You need to do the right thing and tell your husband. You are being grossly unfair to him.

You might also want to ask yourself why this guy with so many available women around, went after you - married and with two kids.

Congratulations on finding your true love. Sounds like Hubby may be open to a open relationship since he forgave your affair. Open Communication on subject so you can satisfy your true love desires without forfeit cash flow from hubby and relationship with your two off springs. Yes you can have best of two worlds married with a love of your life on side by side open relationship. Also opens doors for your hubby to find true love, also. Maybe a little swapping down the road.

He’s not into an open marriage. I brought it up and that was a big fat negative.

bunnyhabit......that is some horrible advice. I hope you are just trolling and don't actually believe that is going to help the situation.

In reality the whole issue is that you were not suited or not yet suited to be a mother or a while.

It could have been that you need several years more of character growth and maturity before doing either of these things or perhaps not at all.

You need to make choice to at least end things with your husband or put in the long and hard work of being a good mother to your children and a wife to your husband.

Playing in the middle will not benefit anyone, including yourself.

When l was making the decision to stay or leave, l read something that said if you are considering divorce, do it because you are better off alone, not to upgrade your current partner. The passion and attention you are getting from the AP feel like what's missing in your life, but this too will end. Is the AP who you ultimately want to be with? Will he stick around for you and your kids through the divorce and then after? If you do leave, it should be having a clear vision of what's ahead. I chose to stay. My husband forgave, but it's difficult every day. Hope you find some clarity and relief. These are very hard decisions.

^ great advice

^ I second that. What Jfair says is spot on.

We CSs have been there. We've felt the 'feels' and believed we had found the love of our lives. Many (most) of us have moved on from that feeling and realized it's not healthy nor fair. One person around here ended up going for a divorce to 'run off into the sunset' and the last time she checked in, life was ridiculously tough.

Grass ain't always greener. Address your emotional issues, then decide if marriage is your best option.

I am a passion/thrill junkie and lived for the fog of the affair. I've also found that I prefer a more calm, honest relationship that exists as a jumping board for raising our 2 young kids.

Hang in there. Good luck!

@forwardmotion i believe that is proper to open all options to people with problems not just force our view to them. i truly think my views are as valid as yours are.

@bunnyhabit I do think that everyone should hear opposing viewpoints. That being said, not all views are valid or equal.

In matters of preference like favorite colors, what is the best flavor of ice cream etc, there is no one answer.

Moral conundrums are not preferences though, they are absolutes. Any argument can be challenged based on reason and logic, and the strongest one should prevail and be applied.

Forwardmotion, have you ever heard of the trolley problem? I remember reading a comment on here where you brought up utilitarianism and hedonism. So I am certain you understand that people have different approaches when it comes to life.

When we perceive an opinion or an action to be invalid because it is geared towards self centeredness, we should not omit the fact that our very existence and the many things we do to sustain ourselves are also self centered and placing an amount of inconvenience to some other person or living being out there.

While I lean more towards your viewpoints than Bunnyhabit’s, that is only my perspective which is subjected to my life experiences. In the end I do not know what is the one true, definitive approach to live life, nor does anyone else.

Yes, there needs to be a balance in utilitarianism and Kantian philosophy isn't mean to be used in an extreme sense.

It asks not that we abandon all our own needs for the sake of others, but to consider the cost of our actions and happiness on others.

There is a lot of space between both ends in the spectrum. Many decisions will fall close to the line and be difficult to evaluate.

In the case of my response to Bunnyhabit's post her suggestion was to view the husband not as a person but as source of income and also have another man on the side to provide for her sexual/emotional desires.

I've been trying to muster up the strength to reply to this post for the past few days because a lot of what you wrote hit close to home. I'm not going to tickle your ear or try to make you feel better about what you have going on in your life. I want to offer you some solid words of advice and caution coming from someone who ruined her own life by having an affair. Sweet girl, all the feelings, the rush of adrenaline, the passion and sex; all those delicious, addicting feelings you're having right now...they feel so, so good don't they? You feel like you're on top of the world when you're with your affair partner. I bet he makes you feel beautiful, sexy, and wanted? I'm sure you've talked about running away together, or maybe even played with fantasies about what it would be like to be married or have kids together? It's so easy to get sucked into the fantasy of it all. The unfortunate and sad reality is that once the rose colored glasses come off and the fantasy fog fades, when you see the ugly parts of that other person, when he isn't there for you when you're sick and doesn't even check up on you, when he can't be there for something important, because you're not a priority, when he doesn't pick up the phone at 2 a.m. when you're in a panic or just need someone to talk to, when you're broke or something's broken and you need help and he isn't there...the list goes on. That man may say he cares for you, and I don't know the guy so he may very well, but it's all too easy to say all the juicy, good stuff and make promises when everything is rainbows and lollipops, I'm sure your husband has been there for you through the ugly parts of life, especially with children. Think about that man, the one who changed diapers with you, the one who went to work and helped support his family, the one who married you when you were pregnant, when a lot of guys would have turned the other way. Your husband might not knock your socks off in the sack, and maybe he's not super exciting, but those things can be worked through and made better if you both have a conversation and work together. Sex and excitement fade. Ask yourself who you would want pushing you in your wheel chair when you're old and alone, who would you trust by your side if there was nobody left in this world but you and another person?
I destroyed a 13 year relationship with the most beautiful and loving person I know because I didn't get serious with myself and ask myself the tough questions. I lived in La-La land in my affair until it destroyed me and my marriage. I called my affair partner the night my affair was discovered, it was 2 in the morning and I was in an absolute panic, I was crying and hyperventilating and my world felt like it was crumbling...he fell asleep while on the phone and I could hear him snoring on the other line. This was the man who said he loved me and told me all that sweet, syrupy bullshit about how I was his soulmate, this was the man that made me feel pressured about leaving my husband and was okay with me sacrificing a safe, happy life so I could be with him...he fell asleep as I sat there crying and watching my husband pack up and leave for good. So the moral of the story here sweet girl is this-look at who truly fills your cup and that's who you know you belong to. Don't break your husband's heart or your own, it's not too late to turn it around.