I recently cheated on my husband (deployed ) with his best friend of 15 years it was terrible bc I actually thought I wanted this man and forced divorce down my husbands throat. We filed and then I had a change of heart, I’m trying so hard to win him back, at times I feel hopeless but I am committed and I won’t ever lie, tonight I sent him a picture and he saw something in the background he knew wasn’t mine (laptop, that was the person I had an affair with let me borrow ) he questioned me and I instantly wanted to lie but I knew it wouldn’t help, so as soon as it took me to want to react and lie I quickly reacted again knowing how dedicated I am and only the truth will help this process. So I told him the truth he got angry again  after actually being able to talk to me for almost 24 hours. I feel like I want to give up but I know I can’t this is part of what I did.  ( the affair and change of heart towards my husband was only a matter of 3 months & we have been married 6  years) I’m completely committed to working this, there’s no doubt, I have a tracker he put on my phone and also my security cameras back up proving nobody is coming in or out of the house. These speed bumps just can really deflate your efforts but it’s about his healing I know that and I don’t ever talk about my emotions with him I make sure it is all about him. Any advice or any type? Id love input.