Romance her, but don't be superficial about it. Identify what her romantic needs are, and seek to meet those.

For instance, some people's highest romantic need involves "domestic support." If helping with house chores and things that need to be done is hers, then it sounds like you are already doing that.

But that might not be in her top three, in which case it won't do you much good to me need #5 but not 1, 2 or 3. To help identify what those are for her, what she's requested in the past could provide a clue.

For instance, I knew pretty quick what Gabi's #1 romantic need was without her saying a word. She'd relentlessly always asked me to do things with her and the kids: grocery shopping, gym, 4th of July fireworks, handing out Halloween candy, etc. She wanted companionship, spending time being with me. And I had been giving her precious little of it.

Buying flowers and the like by itself can come across superficial. But if you find those core needs and meet them, your efforts over time will more likely convince her of your love for her. Then flowers mean something in that context.

Cole - Thank you for your encouragement and focus. She likes trying new foods and going new places (these days, especially things and places in no way associated with the other woman), so the Mongolian Grill seemed like a good choice. Before D_day, we had a new-food-of-the-month policy. This is a new one.

Remembering her top romantic needs takes a lot of work because that was 3 lifetimes ago. The life before the affair and discovery, the life of shock and homelessness, the life of exile, and now the life of possibility.

I'm sure her romantic needs have evolved, just as mine have. I have a lot of new listening to do and get to know her all over again.

onendone
Well then I think you are well on your way and I wish you much luck. She is enjoying your company and that is a good thing. You will get to hold her in time.

Thank you. Our touching is our greatest source of joy, comfort and healing. It will do us both a world of good.

It is great to see the team of Gabi and Cole posting. They are great. Interesting point you made, Cole. Top romantic needs for me are intimacy, respect, compionship. And don't forget the flowers and chocolate!

White chocolate raspberry truffle. That's her fa... Ooh-ooh.. I have until Saturday! THANK YOU!

My dear brother, we're happy to help.

Well, I managed not to cry in front of the judge at divorce court today. I have tales to tell and comfort and new insights to offer.

http://pendencrystals.blogspot.com/2012/08/the-weeping-buddha.html

Please let me know when I am welcome here again. Thank you.

Tell your tales. I had a feeling you might be a Wiccan as well. Is your avatar a copy of the Venus Of Willendorf? Us Witches are everywhere, are we not? Of coiurse you are welcome here. I have many faults, but I am not the type to hold grudges!

How long have you been a Pagan? 14 years for me.

Actually, I'm Taoist, but some of my best friends are witches. My avatar is the weeping Buddha, because I destroyed the one I love most. http://pendencrystals.blogspot.com/2012/08/the-weeping-buddha.html

I'll post a new thread when a specific wounded dove here accepts my apology. She knows who she is, and how I hurt her. I dealt her the cruelest blow there is in reaction to her impugning the sincerity of my love for my wife. I held a mirror in front of her.

So please accept my apology for interpreting "ahem" as "ad hominem". I never meant to make you angry in the first place. I am still learning that humility is a gift.

http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/cheatersanonymous/discussions/messages/17863665/page-2

I'm glad you did okay today! I'm sure it was difficult but I know you will continue on doing as you have been. Oh I very much hope that you will begin to feel free to post again! Please do!

I'll be posting only replies to my own existing posts until my apology is accepted or at least acknowledged by the lady I injured here. All too often, kindness is misinterpreted as weakness and humor is misinterpreted as malice. I invite everyone to look at the content of my posts and see if there are any personal attacks whatsoever. Read the meaning of the weeping Buddha. Read my sole personally offensive statement. Understand my need to apologize.

I'm not real comfortable with this approach, onendone. I feel you should just make a humble and sincere apology and then get on with the businesses of supporting and receiving support. If you get an acceptance then mores the better. That way, if you get acceptance you know it's because she wants to give it. Apologies are best given expecting nothing in return.
Cole had an experience that blew up on him over on infidelity once when he incurred the wrath of the females. It was almost humerus. Almost.

Thank you. I will defer to your judgement. I just wanted to reach out and heal any hurts I had done. I wanted to make sure my apology was heard.

Awesome onendone. That was easy. I must have an easy button today! :-D