If your H chooses to cheat and throws it in your face, where is the level of respect? Yes he was hurt, but it sounds like you were moving on until he saw the email. Instead of coming to you and saying " hey, I came across this today and it brought a lot back for me," he goes on Craigslist? Have either of you had counseling? The wounds sound like they are very raw and need to be dealt with otherwise a vicious circle has started and what kind of marriage is that?
I also think a change in birth control is a good idea. There are plenty out there that do not cause depression and reduce sexual desire. If your H doesn't get it from you, it may be one more reason he would look elsewhere. Good luck

Yeah I thought about the bc thing being a reason as well cause we def haven't been having sex as much as we used it and when we do, i don't enjoy it. We tried counseling, he didn't like it, and now we don't have insurance anymore and can't afford mine for my sexual addiction, which thanks to the bc doesn't matter lol. But. I don't think he's doing what he's doing to be mean, but to keep it open. I had told him before he could have a "girlfriend" if i wasn't giving it to him enough, i just didn't want to know about it, he had to be safe and he couldn't spend our money on her becuase we live paycheck to paycheck as it is, and this wouldn't be a big issue, if he didn't come home saying he's found his dream girl, you know? Idk. He works nights, i work days, i don't wanna start a fight so i don't bring it up, but i know we'll have to talk soon about this.

One thing I can tell you in the infidelity in your situation does not beget infidelity. Scientics recently have found that cheating is in the genes. With that said. I believe that cheating is a choice. Just like with high blood pressure, cholesterol, and heart diease, its all a choice. You have to choose to eat the right foods so you dont end up with these dieases. You have to choose not to cheat on your spouse. Its just that plain and simple. In your case, you husband is angry, mad, upset, hurt. He is doing these things to hurt you. To get a rise out of you. I would say its the equivilant of shaking you, trying to get you to see what you have done to him. I know how he feels, I felt the same way when my husband had an affair. I wanted to shake him but as adults we cant do that so we shake in other ways.
The only thing that can resolve this situation is communication. You have to communicate. I do understand it will hurt both of you but you have to do it. Tell him how you feel. If you still feel he can have a girlfriend then tell him so but also tell him that you dont want to know abou it. Give him all the ground rules you did before and make sure he understands them. Then wait for his response. You may find that the wind might just go out of his sails. Or he might just decide to go ahead with the girl friend and just not tell you anything anymore. Which ever the case maybe, just both just need to communicate, thats the only way things will get resolved.

Good luck.

neednhelp27 thank you so much for posting this. I was just about to post a similar subject. Today I found myself being very angry and jealous of a friend of my husbands at work. She has expressed interest in him if our marriage doesn't work out. And yesterday when I picked him up from work I saw them walking together down the hall. Now I find out that there is a roomer about them being involved at work. I don't feel like I have the right to be jealous of anything. I'm doing much worse to him. But seeing that yesterday just sparked a fire in me and I was pissed. I feel very hypocritical. I don't feel like I have the right feel this way. But on the other hand I don't want to see him with someone else. I'm pretty messed up. I don't know if that helps but at least you know your not alone. :)

Thanks for your replies. Yeah, he pretty much told me tonight he's doing it cause i got to do it before and if i don't like it i'll just have to deal with it. I told him i regret what i did and i don't want him to feel the same way, he said, he's not gonna feel guilty about it, he's tired of being the nice guy and getting run over. I have really screwed up my marriage and i don't know how to fix it. idk what to do.

I agree with Deidre. You are entitled to your feelings and you do not have to tolerate something you don't like and that causes you pain just because you did the same thing. I would never cheat on my H because I know how much it hurt me and I love him enough to never want to see him suffer like that.

On the other hand, if you gave your H the green light to have a girlfriend you really can't complain because he went out and did it. You can complain because he broke the rules you laid down and you can certainly tell him that now that he is doing it you have changed your mind about it because you didn't think it would bother you, but now that it is happening you realize that it does.

Telling you he has found his dream girl is very hurtful. I would be tempted to tell him that if he has found his dream girl then perhaps you should call it quits on the marriage, or just make it a marriage of convenience, because obviously you aren't meant to be together if he has found someone he feel is better suited for him than you are.

Well I decided to fight for my H yesterday. I dressed up pretty and went down to his work to see him. His response was such relief and joy at seeing me dress up for him. All he's wanted was his loving wife, beautiful wife back. It was so good to see him that happy. I don't want him to be with someone else. And I don't want anyone else either. Girl you need to fight for your man, he just wants to know that you still want him. Good luck. :)

Yeah I told him I had a surprised planned for this weekend. Money is tight so the plans we originally had planned were fizzled out and I was reading through the paper today and saw they are doing one of those movies in the park things, of a movie he has wanted to see, where the wild things are, so i figured we could do a free movie night picnic thing at the park. So i'm hoping he likes it.

Ugh well, that's plans out. I asked him if he wanted to know about the surprise, he said, yeah, tell me, so I told him and he's like, Yeah, i don't wanna go see that movie. I was like, back when it was coming out you were making plans to go see it with your brother. He's like, no i wasn't, (but he was) so needless to say, he doesn't want to do what i planned. Guess i'll have to figure something else out. :(

if it's any consolation, that movie sucked. plan b, whatever it is, will easily be better :)

Yep plan B :) Good luck. Just keep trying!

LOL!!!

Nosey with the movie review! I like it!

lol thanks. we'll see how it goes. days not starting off well though

Pretty eloquent, hey DAB? I should get a column writing reviews for the local paper. It'd be short, maybe not so sweet.

I don't t