So sorry you are hurting Despair999.

Here is a thread that will help you out.

http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/cheatersanonymous/discussions/messages/18476443

Despair, You are so much stronger than I. 5 weeks? I have gone as much as 1.5 days, but am still trying. I'm sorry you fought with your wife. I just moved out on Sunday. Not sure for how long. Today was really hard :'(

Despair999 you are going to have to dig deep around the holidays! They are the worst- I've been NC for over a year, and even I have moments of wanting to reach out to OM. I have to take it day to day and remind myself of why it is an extremely bad idea to reach out to him. I don't want to get back into the A, but yes there are times, I still miss him as a "friend", but I know friendship is not possible. Holidays bring all those good feelings to us, about family and good cheer, and reaching out to old friends. You have to ignore all of that bull sh$# when it comes to our ex AP. Don't do it- it only leads to regret. Yes you will need more than a rubber band. Before you attempt to reach out- make yourself wait an hour- see if the feeling passes. During that hour make a list of all the reasons it is a really bad idea to call that person. Hope this helps- Stay Strong!

It does help. Just had second mc session. Not good. And you know who I want to talk to about it. Deep breath.

@despair999 - I'm on day 9: the pain is less and I have failed almost every day, but I'm working towards NC. I'm on my way to MC, I'll see my wife, then dinner then a trip. :) Hang in there, 10 days ago I did not believe that feeling better could happen, and although it still sucks and I am in pain and desperately want to talk to "you know who", I feel about a centimeter better. maybe not even that much. I am tearing up right now. Stay strong.

Made 7 months and made the mistake to meet up and now knee deep please don't do what I did stay true!!