Sorry you are hurting. At least he was honest. It's better to know now that he has no plans of leaving.

Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry but I'm sure your everything is good enough for someone!!
My ex told me over a month ago that he couldn't see me cause I'm married.. hurts like hell. I know..
Hang in there and keeping us posted..
Hugs heard

You ARE good enough. Don't let someone else's decisions reflect on your own self-worth.

Tale as old as time.... it is definitely harsh, but it seems to so often be the case. I feel like most of the MM having affairs out there basically feel the same way, but not all of them will ever admit to it, because they know if they fess up, the gig might be up, so to speak. I sort of got the same impression from my MM without point blank asking. I basically used the fact that I knew he would never pursue a 'real' future with me, as an excuse to end things... repeatedly and unsuccessfully. It was so hard to walk away, despite knowing the inevitable outcome, and it took an awful thing, followed by Dday to push me enough to end things for good. I'm sorry the truth hurts so much, but at least it IS the truth and not a false promise to further motivate you to ignore the harshness of reality, which really does bite. :( Hugs

Mine would say he couldn't do it. (Meaning leave his wife) Then when I would say fine then leave me alone he would say, well, not right now. Oh how I wish I had walked away the first time he said it.

I'm sure your everything is good enough for someone. Maybe their everything, i.e., the crumbs they throw us sometimes, isn't good enough for us? Or shouldn't be enough for us?

I always decide to hang in there no matter what, but I'm not sure anymore whether that's the right path. I'm getting very tired of surviving on occasional crumbs.

In the end, all we can do is take care of ourselves and not let them destroy our sense of self-worth.

Thanks for your kind words, it really helps. Kinda wish I had never asked. Things have been going so well. At least he's honest huh? lol

quorazon love what you said about surviving on crumbs. I had a moment of weakness but one thing I do know is that I am a wonderful partner. I am loving, supportative, sexual and fun. So he is the one that will miss out!

It does hurt to hear them say it. I used to hear those words but then whenever i pulled back and tried to end it he guilted me about how bad his M "really" was and asked me never to leave him. Who knows the real truth. We talked about a future, made plans, it was crazy. But when the chips were down, i think he said it all just to keep me hanging on.

Remember, his decision to stay with his W is NOT a reflection on you. Here's the thing, if he were THAT happy he never would have strayed in the first place. It's better you found out now.

Hugs to you

rose - it sounds like everyone has already said most of what I would have said to you but I want to echo that the problem definitely isn't because of what you have to offer. We both know you are great and giving and loving so don't even think those thoughts. Like Notmyself1 said, he wouldn't have been seeking you out if he was so happy with his W anyway. All of the effects we feel on our M when we are in the A "fog" are felt by them as well.

It's better that he was honest. It isn't fun to hear but at least you know where he stands so that you can make an informed decision moving forward.

Just talked to him again about it. Basically he feels responsiblity toward those in his life that he will NOT disappoint even at the expense of his own happiness. (i hate a martyer) He wants things to stay as they are. Told him I might not can do that. He does not want to be responsible for my M. He cannot handle that . He got so upset he had to go. He was so sweet it broke my heart. Have to say I do respect that he is a responsible man, perhaps too responsible. Everyone takes advantage of him.

I heard all those sentiments from my OM, wouldn't let his family down to be happy with me, didn't want to be rsdponsible for my marriage ending, wanted to keep it just the way it was indefinitely. After all, he had a friend who pulled it off for 15 years. 15 YEARS!!! Can you imagine being trapped in such limbo for that long? That was his plan for me. A year of being torn was too much; his plan would have left me in the psych ward.

It all sounded so sweet and he looked so heartbroken at the time, like he really loved me and it was all he could do to tear himself away. I never felt so desired. But, when push came to shove, I was squarely under the wheels of the bus.

Rose
At the risk of sounding harsh, i need to say that if it were me, i would run. I heard the Same thing. Marty-like. He didnt want to be responsible for my M breaking up, destroying my family. But yet, he still pursued and kept contacting me to pull me back in after every single time i walked away. And really, if any person is THAT miserable, they. Would. Leave. People get divorced all the time. I feel like hes manipulating you to get you to feel sorry for him so you will continue seeing him. But here's the thing, hes only offering you crumbs. You'll be his go-to-girl. He made his decision for whats best for Him.
Now, You need to make a decision of whats best for You. Because he surely is not looking out for you. You are not comfortable being in the A. You're feeling badly because thats all hes offering you. There's nothing wrong with realizing and telling him, hes not the one for you. He a use he can't give you what you need and deserve. You deserve more.

I hope i did not offend.
Hugs to you