Cheaters Anonymous Community Group
This is a support group for cheating spouses looking for understanding and strength. Betrayed spouses are welcome to post ONLY if they can do so in a supportive manner (no bashing...these posts will be deleted), and please do not comment on 'Cheaters Only' posts.
I have been in an EA for 4 months. Last week OM and I went out for a drink after work. Several drinks later and after a few hours of great conversation we ended up in my car, stopping just short of sex. The interaction was hot yet with sweet passion. He admitted feelings for me almost as long as I had feelings for him.
We talked about seeing each other again and agreed on Monday. The next few days we texted a lot while he was out of town. It was obvious we both looked forward to Monday.
Monday came and all smiles he suggested we go to his place. I was looking forward to spending a few hours with him to continue the progression of what I thought was the start of a relationship. Please understand that I have been struggling with making the decision to leave my M.
When I got to his house he wanted to talk. He brought up very strong concerns he had about moving forward. Getting caught was #1. He said he was afraid to text me that my H would see it come up on my phone and he was worries it'd forget to delete my texts. Also what my H would do, like showing up at his house or calling his boss. He didn't want me to leave my M for him too much pressure on him, what if it didn't work out; we work 15 feet away from each other, if it ended badly how would we work together; we would have a cloud over us of sneaking around; and he wanted to be a role model for his older kids. He said he came a long way from where he was years ago and then apologized for getting carried away last week!
He said unless I left my M he could not continue down this road. He was genuinely sad about it and I stammered about how I had to respect his decision. He said he wanted to stay friends, he likes our conversations and going to lunch. He said he would still be a sounding board if I wanted to talk to him about my M and would give me advice.
He basically pulled the rug out from under me! Why would he all of a sudden do a 180?? Not at all what I expected. I am heartbroken and so lonely. I feel like I lost my best friend. I don't know how to feel or what to do. I'm lost. I can't eat and all I want to do is sleep. I cry all the time. I love him so very much.
I saw my dr yesterday and she put me on antidepressants and gave me a referral for IC. I am waiting for a return call for that. In the meantime all I think about is him. I want to text him so bad all the time but I don't want to go overboard and completely lose him as a friend. I have texted him a couple times since Monday and he always responded immediately.
What happened?? What do I do now?
Does anyone have any words of encouragement or experiences they can share about an AP ending it?
We talked about seeing each other again and agreed on Monday. The next few days we texted a lot while he was out of town. It was obvious we both looked forward to Monday.
Monday came and all smiles he suggested we go to his place. I was looking forward to spending a few hours with him to continue the progression of what I thought was the start of a relationship. Please understand that I have been struggling with making the decision to leave my M.
When I got to his house he wanted to talk. He brought up very strong concerns he had about moving forward. Getting caught was #1. He said he was afraid to text me that my H would see it come up on my phone and he was worries it'd forget to delete my texts. Also what my H would do, like showing up at his house or calling his boss. He didn't want me to leave my M for him too much pressure on him, what if it didn't work out; we work 15 feet away from each other, if it ended badly how would we work together; we would have a cloud over us of sneaking around; and he wanted to be a role model for his older kids. He said he came a long way from where he was years ago and then apologized for getting carried away last week!
He said unless I left my M he could not continue down this road. He was genuinely sad about it and I stammered about how I had to respect his decision. He said he wanted to stay friends, he likes our conversations and going to lunch. He said he would still be a sounding board if I wanted to talk to him about my M and would give me advice.
He basically pulled the rug out from under me! Why would he all of a sudden do a 180?? Not at all what I expected. I am heartbroken and so lonely. I feel like I lost my best friend. I don't know how to feel or what to do. I'm lost. I can't eat and all I want to do is sleep. I cry all the time. I love him so very much.
I saw my dr yesterday and she put me on antidepressants and gave me a referral for IC. I am waiting for a return call for that. In the meantime all I think about is him. I want to text him so bad all the time but I don't want to go overboard and completely lose him as a friend. I have texted him a couple times since Monday and he always responded immediately.
What happened?? What do I do now?
Does anyone have any words of encouragement or experiences they can share about an AP ending it?
I think your potential AP did you a favor. Your looking at it as though he dissed you-he did the right thing for the both of you. Affairs are destructive to all involved. All valid points from him. Don't fault him for having a moral compass.
I've been on both sides of affairs-both suck. Not healthy for either party or either side.
Work on you-the IC will be good for you. As far as the antidepressants I would stay clear of them-I was on them for a very short time-the worst thing I ever did-they numbed me from everything-I didn't give two cents for or about anything-rethink those.
For now-be friends - either work at your marriage or leave it-but bringing a third party in the middle of it isn't fair to anyone of you. Just my two cents.
Sending you support and prayers.
The day after OM could tell something happened and he was concerned. He stopped by my desk and emailed to check on me. We went to lunch and I told him what happened. He said he warned me that no matter how careful I was there was still a way to be found out. He said he was half annoyed and half amused by the situation. He said he could handle my H calling him at work because I told him that could happen. The next morning OM emailed to check on me to see if anything new happened. I told him it had and had gotten worse with my H and that he was certainly going to call him. My H did, he left OM a message requesting a call back. Since that phone call OM has been avoiding me. He will respond to my personal emails but not like before. He is brief and serious, he's distant and my heart is truly broken. He does not even look at me anymore. Yesterday he was almost right behind me leaving and he didn't follow me down the stairs he went to the elevators. That hurt. I don't know what to think. I miss my friend. We had gotten pretty close. This sucks.
On the home front my H wants to do whatever it takes to get me back into this M. I love my H but I'm not in love with him anymore. Over the years there has been too much hurt he caused me. I'm going through the motions of MC to appease him and it's a long shot, but maybe something will reignite in me. I really am trying to get to the bottom of my feelings and figure out where I will be happy. I feel like a terrible person for where my head and heart are at.
I don't know if OM is trying to distance himself so I make a decision about my M without him being the reason I leave or if he truly wants nothing to do with me. NC is impossible as I work about 15 feet away from him so this really is a tough situation for me. My next IC is Wed so hopefully I can get some help there. Next MC is not for 3 weeks.