How many disappointments, let downs, pushed side  , betrayed lied to, never a priority , feeling  helpless, depression and anxiety, burning  jealously ., despair and desperation,  of control, loss of self respect, lost dignity and losing the

real you knowing right from the start , there would be a day where it's going to end.  I call it my roller coaster ride,  A ride with varying  lengths of involvement dependant on how emotionally vested, the sex, compatability and tenacity.

Make no mistake, it will end.  But how much suffering will you endure before you say, I had enough.  How many times did I say , I had enough, muster up all my courage to end it with the other party hardly ever fighting for you, simply stating, is this what you want? Will it make you happy? And off he goes into the sunset looking unscathed, untouched  whereas the emotional toll on myself is so overwhelming , to get rid other the pain re enter the relationship that  caused me the pain.  It was an unrelentious circle where at the end of the day, you feel like a trapped animal with no easy way out. Until:

A situation so painful in my personal life caused me to push everyone I loved awaybut for the exception of my husband.  It was as though I seen him not only by hue faults but his unwaivering love. Patience and support.  For the first time in years I learned the true meaning of inner peace even though I was dealing with an unrelated problem .  I blocked  my lover from any pissibke way to communicate with he avid a brief text saying It's Over!!!Because I was distracted with my family problem, the breakup was easy avid painless.  Untill:

Our oaths crossed months later.  He looked haunted, sad but so incredibly happy to see me.  He never felt anger or resentment towards me for the way I ended things.  He simply said that there was something awful in my life that caused the breakup and had nothing to do with him.  That's  how he rationalized  it.  He told me he loved me and I knew he wanted to resume our relationship.  It took months of daily texting, him stating that iwas his true soul mate and the love of his life.   He appeasers to be  genuine, treating me like I was so fragile under I would bolt and run.  I didn't .  Irentered the circus.  Every night without fail a lovely goodnight.  Cuddles  and kisses and same for early morning texts of the sane nature.  Fir months our communications were happy, kaughing banter but then old habits rared it's ugly head.  He did the chase , won me over abs got comfortable and the texting was fitted in between household projects  when taking breaks,  taking hours returning texts due to his fmily ir friends requiring his attention to  next to no communication for three days after his wife returned from a two week vacation with her daughter.  I could only assume he. Missed her, making up fir list tube while I was pushed aside.  That was the start of many arguments, I threatening to heave, him becoming desperate and me caving. The last straw was they were going away for three weeks so I would gave no communication.  Three days before they left he asjedme an odd question, was this going to be my last text?  I said of course not, we had 3 more days. Ifound out the next day he would be vetpry busy with a project and would only text when he takes a 10 minute break.  I says that's ok, don't bother, we will text tonight.  Ge said no, as they were going to friends and won't be home until late.  Isis receive my late night text.  I was hurt , felt he should have made an effort to cone home early totext ne as tube was running out.   The next day , same story , busy with project and invited out to otter fry ends. Not gone until kate and heaving next day.  That did it.