Whoa. Hold your horses. Stop reading Old Testament. There is some bloody and vengeful stuff there. Scary.
Be who you want to be as long as you do no harm to others!

If anything read New Testament.

And if its meant to be - let God find you. And find you he will. And he will show you his love, acceptance and forgiveness. And I bet he has an issue with your boyfriend. And it was a sign from him that you should not marry your boyfriend ;-)

Take care.

Thanks, Jay. I do like the New Testament better. Most Christian denominations don't even read from the Old Testament. At the same time, Christian's believe they are God's people by way of Abraham. So I don't know. Like I hate being confused. I was trying to live my whole life not doing harm to others, and I harmed the very person who stood by my side the most. So I don't trust myself or the innate goodness I thought I possessed before :(

I forgot to answer your question - yes, I do believe in God. In fact I am a Christian. And a bs. :-)
But most importantly I do my best to be a good, kind, emphatic, decent human being. And I believe this is what God expects us to be. And if we fail he gives us their loving hand, helps us get back on our feet and be good human beings again.

Wow. Something clearly got to me today :-)

Btw - did you have sex with your boyfriend? If so, according to his logic, he is doomed too, lol. Just saying. :-)

I don't know what was the level of your betrayal, but seriously - you were not even married. Not that it makes it ok to cheat in any way, but the most important thing is what you will do with it now. How you will grow from it, how you will take this as an opportunity to be a better person and judging from what you wrote and that you found this website at all - you are on the right track. :-)

We used to have sex, but then we were celibate for the last 3 years. I don't like talking bad about my ex. Remember, those words came after I confessed to cheating. He could have said what he said out of anger. After he cooled down some, he sent me texts saying how all have sinned and fell short of the glory of God. He admitted how he did a lot of bad in life. He even said I was better than him because I poured out my honesty when it was easy to lie. The whole saga was strange.

It's funny that you mentioned we weren't married. In the same text he sent to me saying how I was better than him, he mentioned that we governed ourselves like we were married. And we did. We were together long enough to be married, and we had a strong bond for a really long time. My cheating shocked a lot of people.

I believe in a "God of my understanding". Might not be the same thing as a "Christian". I'm more spiritual than religious and have struggled with that whole belief thing since an early age. I don't understand how a "God" can be so punishing and mean, when he is supposed to "love" all things and all things are created in his image??

JustDrifting, all of what you're saying is why I became an atheist in the first place. The Bible doesn't draw me closer to God. I read an incestuous passage yesterday that had me wanting to give up. Lot's daughters had sex with him, and both of them produced sons. Lot, the guy who was more than happy to let the Sodomites rape his daughters instead of the angels. And these are the righteous few God saved out of Sodom and Gomorrah.

But I'm scared that if I don't believe, then I will do something worse in the future. I just feel lost because when my ex told me that, it made me feel like being an atheist caused me to cheat. Like I was demon-possessed. I guess I am looking for something to explain why I did something so out of character. But the religion isn't helping. I can't force myself to believe this stuff. It feels good to believe someone is out there, but I don't hear God, see God, feel God. All I want is a sign. All I get is confusion.

What an awesome way to control the masses w/ guilt & fear oh wait or was this about politicians. Couldn't help my self! I'm spiritual not religious!!!!!! XD

I absolutely believe in the existence of God. I believe in an all loving and forgiving God. In fact, I am certain of it.

I also believe that somethings occur in our world that are out of our scope to understand. And that is the power of faith.

Now......some organized religions practices, rules & certain Bible translations....are another story.

Justdrifting,

About a month ago my ex and I were having a debate about whether or not birth control should be covered by insurance. Somewhere in the conversation he revealed that the reason he stopped having sex with me was because I would always get freaked out about pregnancy afterwards. He said the stress it was causing me wasn't worth it, and that's why he wanted to wait till after marriage. We had been celibate so long, and I never knew the reason. I just thought it was for religious reasons or that he was afraid to get me pregnant. My friend thought my ex was gay too when I told her we weren't having sex or he would never give oral sex. I began to believe that, unfortunately.

But some people save themselves for marriage and are not gay. My ex is not gay. We didn't have sex, but he was always aroused when he was around me. We were very intimate. We just didn't have sex. And only after I cheated did I find out why. By the way, I told myself if I don't hear from him again by August I will move on for good.

I do believe in God and that is where I found my ability to forgive my cs. I prayed and reconnected with God and found the forgiveness through prayer and faith.

PinkPony66,

Your comment is why I am grateful my ex was very connected with his faith. After the initial confession, he was extremely angry. It was painful to see. But the next few days, he eventually forgave me. I thought he never would. Only through his faith then he find the strength to forgive me. I hope to reach that point spiritually where I do not let people or situations take control of me.

Weakminded,

I'm a Christian, so yes I believe in God. But there is a lot of misinformation and misinterpretation out there as well. You said:

"So I have been trying to pray and read the Bible and go to church, but it just says stuff like the adulterous woman is going to hell. Everything she touches will turn to dirt. Any man who touches her household will fall."

Jesus also forgave an adulterous woman. She became a saint in the Church. You have to look at such statements in full context, not isolated. Proverbs doesn't give absolutes, but general truths. Much like if I said birds can fly. Generally, that is true, but we know some can't. Once Christ came, what could only be dealt with by amputation to save the whole can now be healed.

"The unforgivable sin is blasphemy against God."

Actually it says against the Holy Spirit, but close enough. That is only because someone who has rejected the work of the Holy Spirit by calling Him evil has no recourse to be saved. They've rejected their only source of salvation. God could forgive a person all He wants but it would not help them. Once a person stops blaspheming the Holy Spirit and accepts him, then forgiveness is available.

"Only reason to divorce is infidelity."

Incorrect reading of those verses. It says that the only time divorce *and* remarriage *isn't a sin* is if one's spouse has committed adultery (adultery isn't exactly the same as infidelity). Otherwise divorce and remarriage commits the sin of adultery. But due to the hardness of people's hearts, sometimes that sin is unavoidable and the least of evils. That's why Moses allowed them to divorce, Jesus said. EX: an abusive husband would be a case where divorce and remarriage are less of an evil than continuing to live in an abusive situation. Due to the abuser's hardness of heart, divorce is the better route.

Yes, I know a lot of church groups misunderstand Jesus' words there and say that, but Jesus never said what they are saying. He never nullified Mose's allowance of divorce, but only explained why it was allowed.

"So even if I wanted to be a Christian, it looks like I blew it."

The only way you can blow it would be to fail to confess, repent, and believe/trust/have faith in the person of Jesus Christ, then strive by grace to follow His teachings. Blowing it is part of life. Righteousness resides in a right relationship with God, not with perfect performance of a set of laws. That's why you'll see some people in the OT sin but are still considered righteous. It's why a harlot is an ancestor of Jesus. It is why King David, after committing both adultery and murder, was forgiven and considered close to God. None of what you've done is preventing you being a Christian if you wanted to be.

The question is whether you want to or not. Don't do it because you think you should. Do it because you recognize through it you'll find healing. Because that is what Christianity is about: healing the sick of body and soul, not laws, violations, and punishments. Despite what some Western theologies might suggest.

Cole, thank you so much for clarifying things. That has really lifted my day. You are so blessed.