I'm really afraid to break NC cause I know it will throw me back! Made nc for 4 days she wrote and we had good by calls for 5 days after! Agree God knew I broke the moral code but he heard my prayers and believe he doesn't want me to be husband 4 raising a preteen.

I try to make sense out of...... Doing better than the morning!

Love all you guys to be honest since I've signed up and started posting I've feeling better. And thanks the advice and helping try not to return to stupid, lying home wrecking!!!

yes finding this group has really helped me get over my AP. it took me a while to even admit to myself that is what I was doing. But NC is hard....especially the first month. Not a day goes by where I dont think of my OM. I broke NC once by sending him a note on his birthday...and my hubby happened to find that out and it set back a lot of progress we had been making. and I pretty much had to start back at square 1 emotionally. You will still think about her but that doesnt mean you should undo all the progress you had made.

Congrats on the new house by the way! That will definitely take a lot of your energy. Mental thought...go into this new home as you and your wife making it YOUR home where you wont let any Bullshit in the doors. Make a mental recommitment to your wife....I seriously went back and reread the wedding vows my hubby and wrote for our wedding and I cried but that helped me individually recommit to him and remember why I fell for him in the first place. All the things you enjoyed with your xAP you can enjoy with your wife....surprise her with roses, take her on a date (like the kind you had when you were first getting to know her), pick out a meaningful wall hanging with a quote or something that you can put in your new home. This truly is a new beginning for you. Think of everything you would have lost had you gone with your xAP.

And now "if you like pina coladas" is going through my head...great song...message is actually probably applicable to a lot of us here...

Well got this day in the bag! I went back and wrote a list of everything I didn't like about her.

My mom and dad must be rolling over in their graves! How stupid was I giving my wife and kids up for a woman married three times before w each kid being from each husband. Last husband was 14 years older. Think she used him to help w the first two. Not judging anyone just the facts.

God saved me now I have to save myself. I actually prayed for help he delivered! Now I have to do my pennants and that is the hurt I feel and looking at my wife daily w the guilt of how I took for granted 27 years!

So I'll still need you all so don't go anywhere and please still offer your support and prayers I'm not out of the woods yet!!!!!

WOOHOO! You've got good friends here. I like the list idea. the best thing about NC is that it brings an element of clarity.

Still all sucks!!!

This is a tough one for me.

I think I may come across as a bit odd, as my xAP was dating other guys. xAP and I were in love with each other, spent tons of time together, shared everything (except a bed), spent time with her kids, talked about how much we thought about each other and considered each other's likes and dislikes, etc. All of that apart, she was still 26 years my younger and had different life goals, and, as she pointed out, I was married. So date she did. And shared details, which killed me. The final break came when she fell deeply for the latest guy, and I couldn't deal with it. Maybe she would have felt she was cheating on me. Maybe there was something perverse in her nature that made he enjoy sharing details with the man she could do nothing with. I don't know, and that's a part of my pain. But, to answer your question, yes, it's all I can do to stop thinking about the man she's with and what will happen when things get better, or worse. Human nature, I suppose.