She now single married 3 times w kids from all 3 former husbands still love her.

Justdrifting you are so right just hard

I know I made the right choice all logic points that way. My kids are in the early 20s so finally have an empty or nearly empty nest. I guess this is where life is supposed to really start.

I would be trading to a situation of someone whose been divorce 3 time w 3 kids from three different dads. She told me she got married the 3rd time just so she wouldn't be lonely and have a father for her kids. She has a pre teen right now! Logic tells me I was nuts but the heart still hurts!!!!!

and the heart will hurt for a while. But distance from the whole situation brings a lot of clarity. I felt (still do to some extent) love for my OM. and losing him permanently hurts like hell. But then I think logically...did I really expect him to walk away from his marriage and kids and his job and friends to come all the way across the country to live near me while I honestly had no intention of leaving my hubby? Was I really expecting him to break up his marriage and everything he holds dear for my selfish desires? And was ai really willing to give everything up (my family, my job, my home, etc) for him? we would have been great in bed and had a lot of laughs but it wouldnt have lasted...he wouldnt have been able to go back and see his family again (his family made that very clear to me when they saw stuff between us a year ago before things got really bad). You care for her and love her and that may never fully go away and you will still think of her from time to time. But you are starting to look at it logically...you have the rest of your life ahead of you and you very well could have been divorce #4....

Silversprin and everyone else thank you all for your words! This site is helping me so much!!!

I had a bad day thought about AP all day. Then to boot there was bon fires in the neighborhood! All I could think of is the AP and her sitting by the fire w the new dude! So I got a nice bottle of wine and sat w daughter and wife. Felt good but still thinking of AP.

Made day 9 with NC yeah!!!

My xAp has someone else (&more) and, yep, sometimes it gets to me...but this site, my friends on this site, and my IC clearly helped me see it for all it really is.
And you know what? I have someone too.....a husband who worships me. No contest there.
But please know...it is SO HARD - these things never end well-.....we get it....and good luck with day 10!!

Day 10 challenge...take 1-2 hours and do something that you enjoy doing that your xAP didnt. Whether its a hobby, watching a certain movie/TV show....go do something for YOU. or try something new that you never have before...take your wife to a new restaurant, etc. I know it sucks right now but I promise its okay to still enjoy life and to smile!

Silversprin. Thanks for the ideas! We took my daughter and her boyfriend out for her 20th b-day and she said one thing that nearly MADD my burst into tears - you guys are do cute together!

I realize how my behavior almost killed together. Day 10 will be hard but not as hard as day 1 or 2. Doesn't I'm not still sad and upset about my AP. But I would never have that comment w her.

So off to day 10 and thank you for your support!!

Thanks for all the advice think today is going to be tough feeling such strong feelings for xAP and I know she is on to the next guy. Gonna walk my dogs w my wife and try and be happy!! This has to hit a peak then get better! If I feel like this forever I'll scream!

Justdrifting you are great just are

You won't feel like this forever. I'm 1.5 years out. I still am sad some times. Last year at this time I was a blubbering mess. It is now so much better. I look back at that time and can't believe that was me. Is everything peaches and cream......far from it but not sour grapes either. One minute at a time will become days, weeks, months and years.

i have been 1 month since my last contact with my OM and its easier every day. At the end of July will be a year since he and I were physically together (living across the country made the few times we were in the same room that much more special)...and it does get easier. I have been the blubbering mess curled up in my rocking chair, I have screamed out loud to an empty room. I have written letters that I will never send. But slowly I have begun to emerge and you will too Restore. I am proud of you for making it to day 9 and tomorrow will be yet another new day. I still think about him and miss him and sometimes crave that touch or hearing him whisper into my ear. But then I think about what I almost lost and then feel my husbands touch or hear him whisper into my ear and am reminded of what truly matters.

And don't let his head swell Restore anymore than it already has.....J/K...but he is needed here....tough love!

Day 10 is so so! Walked dogs with wife we talked a lot about life. We just bought a new house and getting it fixed up!

When my AP comes to my mind and I think of what we use to do (not all sex). I ask myself if my wife can do the things the AP was giving me and the answer is always yes and in some terms thinks she see those things were missing!!! I think I just started taking my relationship for granted and just thought my wife wasn't interested. I think I'm finding her wanting and needing what the AP wanted.

It's still really hard knowing she is "finding a new path". I hope she finds it and I get back down the right path but day 10 not going well thinking about the AP way too much still!!!

Advice please......

Restore, day 10 is a huge accomplishment ...... But it's still very, very new.
I am almost 5 months out and think of him every day. Not obsess like I used to, but every day. Some people will tell you it can take years. My IC said it takes even more time!

Be kind to yourself. Expect the highs & lows. Your moods will change like the weather in New England.
Instead of focusing on NC with the wrong person, focus on FC (full contact) with the right one (to quote my friend Spokane who thinks I don't listen).

If I regret ANYTHING in the last 5 months it is breaking NC... I did/we did..... I swear to you it will set you right back. When you think it can't get any harder, breaking NC will do just that.
Keep the faith. Journal it out....write it out....visit the boards.