It sounds like your marriage was a mistake. Nothing gives your husband the right to hit you. If you are a newlywed and already having these issues, you need to get counseling to decide whether it is in anyone's best interest for you to stay.

He's an abuser, and that is completely separate from the fact of your cheating.

Couldn't agree with red and fiber more. You need to do some soul searching and decide whether this is really the best situation for you.

I have been battling with that decision for some time, but I thought if I could just stop cheating then maybe the marriage could work. Walking away sounds so easy but I love him, he has been my friend from I was 15, but I know we fell out of love with each other probably before I agreed to marry him. I don't know how to walk away.

You will be able to walk away. He hurts you and is not good for you. When you realize this, that abuse is often overlooked due to feelings for that person, guilt causing you to think its deserved or a lack in confidence and fear of being alone, you will be able to move on. Abuse comes in more forms than just physical. Take care of you! First and foremost.

hi shattered, i understand you love him now, but the more he verbally abuses you the more you will fall out of love, and you will eventually realize too many years have passed, and that you wasted all these years and cant get them back.. verbal abuse can turn into physical abuse, which you have already said he has done.. to me your future doesnt look good unless he changes, but for him to change he has to do that, and really want it.. it seems like an uphill battle, and you really need to think long and hard about your future..
think about getting therapy for yourself ... and hopefully he will too..
let us know how it goes.. and take care of you!!
heard

OK. Unfortunately for me, but hopefully fortunately for others, I have been in a very emotionally and sexually abusive that is now ending, for 27 years. Here's how abuse works. It never gets better, or less frequent, and they never stop. It gets worse, more often, and goes on.

Him hitting you is a huge thing and considering the level of verbal abuse that he is showing you is intense, he may hit you again. Get out now before he puts you in the hospital!

Shattered, how old are you? I'm assuming about 27 or 28, if 85 is your birth year. Our daughter is jus a coiple years younger and just got engaged. I'm wondering what you would say to her, if the two of you were friends, and you saw in her fiancee the same behaviors you see in your husband. What advice would you give to that friend?

You are right I'm 27. I would probably tell her about my experience and should think long and hard about it, without telling her upfront don't do it. I wonder here the relationship went wrong. its crazy beause I always blame myself. I do need to some therapy.

This is not something I would normally suggest so I'm hoping a BS or two might chime in on the idea. I suspect that if you posted your story on Infidelity that most BS there would agree that, even though you chested, physical and verbal abuse are not justified. If that is the limit of your husbands ability to cope then there is very little hope for rebuilding.

Two wrongs don't make a right. Didn't we all get that much in kindergarten? And the emotional witholding before your affair was abuse, too. Your relationship went wrong when he figured he'd got you and didn't have to work at it anymore. It's all about control so that he can feel secure. It's not your fault.

My favorite book recommendation: The Verbally Abusive Relationship, by Patricia Evans, find it downloadable for Kindle for PC (free), on amazon for about $9. You'll see exactly what you're up against.

Holy crapnuggets he HIT you! Run away! Get away from him! Fast!

Come on, girl. Fiber is giving you great advice and new but is a good supporter, Crinkle just got down to basics. SO I SAY IN UNISON HOLY CRAPNUGGETS HE HIT YOU! GET THE HELL OUT OUT OF DODGE! But be careful about posting on Infidelity, they can be mean to cheaters and OW!

Please do research on abusive relationships. Call your local battered women's helpline!

My daughter is 27. If she were the one saying that she was being treated this way, I would feel desparate for her to get out of that relationship. I understand his anger, but he is crossing some serious lines. Think hard about your choices. Do call a battered womens shelter at least for information. The phone call won't hurt you at all. It doesn't mean you are making a decision. You are just getting information.

You did some bad things. So did I. Really bad. My H and I are doing well. Why? Because we bonded together for one goal. To heal ourselves and each other and our relationship and we got lots of help. We got counseling and we read books together. We got help from our priest and from a few trusted friends. We came on here.

They say it takes a village to raise a child? It takes a lot more than that to heal from infidelity, but you have to somehow begin to work together unselfishly and help each other. If one or the other just can't seem to let that happen then it may not be possible to move on together.

I wish you well no matter how this goes. My daughter has been through some bad things too. She had to end a long term relationship. She was not being treated well. She is married now to a good man. She has done a lot of healing. I would love for you to get to a better place as well. Whether it is with this man through lots of hard work on both of your parts, or for you to move on.

(((hugs)))

I would definitely recommend talking to a professional if possible. I think that therapy often gets a bad reputation, and that people think of "needing mental help" or "seeing a shrink" in a very negative light. But sometimes talking to a professional can really help you sort out what's going on in your head and what the best course of action for YOU is. I am proud to say that I needed therapy. Still, there is lots of evidence about abusive situations being similar to prisons and very, very difficult to escape from. If you don't have the insurance or if therapy is simply too expensive, I would recommend calling the local battered woman's shelter. They will have a professional that you can talk to who will be able to help you make heads or tails out of an abusive situation.

No one deserves to be hit just like no one deserves to be cheated on. If he really only has ever hit you once and you honestly believe he just made one poor choice in the heat of the moment and he won't do it again and that you forgive him, then the two of you together can heal. The verbal abuse will also have to stop. Similarly, if you look at your poor choice about cheating and can resolve to never do it again and he can forgive you, then the two of you can heal together. Since both cheating and abuse cloud judgement, this is NOT a decision I would recommend you make on your own, and I would mimic Gabby's advice and recommend that you at least call your local battered woman's shelter for information.

You have two very different problems here. The cheating and the abuse. Just remember, the abuse is NOT your fault and is NOT deserved. You did NOT invite it through cheating. No one deserves marital abuse, physical or verbal.

Great advice, Gabi and Eva. As you can tell, we care and are all worried about you. Please call the local Women's Shelter. He won't stop on his own.