Hi and welcome! This subject has been really active on here lately and you will get some really good responses. I am the married one. My OM is single. I have my reasons for not leaving my H, in spite of the fact that I love my OM. There are a number of ladies on here who see (or used to see) married men. You are in very good company my dear. You will find a lot of support here. Hugs.

I just have to ask this...how well do you know him and his situation at home? Do you know his W? Do you know for a fact that she is all those things? And if she is he is probably complacent. He probably will not leave. They don't. No matter sometimes how bad it may get he will stay for the kids, for what he has built with her and the history they have. That isn't saying that he may not be terrified too. There is the old adage...it's sometimes cheaper to keep her...sorry you are going through this!

Yes Iris :) She is in good company! and there is lots of support here!!

Hi! Welcome!

Sounds like hes got the best of both worlds. The stability of a M and family and someone who really "gets him" i dont mean to sound cynical but i was also in a relationship w a M man. I heard all the same things. We connected talked about a future. Everything.

The thing to remember is he is M and hes cheating. His W may not be all those things he said she is. Or else why didnt he leave.

Sorry you are struggling with this. You will receive a lot of support here.

You are getting great advice. Hangingon is asking the exact same questions I would ask.

Terrified to ruin his relationship with her, perhaps. Perhaps he is also terrified that his image will be stained, that he will be labeled, that he will lose something he values in his social connections. Terrified of the tensions it may place on his relationship with his family, with her family, with any mutual friends, with any coworkers, and absolutely, with his kids.

You said it - you offer love, sexuality, financial independence, and fun. Remember this! You bring good things. You are a valuable person. Don't let someone take that value away from you. Don't let his excuses of the financial burden of separation/divorce or burden on the kids cheapen that value. You have value independent of him. You just need to decide what the best course of action is for you. Don't compare yourself to his wife either. It's hard to get a full, clear picture when you are too close to be objective.

He may really love you and just be crippled by that terror. He may be a cake-eater as notmyself described. Whatever the reason, you have to consider the reality that he might not leave her. And you have to decide how long you are willing to be an OW. Generally, OPs get hurt, and in some situations that I've witnessed, the OP was the person in the affair triangle who suffered the most. If you don't want to be an OW anymore, you can't just rely on him to leave at some unspecified future time. You have to set your own boundaries.

May you find lots of support here.

It's true. You need to decode where the line in the sand is for you. You are already past my line in the sand for as far into the affair as you are.

Thanks ya'll. Yes I know her, she is a friendememy. When we met everyone said watch out for her, she is nuts. She watches his (and kids) cell phone activity all day and has to know who each is. If they don't tell her she will call them! And he is in sales! Spends all their $, he lost HIS car while she kept her $800 a month. Etc etc etc

eva said it well. I will only add that I was in a relationship like yours for 9 years. Yes, I hung in there way too long. When I think about all the time I lost that I will never get back, I could cry. I got involved with him when my husband had an affair. Instead of demanding that my husband end it I used the A to hide from our probems. I know you think what you have is different. So did I until the day I could no longer deny the facts. He had another OW besides me and had many before me. I loved him with all my heart and soul and it nearly killed me to learn this, but I came here, found lots of people to listen, and I survived. It has been 4 months and I still hurt from time to time, but I am no longer consumed with it.

I keep telling this story over and over in the hopes it will help just one person avoid the pain I have experienced.