Are you crazy to think that way? Yes. Is it acceptable to be friends with him? No. Are you going to ignore what I just said? Probably...

After A's we often fall into the trap of "We can be JUST friends". I did. And simply for these reasons (and I quote you below), you really cannot be friends.....unless a long, long, long time has passed, possibly.....but I'm not even sure about that....I'm not there yet to dive into that and really probably don't want to be his friend (with friends like that.....):

"I couldn't help but share some personal information about my M." Your personal information about your M is just that, personal.....unless you would be 100% comfortable with your H telling his xAP details of your marriage, then it may not be a good idea. Sharing that level of detail about something so personal is a way to strengthen a bond with someone.

"He's not making any moves on me that I can tell." Well, kinda by having in depth emotional talks....alone....going out for drinks consecutively and you agreeing it sounds like both of you are making moves, although subtle on each other. You are strengthening a relationship. Just because sex may not be involved doesn't mean an emotional attachment with another man isn't taking place. I dont' know details of your OM, but mine was a master manipulator...he knew exactly what he was doing and played on my weaknesses.

"I do have strong feelings for him but maybe that will dissipate over time and we could be really good friends." You kind of answered your own question here.

Please know I get it......I was there in the Spring....I too thought the exact same thing you did.....and then over a period of a few months the conversations changed...and then it became 'one more time'.....then it became 'can you meet this week and see you again next week'. And you may not think that is going to happen.....but the fact is the pull is still there and we are weak and we are vulnerable.

If you can't be your H's friend right now...put the focus on another that you trust, that you enjoy...or your counselor...but not that you are going to cheat with.

No, you can't be "just friends" with a former lover. I know that bc it's what I'm trying to do right now. My A lasted 2 1/2 yrs, then he ended it and that lasted 1 yr. He's been back in my life for 10 months now only meeting once but that was enough. The feeling was gone. I did no want to go back into the A.

Your OM is doing to you exactly what mine is trying to do. Slowly but surely he's sucking you back into the A. About a year into my A, OM admitted in the very beginning while in the "just talking on the phone" phase, I'd open the door and he'd push. I'd open a little more & he'd push all the harder. At the time he admitted this I was still in the fog so I thought it was cute feeling flattered he'd go to such lengths to get me. Now I feel used. Not a good feeling.

I suspect his next move will be trying to make you jealous of his other female friends. Don't fall for it. Get out now while you still can.

My trust in my OM is gone. He keeps offering information about that missing year that doesn't ring true. He got divorced in July and is now on his own but that creates another dilemma. I know he's talking to other women but hey, he has every right to doesn't he? My head keeps telling me I want nothing more than friendship but my heart can't handle knowing he's very likely with other women and lying to me about it. So you see, friendship is out of the question. Choose another person to confide in, preferably a female friend.

Clover-
Do your thoughts change for my situation if I tell you OM is not a former lover and we never had an affair? I felt definite chemistry between us in our work interactions and when we had lunches together. Then I went on leave for a bit. We chatted on email a few times while I was out, then picked up where we left off when I returned. Our conversations since returning from leave have gotten more personal for sure. There have been some times where he has touched my shoulder trying to get my attention and touching my hand when fixing my computer issues. However, after he gave me advice at our last lunch that would help my M, I'm thinking he is trying to be a friend because I'm married.

With that being said, is it feasible to have a friendship with him? Or is he sucking me into an A by being a friend and gaining my trust?

He knows you're a respectable person who would never cross the line for obvious reasons. He knows he has to ease you into it to justify your actions so you have a reason to cheat. Let me ask you this.....what does your gut tell you? I have to say by what I've read so far, he's wanting more from you than just a friendship.

Thank you. My guy is telling me you're right. Just like my gut was telling me there was a mutual attraction. I second guessed my gut after our last lunch because he was giving me advice on how to work on my M.

It's hard to really understand the dynamic here. I have felt chemistry and attraction to men in the past (before I ever had an A) but I just kept it to myself and acted natural and fortified my own boundaries, perhaps pulled back a little. In all those previous cases it worked fine. I was able to remain friends and get over that feeling by working on myself.

That strategy certainly didn't work in the case of my A's Yes, there were two. (long story)
The difference? In the previous instances the feelings were mine and nothing ever happened between me and the man I felt attracted to. If he felt it, he never acted on it and I never did either. Also, the previous instances were like getting a case of the sniffles and wondering what this might lead to as opposed to getting a full blown sickness. Do you have a case of the sniffles with your OM? It sounds like it is more than that. It is a dangerous and slippery slope when those feelings start to increase and reciprocation from the OM begins to appear.

I highly suggest you read the book "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass. It's very good and as you read this book you will see what you are going through described. It was pretty amazing to me when I read it.

Gabrielle-
I have never felt an attraction to another man like I do now, since I've been with my H. Or, no attraction that was noteworthy or so incredibly distracting. Maybe I did have them and I ignored them or pulled back like you did initially. I'm waiting for the feelings to subside but admittedly I've been going on 6 months and my feelings have gotten stronger!

I think in using the analogy of your illness, I agree, I'm beyond sniffles. Because I'm not taking care of myself, I am getting progressively sicker. I'm drinking tea and taking vitamins, which to me is reaching out to this group.

Another problem is that I'm enjoying the attention from OM who is a breath of fresh air from my troubled M. He's so nice and easy to talk to. These feelings will subside, right? I would like to be friends with him if I can get rid of these feelings of attraction!!

Anyway, I have ordered the book you recommended and it will be here Thursday. Hopefully my H doesn't open the package or I will really have some explaining to do.

I am a BS, you keep looking for answers that fit for you to still be friends with this man. Look back over what they are telling you. Please for the sake of your marriage shall you want to have one or at least if you want to have a healthy one. You Can Not Remain Friends. You are searching for them to tell you that yes you can be friends and that feelings will get easier to manage.

The feelings will get WORSE as they did with my wife she started out this same way.
You will let boundries slide and justify them for different reasons.

Please do your self a favor and cut all ties the attraction will only get stronger to a point of where you can not fight it anymore.

You're right Jason. I feel like I sound like a crazy person. I am better than this. I appreciate everyone talking me through this.