Cheaters Anonymous Community Group
This is a support group for cheating spouses looking for understanding and strength. Betrayed spouses are welcome to post ONLY if they can do so in a supportive manner (no bashing...these posts will be deleted), and please do not comment on 'Cheaters Only' posts.
Okay here goes it. I am a wife whose husband had an emotional affair and almost surely a physical one with one of my friends. We now have 3 kids, I say now because when it started I was pregnant with the 3rd child. The entire situation was complicated because our children were friends with hers and yes, she was married too. I came to this site to see what exactly cheaters anonymous was about. Are you promoting it? Trying to change a cheaters ways? Praising each other? Bragging about your stories? What? I\'ve learned a couple of things. I\'ve learned that the people on this site are filled with emotion and require support at times like everyone else. I\'ve learned that a lot of the cheaters are lied to or \"mistreated\" by the person who is cheating with them. I don\'t come to this site often because it is very painful and I don\'t have a lot of sympathy for some of the people. I know this is going to make some people angry but truly that is not my intention. I have questions that I\'m really interested in knowing the answers to. So before you respond with scathing remarks, try and remember that I\'m trying to learn and understand, not place judgement (although in all honesty I am not completely unbiased). So here are my questions, some are for the cheaters and some for the OW/OM:
Did you know the person you were after or was after you was married? If so why would you continue the relationship? Do you believe that the person who is lying and betraying someone they are supposed to be closest to is going to be honest with you? Did you ever consider how your relationship would affect the spouse of the cheater? Did you even think it was wrong and if so why didn\'t you stop? Do you realize you are interfering in someone\'s marriage which impacts not only the spouse but the children, the in-laws and other families? Do you realize that a divorce devastates the kids, often changes their lifestyles and may cause them to lose their homes and relocate? Have you considered how traumatic it is for the spouse, often causing severe depression, loss of security, self esteem and confidence? There\'s financial loss and for some people whose wives were stay at home moms now have to go find a job with nothing to put on their resumes.
For the cheaters:
Did your vows not mean anything to you? Did you consider how this relationship would affect your spouse? When you took that first step toward infidelity what were you thinking about (other than just getting laid)? Did you think of how wrong it was and if so how did you continue? Did you go into it hoping you could keep both relationships or were you looking for someone else? Did you consider how this would affect you children? If you did it because your relationship with your spouse was \"essentially over\" why not end the marriage and have an honest relationship with that person? If your marriage was troubled, did you tell your spouse that it was to the extent that you would have an affair or you would end the marriage? Do you know that statistically extramarital affair relationships do not last even if you divorce your spouse? If there wasn\'t someone else to go to, would you leave your spouse? Do you even see anything wrong with what you are doing? Where do you think the affair will go to, a divorce, just for kicks ...?
As I said, I\'m just trying to understand the thinking behind the actions. Please don\'t get offended. I know there are many different situations which is why I ask these questions. Honestly, I usually go to the breakup and divorce sites and how someone can do this to another person and what kind of person would do it often comes up. By the way, if you really want to know what these affairs do go to breakup and divorce and divorce after twenty years sites. There are more but that\'s a start. Fair warning though, you guys aren\'t very well liked. Anyway, I\'m just trying to understand so please be honest. If you just didn\'t give a crap, say so. If you are just a dog, tell me why. Again, I\'m not trying to judge, I\'m just looking for answers and to the people that share their story --- Thank You!
Did you know the person you were after or was after you was married? If so why would you continue the relationship? Do you believe that the person who is lying and betraying someone they are supposed to be closest to is going to be honest with you? Did you ever consider how your relationship would affect the spouse of the cheater? Did you even think it was wrong and if so why didn\'t you stop? Do you realize you are interfering in someone\'s marriage which impacts not only the spouse but the children, the in-laws and other families? Do you realize that a divorce devastates the kids, often changes their lifestyles and may cause them to lose their homes and relocate? Have you considered how traumatic it is for the spouse, often causing severe depression, loss of security, self esteem and confidence? There\'s financial loss and for some people whose wives were stay at home moms now have to go find a job with nothing to put on their resumes.
For the cheaters:
Did your vows not mean anything to you? Did you consider how this relationship would affect your spouse? When you took that first step toward infidelity what were you thinking about (other than just getting laid)? Did you think of how wrong it was and if so how did you continue? Did you go into it hoping you could keep both relationships or were you looking for someone else? Did you consider how this would affect you children? If you did it because your relationship with your spouse was \"essentially over\" why not end the marriage and have an honest relationship with that person? If your marriage was troubled, did you tell your spouse that it was to the extent that you would have an affair or you would end the marriage? Do you know that statistically extramarital affair relationships do not last even if you divorce your spouse? If there wasn\'t someone else to go to, would you leave your spouse? Do you even see anything wrong with what you are doing? Where do you think the affair will go to, a divorce, just for kicks ...?
As I said, I\'m just trying to understand the thinking behind the actions. Please don\'t get offended. I know there are many different situations which is why I ask these questions. Honestly, I usually go to the breakup and divorce sites and how someone can do this to another person and what kind of person would do it often comes up. By the way, if you really want to know what these affairs do go to breakup and divorce and divorce after twenty years sites. There are more but that\'s a start. Fair warning though, you guys aren\'t very well liked. Anyway, I\'m just trying to understand so please be honest. If you just didn\'t give a crap, say so. If you are just a dog, tell me why. Again, I\'m not trying to judge, I\'m just looking for answers and to the people that share their story --- Thank You!
deleted_user
Yep, my morality went right out the window. I'm keeping that window closed for now on.
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