I think a letter is reasonable and would help you (& the AP) get some closure. In the letter, I would make it clear that you are working on the marriage and that no further contact will be made. If the AP approaches you, make it clear that the letter was an explanation and not an attempt to open that door again.

All the best while you work on your marriage.

Stay NC. All it will do is open up the doors of communication.

It's like taking a goodbye hit of a drug, it doesn't end well.

NC says more than a letter ever could.

People will say anything to get what they want and he already knows what you like to hear.

Forwardmotion is right. People aren’t stupid and NC speaks volumes. He probably even knows you do care for him, but you gotta do what you gotta do.

If you reopen the door, you put yourself and your marriage at risk all over again. Be glad your H wants to forgive and work on rebuilding that relationship.

There’s no need to feel guilty towards AP.. he knew damn well what you guys were doing.

I’ve been through all this before with an exAP who knew exactly how to weasel his way back in. It would have never stopped without a commitment to NC!

P&D, I'm happy you stopped your A with NC.

I never wrote the letter. Occasionally, I bump into AP at work. We’re both polite. Twice in the last month, AP asks me something about my personal life. Then he’s said something about how we haven’t had a chance to talk in a while (like most affairs im sure, ours began innocently enough with lunchtime walks and conversations). Is that trying to weasel? Because it felt a little like that. Anyway, today he was at a kids sporting event at the same place as me. I pretended I didn’t see him. I even drove right by him and acted engaged in a conversation with my son (but I’m sure he could tell I was purposely ignoring). I feel horrible. Like how could I treat someone like this after caring for him. And I don’t know what he thinks now, but I’m sure this made him mad or sad or something. But I keep telling myself, I’m choosing marriage. By ignoring AP, it doesn’t matter his feelings. Because they don’t matter anymore. I’m choosing H and my marriage and that’s all that matters.

Yeah. It is a weaseling/testing. That's how it worked between you in the first place and I'm glad you recognize it.

My wife affair partner tried to reconnect a couple of weeks ago with my wife who forwarded the email to me right away. Seemed innocent but we both knew what he was trying to do.

The key is that my CS let me know right away so that I could deal with him right away and didn't respond. She understands that strict NC has to be a part of any restart of our relationship.