minspa, my former AP's wife is the most frightening woman I have ever known. She looks tiny and pretty on the outside, but I fear she is capable of almost anything. I will continue to avoid her until the day I die. I really should have known better because he did tell me stories about threats, blackmail, lying, and other abuse in their relationship while our affair was going on. I felt so guilty for hurting her when she discovered it that I apologized profusely and let her continue to stalk and harass, even in the vicinity of our kids, until I finally felt legal action was my only hope. I never speak of her to anyone but my husband, so I am sort of grateful to be able to mention it here.

IDK Bigstep, we are all here for a reason and I guess you have yours. If you have been around here a long time then I guess you have seen first hand instances where hurt and very bitter BS's impersonate something other than they are, come to this forum with intent to seek vengeance on CS's and possibly expose them.

Not saying that is you and your story is really none of my biz, but your lack of specifics and your generalizing most posts leaves me suspicious. Uno us CS's are a suspicious group. Your CS side of you should tell you that.

Leaving, that is your prerogative to be suspicious. But, this seems to be the only group in all of DS that I've ever been associated with that requires a resume to be a part of "the club". That to me is troubling. I don't think it's mandatory to publicly come out with "my story". I did that before. I don't need to do that again to gain acceptance from anyone. That's not why I'm here. I actually have been struggling with a lot of events in my life and am in a bad place. So I come to DS because it's the one refuge where I can be a part of something that is important. Important to me, important to others. And with that, I comment on things that I feel are pertinent to me. Whether it helps or not, I don't know. I HOPE to help those in need. And by my being here, that alone should suggest that I have been through the rigors of shitty decisions. No one I would think chooses to come to an infidelity board or a cheater's anonymous board because it's Friday night entertainment. Well, there are some I suppose, which leads to your point. Yes, I suppose there are those that seek to uproot the privacy the members of this group hope to have here. It's never happened to me. No one has sought to "expose" me. There's nothing really to expose for me, other than I just have no need to repeat "my story" to the masses. That was done aplenty back in the day and it's been years of dealing with it. I'm so over "my story". But that doesn't mean I'm free from troubles, and pain. I have a lot of that. New pain. New problems.

I actually don't know any of your stories, minus a few. If this board had just started today, do you think it's necessary that everyone plops out their full bio in order to qualify themselves, or this board? Why is it necessary to know the full background of another person? If you don't like what they say, which is the case in pretty much every other board here, then can't you choose to ignore it? Or debate it? Why is anything discounted or worse, considered "trolling", when you don't know the full background of another commentor? I don't get that at all.

What I do get is that it's counter-productive, IMO, to be exclusive. "A closed mouth doesn't get fed". Being open to what others say, ESPECIALLY those of the betrayed, to me is so very helpful. That I've seen both sides of this whole shit-storm actually has enlightened me infinitely more than if I had only been the CS. Or the BS. I get both sides. I appreciate both sides. I get the anger, the hatred, the loss, the utter despair of a BS. I get the excitement, the confusion, the burning desire, the fog, and the utter despair, of a CS.

Sad thing is, this is the second time now I've been labeled a "troll" (per your other comment in another post). Such a shame to have that much distrust in someone who legitimately was trying to offer sound advice. And I really think my thoughts are pretty sound. They're certainly not antagonistic and judgemental. I was going to offer a compliment to another member for her wise and compassionate responses I so often see her post. But I don't even get so much as a "no thank you" back when I attempted to befriend her JUST for the sole purpose of sending a message.

What a way to be. But then, I understand. I know the secrecy, the paranoia, and the distrust a cheater has. It's a terrible way to live, I know. But it's the way it is, and so I'll just accept it and not get my feelings all crushed. I'll simply know that it's not worth it for me to get all bent on this group.

That is a really tragic story about the horseback teacher, JD. And I think I know who you are talking to.

Bravo JD

You are the Charlie Sheen of this board.

Thanks for the support man. I really appreciate it.

I did not confess until I knew my husband was going to hear about my affair from someone else if I didn't. I think the fact that I felt guilty, ashamed, and deeply sad when I got caught is a natural reaction. How could I not empathize with my husband's despair over my affair? I think that would make me a sociopath. I also found the repercussions were much worse than I imagined during the affair. I had the, "So this is what this feels like" moment.