Cheaters Anonymous Community Group

This is a support group for cheating spouses looking for understanding and strength. Betrayed spouses are welcome to post ONLY if they can do so in a supportive manner (no bashing...these posts will be deleted), and please do not comment on 'Cheaters Only' posts.

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butterfly17 06/14/2018

This is my first time posting here. But I am on the brink of divorce with my husband. I cheated on the best man God ever created, and I feel so terrible. I had everything right in front of me...but I was selfish, and insecure and it has led me here. I have tried to get him to stay, but the damage is too far gone. I have tried to show him how much I love and care about him, but it didnt help that I didnt come clean fully until recently, part of me didnt want to hurt him more, but all I accomplished as hurting him even more. I know I am a terrible person for doing this to another. I am seeking therapy for this and have tried counseling with him but it has not worked. We are going to sell our home this summer and he will serve me with papers shortly after. I hate myself for this. I do not see life without him. But he is ready to move on. I keep praying to God for a miracle and have tried to surrender my marriage restoration to Him. I know He is working in me to make me a better person, but I am so scared that I am destined for a life of punishment. The people that have these things done to them always are blessed and favored....but will I have to endure this for the rest of my life? This is the biggest failure of my life. I used to pray that God would turn his heart towards me again, but...he is ready to leave and get as far away from me as possible. I am on a downward spiral of emotions. I am just venting I guess. Any thoughts on how to push through? Please save the comment about me being awful :( I really already know and my husband reminds me at times of the horrible crimes I have commited. I really really love him and dont want him to leave me.

Lost11 06/15/2018

I agree with the comment above me- it is great that you are doing counseling. Try to keep busy and focus on you. You will eventually be able to forgive yourself and move on if necessary. Keep posting in the group and reach out for support !

StormPetrel 06/15/2018

You made bad choices and have to live with the consequences.
You do have an opportunity from today forward to make better choices.
It's really pretty simple.

butterfly17 06/15/2018

Thank you all for the replies. Who would want me after this? I do not want a life without him, but it seems like thats what is going to happen. The people that have wrong done to them are automatically favored and blessed, because they didnt deserve what they got. It may sound selfish, but I do think about it at times. What will become of my life? Will I be punished after this. I feel like I am living in hell right now with us being in the same house together. He has stopped counseling, and now says he doesnt ever want to see me again. He says mean things to me, and says I deserve more than what he is giving me. Granted its not terrible, but it still cuts deep. I am not sure what to do anymore at this point. I keep praying to God for restoration in my marriage. I am just so lost.

forwardmotion 06/18/2018

There is nothing wrong with continue to pray that your marriage is restored. At the same time as was mentioned regardless God has laid out a path for you to pursue holiness in the future regardless of the outcome of your marriage.

You should also pray for your husband and that he may recover and find peace either with a restored marriage or in his next potential one.

It's clear you now want to be faithful and love your husband but if it is his choice to leave it makes sense that you would want him to heal and live a joy filled life.

butterfly17 06/18/2018

I guess. I am being selfish because I want to give him a better life. But he deserves better than me I guess. I was probably dumb to think that he could take me back.

forwardmotion 06/19/2018

Whatever karma or scarlet A you feel you have earned won't have a large isolating effect. When you consider that half the population have/will cheat then there should be many people who share a similar past.

As was mentioned you can't control all your circumstances but only how you manage your life going forward.

Owning up to your mistakes and accepting your consequences already puts you at an advantage in terms of being on a reforming path rather than a downward spiral, or at best a repeating cycle.

We can't change the past decisions but your future is determined by choices you make going forward and the lessons you have learned from your past.

butterfly17 06/19/2018

Thank you so much for being so supportive. I just need to keep bettering myself and improving. I am currently seeing a therapist. My issue was similar to yours @iremon. I had issues with my selfworth and seeking validation. My husband made me feel like i was enough, but the second that something came before me (even though this man lived his life for me), my insecurities took over and I need to seek the other person to fill that void. I know it sounds terrible. I just need to accept the fact that my husband is leaving...and try to move forward as much as I dont want to. I try to engrain the harsh things he has said to me to further allow me to accept it. I know I am a good wife...I know I am a good woman despite my terrible life choices. I would give him the world. But I cannot force anyone to be with me. I just hope that the future holds amazing things for both of us.

Siggghhh123 06/29/2018

I’m so sorry for your pain. I don’t believe there is much worse feeling than regret and remorse. :(

RPK82 06/29/2018

I haven't logged in to this site in quite sometime as I'm going through the same thing. Reading your post resonated with me on a deeply personal level because it sounds just like mine. You've come to a good place for support and advice. It's not going to be easy, but time will lend comfort to your heart. Be kind to yourself, allow yourself to grieve, but don't beat yourself up with regret. Take everything one day at a time, lean on friends and family, find a therapist to help you get through the rough parts, and remember that you're a person, not a monster; ignore the negativity and guilt that people try throw on you because nobody knows your life but you. Feel free to message me if you'd like to chat, our stories are quite a like.

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