Cheaters Anonymous Community Group
This is a support group for cheating spouses looking for understanding and strength. Betrayed spouses are welcome to post ONLY if they can do so in a supportive manner (no bashing...these posts will be deleted), and please do not comment on 'Cheaters Only' posts.
I want to share with you all what I am doing this month. Not sure how to approach it. it takes a bit of back story.
Over the years I gradually got fat. Size 24. I have never been good with self discipline. I indulge myself. If I want something I will often give in to it even if it is not what is best for me. Thus, the weight. Thus the A's. I lost 80 lbs in 2007 but I did it with hypnotherapy, thereby bypassing self discipline. Hypnotherapy helps you to WANT to do what it takes to lose weight. Losing weight became easy and fun but unfortunately I did not learn self-discipline in the process.
I have gained 20 lbs since DDAY 13 mos ago. I have been gradually indulging myself more and more for comfort. I have been having a tremendous struggle telling myself no to a food temptation. I was contemplating this one day and realized the depth and extent and consequences of this lack of discipline. This indulging. There have been many consequences unrelated to food and weight. The worst being the A's of course, one small indulgence after another leading me deeper and deeper into a place I had never even imagined I would go.
I have a lot of fear related to the A's because I have lost faith and trust in myself. I have been frantically trying to discover my weaknesses and vulnerabilities and issues that led me there just to get some sense of security that I won't go there again 5 or 10 years down the road, even if we hit rough spots and I start to feel needy and vulnerable and opportunity comes along. Ugh.
Anyway, Since I have realized that this lack of discipline is a big factor I have decided to tackle it so I declared the month of June a month to conquer food indulgences. I have weighed myself every day for 5 years. I will not allow myself to weigh this month to remind me that it is not about the 20 lbs. It is about discipline, telling myself no and sticking with it and realizing that I can NOT get what I so think I need and still be okay. I am not going hungry. I work very hard so I am eating what I need and nothing more. I am telling myself no and sticking to it. And I am liking it. I have had 2 small indulgences so far this month and it made me mad because I lost that opportunity to practice discipline. I will weigh at the end of the month. I am excited for that even though that is not what this is about.
Over the years I gradually got fat. Size 24. I have never been good with self discipline. I indulge myself. If I want something I will often give in to it even if it is not what is best for me. Thus, the weight. Thus the A's. I lost 80 lbs in 2007 but I did it with hypnotherapy, thereby bypassing self discipline. Hypnotherapy helps you to WANT to do what it takes to lose weight. Losing weight became easy and fun but unfortunately I did not learn self-discipline in the process.
I have gained 20 lbs since DDAY 13 mos ago. I have been gradually indulging myself more and more for comfort. I have been having a tremendous struggle telling myself no to a food temptation. I was contemplating this one day and realized the depth and extent and consequences of this lack of discipline. This indulging. There have been many consequences unrelated to food and weight. The worst being the A's of course, one small indulgence after another leading me deeper and deeper into a place I had never even imagined I would go.
I have a lot of fear related to the A's because I have lost faith and trust in myself. I have been frantically trying to discover my weaknesses and vulnerabilities and issues that led me there just to get some sense of security that I won't go there again 5 or 10 years down the road, even if we hit rough spots and I start to feel needy and vulnerable and opportunity comes along. Ugh.
Anyway, Since I have realized that this lack of discipline is a big factor I have decided to tackle it so I declared the month of June a month to conquer food indulgences. I have weighed myself every day for 5 years. I will not allow myself to weigh this month to remind me that it is not about the 20 lbs. It is about discipline, telling myself no and sticking with it and realizing that I can NOT get what I so think I need and still be okay. I am not going hungry. I work very hard so I am eating what I need and nothing more. I am telling myself no and sticking to it. And I am liking it. I have had 2 small indulgences so far this month and it made me mad because I lost that opportunity to practice discipline. I will weigh at the end of the month. I am excited for that even though that is not what this is about.
This discipline goes for guarding my thoughts as well. Now that I know my bad girl and what she is capable of I try to keep her well subdued.
BTW: My mammogram results came back free and clear. I was worried because my little sister died of cancer and her first symptoms were in her arm pit and my arm pit has been feeling achy sometimes.