To put it simply, you have to keep doing what you're doing & hope that someday your spouse will realize it was just a stupid, one time mistake (if that's the case), & trust you will never do it again. Even then, they will "keep an eye" on things.

You can, but it is a painful process for both parties and sometimes the kids. I'm more than 2 years out from D-day. Things are much better, actually better than they were before I had an affair, but the shame is still something to manage. My H doesn't want to talk about my affair anymore.

It is possible but it takes time and you need to keep on the path of change indefinitely.

The previous "us" is gone, but you can build a new relationship.

Treating an affair as a mistake is erroneous as mistakes can be repeated over and over again. You need to deal with what is underneath to be safe for your husband.

The view that there is deep seeded issues that lead to small bad decisions that lead to bigger more devastating decisions will allow you to learn and growth to the point you won't walk down that same path.

It is the difference between behavior modification and intrinsic change.

I hope your husband has changed too since he was also in an affair previously.

Thank you all.

Yes, you can repair and rebuild.
It takes a hell of a lot of work but it is possible to come out stronger.
This chapter in your life does not define the entire book of your life.

My A started in 2010 & was over in 2013, lasting 2 1/2 yrs. After it was over I googled anything & everything about affairs or rather "The Other Woman", I found a site gloryb.com which no longer exists but where I got the best advice. They dealt a lot of tough love, did not pity or try to sugar coat. Rule #1...No Contact. NC means blocking the AP so tightly they cannot text you, email you, call you, ask friends about you, stalk your facebook or social media page......and the same goes for your ability to contact them......no. Recovery will take as long as it takes. NC makes it much more bearable.

You need to work on yourself, learn to love yourself again.

Maybe my advice doesn't read as well as others (forwardmotion) but I've been through it from start to finish & feel I should be able to give my opinion without getting backlash from armchair psychologists. Mistake? Yes, mine was a mistake that I learned from. So yes, it was a mistake not to be repeated.

I agree with no contact as a key part and start of the changing process along with limiting social media.

We are all armchair psychologists here. At the end of the day each person needs to decide for themselves after debate and consideration.

Regardless this forum should only be a supplement to professional help.

There is no backlash from my end. We are both just giving our opinions and arguments on what we believe to be true.