I will mention that even after I informed people in the infidelity forum that he is suicidal and asked people to please go easy on him, AT LEAST ten people followed up with comments mocking his pain and mocking his state of mind.

Some of the people who mocked him , even after knowing that he is suicidal, HAVE BEEN THERE

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FOR YEARS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WTH - I'm a BS and I would never react as #17 Even I understand there is pain here!! Can DS remove comments?

Never mind folks #17 was removed!

I take back my defending the infidelity board. Not all but yes there are occasions where a member clearly takes it waaaay to far. I just experienced it and really feel sad in a way, for somebody who carries that much anger around them like a weighted chain.

I agree. I am a BS and I come here to get the CS perspective. I don't like the mean comments I see at times on infidelity board but sometimes I don't like the cold hearted comments I see here. The key is to ignore the stuff that is negative and gain insight and guidance with the good comments.

I agree too that infidelity does rest with both partners and I think that both the CS and BS need to try to understand both sides because it is very painful either way.

However, I do have both sides of this situation. I was the CS over 20 years ago and I still remember the pain of being the CS. But now that I have the BS side.....the pain is much more intense on the BS side. And because I know both sides, I never emotionally attack my ex. Yes we split but finding forgiveness for the CS is important for the BS.....and the CS needs to forgive themselves too.

Despair999...please forgive yourself and forgive the idiots that are so negative.

I don't think infidelity lies with both sides. I think it lies with the one that cheats. The SYMPTOMS lie with both sides and people handle those in different ways.

There is no time limit for pain of any kind. Yes some people hang on to it for years and other can move on at a faster pace. I think the harder you love the more it hurts to be cheated on. I for one was kind of ready for it, you know based on statistics, but it still was not enough to prepare me for the hurt. I'm a few month out and though I wouldn't wish harm to anyone because for me infidelity is not death sentence, I have not full move on either. I'm trying but my hold up is that cheating for a long period of time is a very deceiving thing. The lies you have to tell to yourself, your spouse and the other person is astronomical.

Believe it or not, especially with coworkers, I can see HOW it COULD happen you spend a lot of time with these people but I think the lies for me hurt more. I would respect MY spouse a lot more if he had just come to me. And when I confront you please do keep lying, that made it MUCH worse. To try to shift blame and come up with excuses is immature to me (he didn't do this he own as much as I could prove). If you feel so strongly, own it. This is just ME no one else. I understand that people grow apart (we have been together a LONG time), I understand that you can fall out of love and not be able to find that love again, I understand that sometime you just don't click anymore. So move on and don't drag me down with lies and betrayals. I was actually not to upset with the OW, oh I was angry but I did not try to destroy her or confront her in anyway. I did ask her to only talk to my husband about work but SHE did not take it serious until I forced her to tell her husband. I guess she thought her marriage was more important than mine. I still don't care much for her but I don't waste my time there. Now it is all on my husband (it was about 90% him and 10% her because she knew he was married and we were together no we are having a hard time or separated) I think it also wrong to keep deceiving your spouse when you are down and depressed and blaming it on something other than the truth...again. Asking your spouse to blindly support you in getting over an affair is still a betrayal.

I think it's crazy to want someone to harm themselves because they have an affair or for people to want to harm themselves because their spouse cheated. You know why because after you are gone, they will still be here looking for their happiness. You will have gave your precious life away for nothing. Suicides for financial or relationship reasons puzzle me, they always have.

I'm not mad at every cheater, I'm mad at my spouse so it's not that hard to come here. It is tough to swallow some of the comments because they make me wonder and I feel sorry for the spouse that are blind to the fact that their spouse love someone else but I can separate the two. My husband and our issues are ours and these are other peoples issue. I try not to project my anger here.

People here are going to see if from the cheaters side, the people on the infidelity board are going to see if from the betrayed side (minus the death threats and do harm to yourself). There is really no point to debate it. Which is why cheaters get blasted (depending on how they post) on the infidelity board and BS get blasted over here if they bring their anger about affairs here. I've seen people get nasty over here too so it's not just the infidelity board.