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Indulgences

Gabrielle48
Gabrielle48
I want to share with you all what I am doing this month. Not sure how to approach it. it takes a bit of back story.

Over the years I gradually got fat. Size 24. I have never been good with self discipline. I indulge myself. If I want something I will often give in to it even if it is not what is best for me. Thus, the weight. Thus the A's. I lost 80 lbs in 2007 but I did it with hypnotherapy, thereby bypassing self discipline. Hypnotherapy helps you to WANT to do what it takes to lose weight. Losing weight became easy and fun but unfortunately I did not learn self-discipline in the process.

I have gained 20 lbs since DDAY 13 mos ago. I have been gradually indulging myself more and more for comfort. I have been having a tremendous struggle telling myself no to a food temptation. I was contemplating this one day and realized the depth and extent and consequences of this lack of discipline. This indulging. There have been many consequences unrelated to food and weight. The worst being the A's of course, one small indulgence after another leading me deeper and deeper into a place I had never even imagined I would go.

I have a lot of fear related to the A's because I have lost faith and trust in myself. I have been frantically trying to discover my weaknesses and vulnerabilities and issues that led me there just to get some sense of security that I won't go there again 5 or 10 years down the road, even if we hit rough spots and I start to feel needy and vulnerable and opportunity comes along. Ugh.

Anyway, Since I have realized that this lack of discipline is a big factor I have decided to tackle it so I declared the month of June a month to conquer food indulgences. I have weighed myself every day for 5 years. I will not allow myself to weigh this month to remind me that it is not about the 20 lbs. It is about discipline, telling myself no and sticking with it and realizing that I can NOT get what I so think I need and still be okay. I am not going hungry. I work very hard so I am eating what I need and nothing more. I am telling myself no and sticking to it. And I am liking it. I have had 2 small indulgences so far this month and it made me mad because I lost that opportunity to practice discipline. I will weigh at the end of the month. I am excited for that even though that is not what this is about.
hairymick
hairymick
Bloody good on you love. I too am a comfort eater and in the last couple of years have put on about 30 pounds I think. I don'tweigh myself at all. I am too ashamed of myself.

Good luck honey!
hairymick
hairymick
Bloody good on you love. I too am a comfort eater and in the last couple of years have put on about 30 pounds I think. I don'tweigh myself at all. I am too ashamed of myself.

Good luck honey!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I put on about 5 pounds since d day. I need to get it off since I have a reunion in 2 months. Self discipline is huge. I find it so hard to do though. I really need to lose the weight and focus on myself.
Gabrielle48
Gabrielle48
My daughter got married at the end of April. I had 2 months to lose about 10 lbs to wear the dress I wanted to wear to her wedding and I ONLY LOST LIKE ABOUT 3 TO 5 LBS. grrrrrr....I had to wear a different dress to her wedding because i could not manage to discipline myself even with that kind of motivation. And don't forget about all the people that were there. People I hadn't seen in a long time. Family and friends. I still can't believe I couldn't manage to discipline myself for that!

In my defense, I was under a TON of stress there for about 3 mos. or so. Most of that has chilled out now so this is a good time to work on me.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I gained 10 lbs since I quit my job. As a stay at home mom, it's easy to eat the carb snacks that I give my kids. Not good for a woman over 40. I cut out all bread,sugar,fast food and such and am only getting carbs from green veggies and berries.My oldest daughter is a bit over weight and she has been following my lead. She kinda has to, cuz I stopped buying the junk and she has lost weight too. I've lost 5 lbs
deleted_user
deleted_user
Good for you :D It's hard to learn that discipline. I'm getting better at it.

I lost 80 lbs after the ex moved out. Not sure why. It seemed to just melt off.

But when I told mr married that I had lost so much he told me not to lose anymore. So now I have been stuck for over a year! I don't now if it's subconsciously or what.

I just want to lose 20 or so more lbs.

I have to weigh myself everyday. If I don't then my weight creeps back up.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Stress hormones, cortisol I think, will keep you from losing weight. I've gained at least 20 pounds since the A started and I think a large part of that is due to the stress I brought on myself. Even though it's been over for two years I'm still gaining, 10+ pounds this last year. I have to see a friend today who I haven't seen since last summer and I feel embarassed. But it keeps me from wearing the attention grabbing clothes I was wearing during the A. I've thrown most of those away now, not so much out of self discipline or sense, but because I couldn't get into them anymore. And they don't make a lot of sexy stuff for bigger women, so I'm safer now, for sure.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Funny how somebody always seems to post something that really makes me think about what I am currently going through myself. My future ex is out on a "friendship" date with a woman he met through Facebook, and I am feeling really crummy about it. And I really have no right to feel that way, except for the fact that I know he is telling her lots of lies about me. How odd that I am not bothered about the possibility of him having sex with someone else, but the lies I know he is telling her about me. Wonder why that is. It bugged me so much that I came damn close to messaging any one of the three guys that are currently begging me to spend the night with them that I very politely tell no. That I am looking for Love. For I know that would numb the pain, for a little. But a temporary fix is all it would be. You know, I think I might have the potential to actually be a sex addict. Now, that is scary. As always, My Family is helping me. I WILL HOLD OUT FOR LOVE, but I think I'll eat some ice cream in the meantime! LOL!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I could be a drunk if I wasn't so worried about gaining weight :/
deleted_user
deleted_user
Being a drunk contributed a great deal to my weight gain. Months of sitting on a barstool drinking with the OM, then months of sitting and drinking while hoping he'd show up. Then another year of sitting and drinking while keeping myself out there, just in case he came in, so he could me continuing to be happy and attractive without him. Funny how the attractive bit worked out. I still get attention but now it's from the kind of guy who says "wow, that's a whole lotta woman!" or "she's all girl, isn't she?" Not exactly what I'd been aiming for, and now about all I can get :(
CopingJust
CopingJust
can I offer a different perspective here? Is this self discipline? Or lack of self respect? I can say that I think - because for years I indulged myself to comfort myself. When I "got" self worth - I looked at that behaviour and just thought - why oh why would you treat yourself that badly? Because I didn't think I was worth the effort. Now that I am worth the effort - I don't even have to think about it. I'm fit and healthy, I have good friends and people I can rely on, when I have to make a decision - I only go in the direction of doing things that are good for me, because I deserve that. When having a bad day now - and I think of eating or drinking or spending - I just think no - I'll feel worse tomorrow and I'm worth more than that. It's just not even an issue anymore........now I go with the feelings, knowing that tomorrow is another day and that I'll be fine.

So whilst I think self discipline is great - and important - if it's a struggle - then perhaps you need to look at some self worth issues too? Induglegnces are fine - now and then - but not if they hurt or damage you - maybe that is where the line is??
deleted_user
deleted_user
The good news is, I stayed strong and did not have even a flirtation, even though one of the guys who is currently chasing started with the sex talk when he and were IM'ing each other, I basically said no. Oddly enough he didn't want to talk anymore. And so I say , yet again, the complete unbrokeness of my heart is astonishing. I also did not overeat. And my prayer, odd as some people might find it, was answered it. I prayed for the poor woman who my future ex had the "friendship" date with to be protected from him, and you know what, looks she is never off at the same time as he is, so yet another of his, EPIC, I TELL YOU, EPIC, LOVE AFFAIRS IS ENDED...Cue cheesy movie melodrama heartbreak music...dissolve to a shot of? ME...LAUGHING MY ASS OFF! Gee, I'm mean, ain't I? But the main point is this poor woman is safe from whatever horror/freak show that would come raining down on her if she had actually embarked on a relationship with him. And even worse, I would not permit him to tell me the tender and touching details of his ill-fated EPIC, I TELL YOU, EPIC LOVE AFFAIR, Lara and Dr. Zhivago move over, King Edward and Wallis Simpson had nothing on my future ex and all of his many, many, CRAZY, CRAZY, CRAZY, LOVES!!!

I am a heartless, sarcastic, selfish b**tch and proud of it. Amazing how much I don't love my abuser!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Tantric, sometimes it seems like you're having a conversation all on your own.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Fiber, You're quite right. I have been known to talk to myself. Just part of my mental health diagnosis of General Insanity.
Gabrielle48
Gabrielle48
Okay, it's the last day of the month tomorrow so I am going to weigh tomorrow morning instead of waiting till Sun. I know I have lost some but I am pep talking myself so I won't be disappointed if it's only something like 2 or 3 lbs. I am always going back and forth within a 2 or 3 lb range so that would seem like nothing.
Remember, Gabrielle, it is not supposed to be about the weight but about discipline. If you can remember that then you will know that this is not about June. It is about life.

Heck, I am so close to menopause. I have been having periods like every 2 weeks lately. Talk about lousy! Menopause makes women gain so I better get this discipline thing down now. I will not use hypnotherapy again because I want to learn the discipline that I need for other areas of my life. Areas such as attractive men that you are flattered by and drawn to. I have a friend who had an EA and she just told me that a man at the gym was paying attention to her. She liked it so she left ASAP. That is exactly how OM#2 started for me. EXACTLY. Discipline. Good for you my EA friend, good for you.

I shall relieve all of your collective anticipation tomorrow. Stay tuned.