Cheaters Anonymous Community Group

This is a support group for cheating spouses looking for understanding and strength. Betrayed spouses are welcome to post ONLY if they can do so in a supportive manner (no bashing...these posts will be deleted), and please do not comment on 'Cheaters Only' posts.

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abetterman 06/29/2015

I am a happily married man, or I sincerely believe I am. I have a wonderful life and feel blessed every day. But....a little over a year ago I met someone that immediately struck me. It was an innocent meeting but I was intrigued. We spent a casual evening talking amongst friends but something was different. I am not an unattractice man and I get my share of attention from women but I always politely brush it off. This was different. It was one of those moments when you meet someone and you feel as if you already know them. We spent a short time time talking the next evening as well and I was surprised how comfortable and close it felt. She didn't pursue me, we were just comfortable together. As corny as that sounds. This was a surprise because I don't normally don't get surprised by people. I like to think I read people well and that may be part of the problem. I knew in a short time how honest, sincere and kind she was....a good person. And I was impressed. The last time I was that impressed by a woman I knew immediately and later that woman became my wife. Anyway after our short meeting we hugged and said our goodbyes. She lives a long distance away but we still talk and text often. It has been over a year now. I thought the feeling would fade over time and we would drift apart. It hasn't and each time we text after a long absense it's as if we just saw each other the previous day. Luckily we live a long distance from one another so there is no temptation there but I know that soon we will be in the same city. She respects my situation but we have also both admitted how close we feel even though we have only seen each other for a short time. When we are I the same city I don't know if I can resist seeing her. I have never cheated before but i want to see her and I know where that leads.

I know I need to end things and go NC but I am finding it very difficult. How do I cut ties with someone I find to be very rare in this world? Maybe I am in the "fog" but I am struggling with this. I know I am being a self centered ass but I can't get her off my mind. Help.

abetterman 07/19/2015

I have never had to push someone away that I didn't want to. It's hard.

sarah2220 07/19/2015

Maybe not, but think of the big picture. The ramifications and devastation that is inevitable if you do not push her away. Maybe that will help.

atmylowest 07/20/2015

I will say that once you begin thinking of this other person you will find yourself nitpicking about your spouse and where there were not problems before, suddenly you will think of your spouse less and less. This is dangerous. I have been there and it was a long-term thing. As difficult as it may be, flee from this. Work on your marriage even though it isn't where your mind is.

elleparis 07/21/2015

Oh I feel for you. It is such a high. At first I thought I could use my high and be better at home. But after a while I didn't want to be at home. I wanted only to be with OM. I was not present for over 5 years. My A was 6 and half years. You are growing distant cause you are thinking about the OW. The OW or OM takes up so much brain space. I wish I never met mine. It started just like yours. I knew it was wrong and I wanted out so badly for so long and I could never do it. Maybe there are problems at home, so try to deal with them and don't distance yourself. And/Or the distance is causing problems. It could be both. Either way, try to give your home life as much attention as you are this OW. This is always the best part, the beginning, it was that way when you met your wife too. I am so sorry you are going through this.

shoretimenow 07/21/2015

Pretty is absolutely correct you are distancing yourself because your mind is elsewhere.
The others are correct, you do need to make choices here.
I completely understand where you are coming from. I joined DS a full 3 months before I ended my A after attempting to do so prior to that many, many times. THEN I went back.
And, also, as one poster on here once told me, "These things never end well".
You are in the right place. We get it.

abetterman 07/24/2015

I can say that this forum has been very helpful but I still can't get her off my mind. We texted today and I think about her too often. If anything happens between us it will make it that much harder to let her go..... but I want to see her, and I am running out of time. I need something to wake me from this fog.

prettyanddumb12 07/24/2015

There's nothing ANYONE can say or do to awaken you. It's completely on you to do it. It's the hardest thing imaginable, to convince yourself that your feelings aren't real, or more accurately, aren't sustainable. Once you're on the course I'm afraid it's going to be even harder to get off before the inevitable emotional crash and burn.

teacher37 07/24/2015

Betterman- you won't stop the train from crashing even though we are all telling you it will. If you see this through to the end you will experience the same pain and hardships that we have. Your continued contact with her will lead to a physical affair and you will be hooked just like us. You are at a pivotal moment in your life. You knew enough about the consequences to come to this site before the PA started so do something NOW while you are still somewhat clear headed.

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