Im not one to admit defeat, but I really dont think I can handle this one, this thing Ive gotten myself into, on my own

We have been to several counselors for my son. I think you should go immediately. If you don't want to be on drugs then don't, or at least start off very low dosage, xanax is mild, use good judgement. My best advise is to find someone with whom you connect well. If you don't feel a connection, move on quickly. The only harm is to not get help. There is absolutely no shame in taking care of your mental health. We are hear for you.

I agree. I went to a counselor for just myself. You have to go through a grieving process. It takes a lot of time and talking it out. I had to put it on a credit card, but I did what I had to do.

Take care.

I went on antidepressants a few months after Dday. It really helped a lot. There was a noticeable difference.

I resisted medication for over a year. Finally, my regular doctor sat me down and explained that while I have always been able to handle what life has thrown at me, it has now thrown too much for my system to handle. He suggested some mild anti-depressants for a short stint (6 months) to allow my own coping mechanisms to "reset". Best decision I ever made. It probably saved my career, as I couldn't concentrate at all. It definitely helped me in controlling the daily crying jags and sleeplessness.

However, if you absolutely don't want to go that route, I recommend reading up on boosting your seratonin levels (food, supplements), daily exercise of some sort, but cardio/strength at least 3x a week, and eliminating caffeine.

You should def go for IC. I agree what our friends are saying here. You need to give yourself time and need to go through the process of the loss. Regardless of how you got in the situation, you need help and deserve help to get through it. And if the IC suggests meds, take them. There is nothing wrong w needing some extra help. Sometimes we've got too much on our plates and when emotions are involved it could become crippling. We're here for you too.

Hugs to you

Thanks to all, I just never imagined it would or even could be this hard. Just when things are looking better, something reminds me of the OW and i fall on my face, like starting from scratch. I go to a place in my mind and torture myself with thoughts and images. A friend of mine told me I need to stop torturing myself, and that is exactly what Im doing. Again, thanks, you guys and gals for everything.

It's SO hard when the mind starts wandering. I heard and shared advice such as allow yourself to think about it for 5 minutes them stop yourself. Get back to the present and clear your mind of thoughts, memories, images, convos etc

That is way easier said than done. Especially in my case where OM continues to try and contact me by txting and calling. I ignore but i get a jolt everytime. And it impedes my progress. Every. Single. Time. It's frustrating. And doesn't hurt any less just because i put myself in this situation. Regardless of how we got here, we're here and it sux. :(

I would offer the same suggestions as JustUGH, and maybe some yoga as well. It can be helpful in getting to a meditative, peaceful state, a skill that can come in handy when you get triggered and need to pull out of it.

An interesting link here regarding homeopathic remedies, gives great descriptions what sort of person does best with each one, different recommendations for the perfectionist vs. the person stifling feelings, or a childish, hypersentive person, for examples: http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/diseases/depression/homeopathy_000066.htm

In addition to what everybody else says... Exercise during this time is paramount. Exercise works as well as antidepressants in clinical trials for relieving depression. Action always comes before motivation, so if you get moving you will start to enjoy it in no time.

Not trying to be sexist here, but I think men are much less likely than women to accept the need to take meds--any meds, not just anti-depressants. I say this with a smile....a lot of you were raised to believe taking meds is a sign of weakness. John Wayne certainly wouldn't have taken an aspirin!

Clinical depression is very real. Trying to climb out of it is almost impossible to do by ourselves. The nature of the Depression Beast is to keep us down. Depression is episodic, so eventually it will subside, but it could take a very long time, sometimes even years.

I have taken anti-deps. I was also reluctant at first and didn't tolerate them very well. My doctor cut me back to "baby" doses--1/4 of a pill dissolved in apple juice, the same dose they would give to a 5-yr old child. I started feeling better in 24 hours, although they said it would take 2 weeks.

Anti-deps are not "happy pills." They don't remove the pain. What they do is to take the edge off and allow you to catch your breath and deal with the problems in a rational way, with a clear mind. And you don't have to take the meds forever. You will know when you don't need them anymore. I really encourage you to look into this. The homeopathic approach, along with yoga, exercise, etc. are good also, but you can use these along with the meds; it's not an either/or deal.

Female here and I still won't take the pills. For starters, most of them don't have the 20 year studies I want to see before I'm going to trust them. And the list of side effects for most meds these days seem worse than the symptoms they're supposed to treat. Had a doctor offer my H meds for his chronic pain once, would have dealt with the pain but offered him the alternative of twitching, drooling and loss of urinary control. He'd rather be in pain :/

Other times I've had doctors offer me anti-depressants as if what I'm dealing with is all in my head, both my physical and emotional pain. I told him no, thanks. Yes, I'm low, but who wouldn't be....living with fibromyalgia, severe anemia, accompanied by weight gain, struggling to patch our marriage back together ...and all this while my H is unable to work and getting screwed out of the insurance that was supposed to cover him. This isn't a chemical glitch causing me to see the world as bleaker than it actually is.

I prefer to take a problem solving approach. I tackle those things that can be tackle, recognizing that every problem has a solution. Then, those that have no solutions get properly labelled as not problems but realities. The stuff that has to be accepted. Then I work through that process of acceptance, forgiveness, whatever it takes to move forward. The yoga and meditation helps a lot. And journalling, talking it out here, asking for support, leaning on people and remembering that I am loved. Sleeping well, eating well, detoxifying, exercising, socializing. All good medicine.

If, after all that, I still felt hopeless I might consider taking antidepressants. Even then I would start with homeopathics first, as they are micro-doses of naturally occurring substances with hundreds of years of traditional medicine to prove their safety and efficacy.

I wouldn't go combining them with pharmaceuticals though, you don't know what you're getting from Big Medicine and who knows what the combinations would do.

I tend to believe on the whole, im being very general here, but men are less likely to take meds just from my experience w men i know.

Fiber - i admire your thought process to figure things out. You have such a good head on your shoulders. Unfortunately, i speak for myself here, if i am too overwhelmed i wouldn't be able to sort all of those problems and thoughts out. Maybe im just too weak with dealing with certain things.

I do agree with exercise, sleep, and eating well and plenty of water.

I agree with lebe. 45 mins a day gives me time to clear my head and run out of the fog.