Cheaters Anonymous Community Group
This is a support group for cheating spouses looking for understanding and strength. Betrayed spouses are welcome to post ONLY if they can do so in a supportive manner (no bashing...these posts will be deleted), and please do not comment on 'Cheaters Only' posts.
I am exactly 9 months since DDay today. Not sure if it's coincidence that I am having a hard time the last few days or not. BS and I have been working hard on our marriage and in many ways, it is stronger and better then ever. I work hard at NC with AP but unfortunately, he's a coworker. I try to avoid as much as possible but every once in a while, we cross paths. We used to attemp polite conversation and I felt there might have been an attempt on his part to reconnect a few months ago. But I think he's gotten the hint and now we barely say hi. All of this is for the better but as I said, lately, I've felt a little sad about it. Worried about what AP thinks of me (even though I know it doesn't matter), missing a little bit the connection and conversation we shared a year ago during our short lived A. I know this is just a passing feeling...the feelings for AP get weaker every day and the feelings for my BS keep getting stronger. But right now, in this moment, I'm having a hard time.
I think you should change jobs. It would be better for everyone.
I'm sorry but one of you needs to find a different job. If not, you will surely fall back into it.
Why not do the things that it will take to find another job. Change careers. Is it going to be difficult.. probably. More difficult than a divorce? Probably not. You make the choice...
I've been quiet for awhile, but I am glad to see you posting again. I'm sorry to be late to reply here. Some of the responses above have been a bit rough, I'm sorry about that. I feel for your situation and your hurting heart. Having to have contact is difficult and we are here to support you. I miss my AP, too, I especially miss the conversation and the friendship and that is hard. It is great that you are working on improving your relationship with your husband, and that this going well. How does your husband handle when you bump into your AP? I know mine would be livid, although I think he had gotten much more better lately with that knee-jerk potential response. I imagine that would make it harder for you?
My advice? Keep hanging in there! Do what you need to do, but do it for you not to avoid someone else. If you stay in your job/career, know that this will dissipate and die down over time. Frankly, I'm of the Pollyanna opinion of "why can't we all just get along", but I know that sadly most humans don't seem to, or seem to want to, work that way, and that would take a LOT of courage, and involve significant risk (of not working out). I'm not promoting another affair, but just the idea that maybe we could be reasonable and respectable with each other, which might include the possibility for limited contact (after some time of no contact) that establishes parameters and civility and makes your intentions of "the affair is over" clear. For piece of mind and closure. But, alas, humans are a complicated species.
Hang in there, my dear, and know that plenty of us are listening here and wishing the best for you - as we work through our own situations and aftermaths, too!