Cheaters Anonymous Community Group
This is a support group for cheating spouses looking for understanding and strength. Betrayed spouses are welcome to post ONLY if they can do so in a supportive manner (no bashing...these posts will be deleted), and please do not comment on 'Cheaters Only' posts.
Hi all,
Tell me something.
What is the point of 'block and delete' when you've memorised their g**d***ed mobile phone number?
I tried. God knows I tried. About three million times. Blocked, and deleted. Unblocked, and un-deleted. Rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat. Over and over and over. Sometimes 10 times a day. Tried my hardest. I just can't. I can't.
Also.. we were always on whatsapp. I tried everything in my power to not look at his profile, at 'last online', to not assume that 'online' means anything for me. (I'm assuming posters here are familiar with whatsapp). I'm 48. Last time I dated, 14 years ago, none of this nonsense existed. I don't know how to deal with 'last online' and 'online'. Oh my god lord I'd give anything in this world to see 'typing' again, but that will never happen.
I know I'm in denial. I know I'm a moron.
I've had a couple of beers.. numbed the pain for an hour or so. I'm going to have a few more. Then, I'm going to wake up tomorrow morning and it will hit me again. Like a damn skyskraper falling on top of me suffocating me.
I cannot cope with this.
I sent you a message sometime last week. Want sure if you got it. Feel free to reach out that way if it helps.
You can get an accountability partner to help keep you honest.
He won't come back. He will never come back. He's discarded me like a used tissue and gone on with his life. There's no need for me in it. He won't be coming back.
I just want to go to sleep forever.
You know what really kills and infuriates me, still?
That even now, 3 months after the disastrous end, I still haven't stopped 'checking'. It used to be 20+ times a day. Now it's once a day or once every few days.
I know it's pointless and only brings humiliating pain. Yet I keep doing it. I can't forget his blasted number and ah, whatever. All ancient history now. Won't go on. No point.
He? Never deleted me, never blocked me, never did anything at all, just, stopped talking to me. Texted me a 'sorry but it's over' and stopped talking to me. If that doesn't show you just HOW much he doesn't give a **** about you.. He doesn't need to delete or block.. he doesn't care if I live or die. That's why he hasn't either deleted or blocked me. It was that easy for him to just discard me from his life and not for one second be tempted to contact me.
In the first couple of weeks when I was literally just dying and refusing to believe it was over, I kept thinking: surely on a human to human basis he must know just how much he's devastated me? He knew how into him I was, how much I wanted him. HE is the one who pursued me and made all the plans and texted and said all the beautiful things and and and and... Surely he must know that I'm going insane with pain? Surely he'd find it in him to maybe just text me a few times, something apologetic, something friendly..anything, let alone call me.. Nope. NO-THING. Not one word, since his last text. No-one's this 'strong'. This isn't strength.. this is pure indifference. That little I meant to him.
Sigh.
Have I learned my lesson? No.
Cheating4support.. if you are asking me then I'm talking about the person I cheated with, heaven help me.....
How does someone, on a Sunday, declare his adoration and make plans stretching into months and then on a following Wednesday decide he no longer wants me? How can one switch from 'my darling gorgeous girl'' to nothing in the space of two days? Only one feasible reason of course and that is that he, from that Sunday to that Wednesday, met someone else, someone younger, slimmer, prettier and thought, why bother with 'her' = me that is. Her with her baggage and her being 7 years older and her difficulties meeting up for dates. Why bother. I owe her nothing. Sod her to f.
Not coping well today. Everything triggers horribly and I just want to disappear. I would murder for one word from him, still. Pathetic doesn't even begin to describe it. He changed his status recently. I cried for 20 mins. He wouldn't cry if I died.