Cheaters Anonymous Community Group

This is a support group for cheating spouses looking for understanding and strength. Betrayed spouses are welcome to post ONLY if they can do so in a supportive manner (no bashing...these posts will be deleted), and please do not comment on 'Cheaters Only' posts.

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moonk2021 07/26/2021

So recently I confessed to my cheating. Making out with other guys while I was drunk, I've posted about it here before. And I'm having a really hard time going through this because I try to talk to him about it but he doesn't wanna hear it. And I can't really blame him. I think he just wants to move forward like nothing ever happened. He did say he forgives me but I now just feel incredibly uncomfortable around him. Like I rarely have anything to say to him anymore because im constantly beating myself up on the inside for cheating. We live together too so this makes it really hard. I just don't know what to do. I'm embarrassed to talk about this with my friends and I cant keep putting my suffering on him because he does not deserve that. I've recently been having thoughts about what if I leave because he deserves more. I love him and I don't want that but I am so desperate for the pain to stop. I cannot accept the fact that I did things that hurt him. I'm so lost and confused and I have no idea what to do.

Mel2202 07/26/2021

Hi: I am sorry to hear you are going through this. Can I ask if you have gone to some counseling? People make mistakes. It sounds like you are really beating yourself up over this. I know it may not sound right at the moment but you have to be kind to yourself.
I have been married for 20+years and just ended my online affair of 1.5 years. It hurts like hell.

moonk2021 07/26/2021

I was in therapy for a short time but we never discussed this thoroughly.

alwyslve 07/27/2021

Are you sure you really hurt him? We've addressed this before, you kissed guys on two separate occassions when you were extremely drunk. It sure seems likely that your boyfriend doesn't want to hear about it because he understands that the problem was the drinking and maybe he wants you address that? I would certainly think that anyone that you'd want to be with long term would understand that with sympathy and empathy, and offer you that forgiveness. I wonder if he has already offered you that forgiveness and grace, and he doesn't want to hear about it any more because he is waiting for you to offer YOURSELF that same forgiveness and grace, and get to the work of addressing the drinking problems.

I still wish you the best, and I know it is hard to learn to love ourselves, but I promise you it is a skill and a gift well worth it that will benefit you for the rest of your life!

moonk2021 07/27/2021

Thank you Alwyslve. You have been so kind and I really appreciate that. I’ve always been really hard on myself and this situation just makes me extra hard on myself. I am looking for a new therapist currently so I can get the help that I really need.

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