Cheaters Anonymous Community Group
This is a support group for cheating spouses looking for understanding and strength. Betrayed spouses are welcome to post ONLY if they can do so in a supportive manner (no bashing...these posts will be deleted), and please do not comment on 'Cheaters Only' posts.
I’m not technically cheating anymore. I am 3 years or so into the divorce process and have been progressing slowly forward with OM who I love so very much. But with the papers about to be signed I am feeling scared and unsure about my decision.
My soon to be ex has been trying to reason with me to come back, all along, and mostly for the kids but he also says he is still in love with me. I don’t know what to do. I miss my kids so much when they are with him and I don’t want to damage them any more than I already have. If I go back we will all be financially stable and have an intact family. No more will the kids be missing out on the other parent. No more instability for any of us.
But I love the OM who I call my boyfriend. I am afraid I won’t be able to get over him and what our potential future held. I am afraid if I get back with my soon to be ex that the same old problems will be there: control, lack of support, disrespect (ironic coming from a CS) But my kids deserve so much more.
I am at a crossroads here and could use some advice or past experiences anyone else has had.
Have you heard of your chances of success with OM? It's 2%. And usually you end up with the same, if not worse, complications than in your marriage.
Have you tried counseling with your H? I'm not trying to dissuade you into staying in the marriage but you need to be sure. That's not a swinging door on your marriage. You have to make a decision, then live with it.
Every CS and BS had warned you about the fallout that would come to your family if you proceeded.
The warnings were not heeded and you find yourself at the final decision, and as Clover said the one you will have to live with.
It is incredible that your husband is willing to allow you back after so long.
When we become parents we now have the responsibility to love our children more than ourselves. Put them first this time.
As the 2% stats go it also doesn't indicate happiness for those 2%. I would gather that even they have deep regret for the rest of their lives.
Since you admittedly love the OM and not him do him and you a favor and continue with divorce proceedings.
Let him find someone that feels as good about him as you feel about OM. Tell him that is what he deserves - love that you are unable to give him.