Cheaters Anonymous Community Group
This is a support group for cheating spouses looking for understanding and strength. Betrayed spouses are welcome to post ONLY if they can do so in a supportive manner (no bashing...these posts will be deleted), and please do not comment on 'Cheaters Only' posts.
Why do i go back after so many attempts at NC? I've held strong for 2 months in the summer. He kept contacting. I caved and we got back for 2 months. Then sept we have a huge fight i catch him in a lie and he breaks it off with me! Yet few days later he contacts me again. I was crushed. Sent him NC oct and meant it! He continued to contact me for 3 months and i caved on New Year's Eve. We've been txting on/off the last few wks but he hurt me again emotionally and i sent yet another NC this Monday. But now im so confused. Thinking could we be friends? He's sent me SO many mixed messages - pouring his heart out, professing his love, sending me links to love songs. But everything feels weird now. I want to let go. Im pretty sure.
My H and i are doing so much better in MC and i feel like this is where i want to be.
But the emotional hold is crippling. I cant stop thinking. I have a very strong gut feeling that i am not the only person OM is cheating with - regardless of what he says to me. I used to feel connected to him, but dont anymore. But my mind keeps playing tricks on me!!
The thing is, it doesn't even feel like love anymore - or what i thought love was with OM. It feels like we're both just hanging on. I dont like that feeling. I llook at OM differently now. He's not all that i thought he was. All that he portrayed himself to be.
Is anyone having a problem letting go?
My H and i are doing so much better in MC and i feel like this is where i want to be.
But the emotional hold is crippling. I cant stop thinking. I have a very strong gut feeling that i am not the only person OM is cheating with - regardless of what he says to me. I used to feel connected to him, but dont anymore. But my mind keeps playing tricks on me!!
The thing is, it doesn't even feel like love anymore - or what i thought love was with OM. It feels like we're both just hanging on. I dont like that feeling. I llook at OM differently now. He's not all that i thought he was. All that he portrayed himself to be.
Is anyone having a problem letting go?
hang in there and things will get better... i promise..
follow your heart..
heard
I think you should enforce NC. If he calls, don't answer. If he texts, don't respond. When you find yourself wanting to, come on here for support.
Red - the signs are probably there but maybe i just dont want to see them
Heard - i try to just relax and take things one day at a time but i cant help but get all worked up.
Impono - it seems so simple when you say it. Like its a no brainer. But i dont know what triggered me to cave and see him last week after almost 5 months of walking away. Why did i fall for his crap?
Tantric - i do feel happiness inside that i want to stay with my H and that things are fixable thanks to MC!
I guess with all that being said it truly bothers me that this was just an A. I have to rationalize someway so i dont feel like a whore (ugh) i felt like at a time we did fall in love and my M was so bad i considered leaving since things were not getting better. We talked about a future. I dont know how to walk away without feeling like crap. That saddens me.
When it gets hard come back here, there always seems to be someone here 24/7 to give support.
Scientists say there is increase levels of hormones neutrophins and dopamine...see details.
Romantic love
And not all love is created equal. The analysis found that different parts of the brain are activated for different types of love. For example, in the first brain study of romantic love, researchers recruited 17 volunteers who were "truly, deeply and madly in love" with a partner. [Related: Romantic Love Is an Addiction]
When gazing at their significant others, the participants showed brain activity in the so-called dopaminergic subcortical system shown to be active in people who were under the influence of euphoria-inducing drugs such as cocaine. This same high, rather than motivating one to seek out drugs, might motivate a person to pursue a love interest, Ortigue suggested. In addition, passionate love also seemed to activate brain regions associated with emotional behaviors, such as sexual arousal. That finding supports research showing a couple's sexual satisfaction and their feelings of love are linked.
Do the research. Go online and you will be amazed.
I've heard about this before, the chemicals in your brain get so mixed up. I had no idea it could be so strong - to be compared to being on drugs! That does explain a lot tho. Making these crazy irrational choices backs up the statement people often say, i wasn't myself during the A.....
Very interesting - thanks for sharing!
Fiber is right though, Dday definitely forces the issue. NC is not, then a question or an option. This makes it easier to stick to and you become hyper focused on you M so that helps, but it is still oh, so excruciating. No getting around that.
Tantric - im sorry. I used that word, its how i feel some days. Are we not allowed to say that here? I apologize. When i get so overwhelmed i tend to curse too. :)