Hi, I am new here.  I am going to apologize now for the long post. I will try to keep it as short as possible.

A little background-unfortunately I have cheated on my H and he had cheated on me years previously.   I had never cheated until I found out about his infidelity. It set me on a path of complete self destruction and cheating with 4 men over a 15 year period (one was a one time thing with a guy I knew from HS and weirdly enough didnt even like). There were years in between where I was good and  had sought counseling each time. My husband found out about each affair. I tried to focus on my marriage but would find myself back to looking for attention and validation and for some reason getting it from my husband was not enough.

My husband was very remorseful and has been a very loving husband since. I make no excuses for my cheating and know I made these decisions consciously. 

6 1/2 years ago I broke off my last A and went into counseling for over a year.  This was by far the best counseling I ever received as she delved into the why and not the actual affairs. She told me affairs are actually smoke screens and not the issue to deal withbut the reason behind it (I was diagnosed with abandonment issues from being raised by a narcissistic mother).

The A left me with no self respect or dignity. I do not blame the AP as I knowingly entered into this and saw red flags immediately (he was single and I was his go to when he had nothing better to do). I could have gotten out sooner but chose to stay because of my addiction to the preceived feelings and highs I felt.

After counseling I was doing very well and have not even so much as looked at another man nor felt any need to get attention.  

Out of the blue I notice this much younger guy looking at me. I didn't think much of it and ignored it because he is so much younger that I figured it was nothing much and didn't really care... but then I noticed him doing it more and when Id walk by I could see him looking at me out of the corner of his eye which I thought was kind of funny actually. 

I have seen him around but never really spoke to him. Of course my curiosity got the best of me and one time I was speaking to a child I know who was right next to him and I make a comment about the weather to him. First time we've really spoken. He lights up with this huge smile and responds. After this we start to have small conversations but with others around. Nothing deeply personal at all. We get into teasing each other and I can feel he likes me but he is also very shy. Sometimes he will completely ignore me and if I approach to say hi, he starts talking to me right away.  He looks at me when he thinks I do not see him looking then looks away when I catch him although a few times we hold the gaze and smile.

He has made some comments to me that lead me to believe he likes me but then it seems as if he is possibly naive and only joking. He has not made any sexual references but told me once I should go out with he and his friend (I thought he was kidding). He's asked me if I needed a ride home once when he knew I was going out but again he doesnt seem to be saying it in seriousness.  My husband has been "around" during these times and he knows him but not well.

Last time I saw him, he made a point to come over and ask me a silly question he didnt need to ask.  I asked him for his FB a week before this and we are now friends on FB.  A few weeks ago, after we became friends on FB, I sent something to him and made a funny remark that was slightly sexual but not about me and he sent something back slightly sexual too (the remarks were about the person in the picture-a gay guy). I am now away and we correspond via messenger but he only writes about once a week (hes never written more than this and it confuses me) and it is very basic stuff, nothing below the surface.  At Christmas and NY we hugged and he gave me a very long hug with a kiss on the cheek. Also, I asked if we could message in secret messenger and told him others have access to my computer and if he felt uncomfortable Id understand and he seems ok with it. 

Im not sure what he wants, if anything. He seemed to go out of his way to talk and flirt but no mention of anything even slightly provacative or sexual yet he was the one making these kind of forward and flirty comments. I have no intention of doing anything more as I like things the way they are but I guess I am really confused on his actions. If he sees me in person he will come right up to me and I have no doubt he will hug me when I get back....but online is a very different story.  Again, he is very shy, acts kind of nervous around me and although I see he goes on FB alot, he barely posts and will  once in awhile "like" other's posts but never mine. I recently posted a meme on his FB and he wrote a funny note underneath so I know he liked that I did that. I am not sure if he is scared to "like" my posts because he is nervous or afraid of rejection because he probably doesnt know what I am thinking either?  Am I just a joke to him, something to fill his time when he has nothing better to do? Looking at his FB, I think he has only had one girlfriend and it didnt last very long. I think he is very green in the dating/love department and as a side I found out thorugh a girl who knows him that his mother left when he was younger and now lives out of state with a whole new family. Wondering if that could be playing some weird part and he has "mommy' issues and here I am the older woman? Thinking we both could have abandonment issues and somehow subconsciously feel that? I really dont know and am perplexed as to what "this" even is. I could come out and talk to him as I feel comfortable with him but weve never discussed anything and I too have a fear of rejection (not as a lover but that he'd freak and not want to be friendly because I misunderstood his actions). 

I can tell you 100% unequivically I will not cheat. I have been there and done that, had the D day and know the pain and suffering it causes all involved. I am not kidding myself and have enough counseling under my belt to know where to draw the line. I think my problem is I do not ever want to be a joke or a time filler for anyone ever again.  I am happy to be friends and have fun joking. I guess I am looking for an answer as to what you think this is for him? A friend sees how he is with me and thinks he really likes me but is too shy and scared to say naything because I am married. Thoughts?