Cheaters Anonymous Community Group
This is a support group for cheating spouses looking for understanding and strength. Betrayed spouses are welcome to post ONLY if they can do so in a supportive manner (no bashing...these posts will be deleted), and please do not comment on 'Cheaters Only' posts.
I have had NC with AP for 2 months because we both work at a school and have been out for the summer. I have felt the healing process for my BS, me and our marriage really working over this time. But I go back to school next week and am super anxious. I’m telling myself I’m stronger than I was at the end of the school year. I can ignore my AP. And if he approaches me, I can be cool and distant. But something in the back of my mind keeps trying to break through and remind me of the strong feelings I had for AP and how good he made me feel. I don’t really have anyone to talk to about this, so I’m posting here to ask for support and the strength to be strong and continue down the path of NC and healing that I know is best for everyone!
Your situation is really tough, since you will be around your AP regularly. I wonder how your husband is handling it? In my case, we've made it a third of a year now since D-Day, and while so many times things are better and my husband makes sense in his understanding of our relationship, me, himself, life in general, etc, some days his anger and sadness are so strong that I fear the risk of even seeing my AP in passing and having to decide to tell my husband about that or not because I don't want to anger him. Because, if I were to see or come in contact with my AP, and I didn't tell my husband about it, then I'd struggle with the deceit, But if I did tell him about such benign contact then he would get angry, too and I'd have to explain myself. Also, if I didn't tell him and then my BS discovered such deceit, even so benign as not mentioning seeing or coming in contact with my AP, then that would destroy him. My BS really is still taking the affair so personally, as a direct insult to his existence as a person since he sees my affair as an effort to replace him as a spouse and a father, where his feelings didn't matter to me or my AP. So every reference to my AP, every trigger around us that reminds him, can set up PTSD like symptoms (tremors, and a sense of personal assault - he says he struggles because he sometimes feels like he is trying to live with his "attacker", which is an interesting perspective for me to consider), and his insecurity comes on strong even though he is simultaneously more sure of himself and confident than I ever knew him to be before. So, I wonder how your husband is handling this, and how you two have worked through it together. Your situation of having actual contact as coworkers with your AP seems to add an additional challenge, and I know that my husband really wouldn't be able to handle that at all! Even with all that, I can relate to your experience with your BS working so hard on your relationship and working to trust you, even though he doesn't have to - very similar to my experience right now.
I hope your day went well today, as the "real test" and that you stayed strong!