Cheaters Anonymous Community Group
This is a support group for cheating spouses looking for understanding and strength. Betrayed spouses are welcome to post ONLY if they can do so in a supportive manner (no bashing...these posts will be deleted), and please do not comment on 'Cheaters Only' posts.
Usually I can just go about my business at work and not think about accidental contact. I'm highly mobile in my job and make a lot of "house calls" to computers all throughout our wing of the building. She just stays in her seat. Today, I made 3 conscious avoidance maneuvers.
1 - She was filling a bottle at the drinking fountain outside the bathrooms. Even without my glasses on, I recognized the sweater. Normally, I cut through the narrow passage at the bathrooms to cut 4 steps of my trip. Using my ninja skills and the Maktar stealth haze (Galaxy Quest reference... rent it. It's great) I took the more open and traveled route by the executive offices. Evasion successful.
2 - I went out to run an errand for lunch at a time different from my usual. I have that freedom. Her department has fixed lunch periods for each individual (apparently, only more or less) I was confident she wouldn't be heading to lunch. I was wrong. She was with a group of people heading out the central door and into the elevator. I was about 40 feet behind. One of the beneficial aspects of my sudden and drastic weight loss (25 lbs in 2 months from stress, depression, and basic loss of will to live) is that I now move like lightning. I was fast before, but now, wow! I accelerated, slipped through the side door, and got to the first floor and out the northwest door before the elevator even reached the first floor. I didn't run and I wasn't breathing hard; I just take corners and change speeds really fast. Evasion successful.
3 - I was speaking with a woman who knows about 2/3 of the situation near a bay opening by the copier room in hushed tones. We were on the subject of the affair partner when who should suddenly appear to retrieve a hard copy? Yup. We moved the conversation to her desk before the affair partner left the copy room. Evasion 40% successful.
While it would be very satisfying to let the affair partner know that she has cost me over half a million dollars in alimony (35% of my current gross salary for the next 30 years plus half 401k plus half pension) and that I can't even start to think of retiring until I'm at least 83, not to mention the loss of the love of my life, I am honoring the pact of non-contact.
My solace is that my wife will be safely living in her dream house that we built together in love and could barely afford. I've been poor before, I can do it again.
1 - She was filling a bottle at the drinking fountain outside the bathrooms. Even without my glasses on, I recognized the sweater. Normally, I cut through the narrow passage at the bathrooms to cut 4 steps of my trip. Using my ninja skills and the Maktar stealth haze (Galaxy Quest reference... rent it. It's great) I took the more open and traveled route by the executive offices. Evasion successful.
2 - I went out to run an errand for lunch at a time different from my usual. I have that freedom. Her department has fixed lunch periods for each individual (apparently, only more or less) I was confident she wouldn't be heading to lunch. I was wrong. She was with a group of people heading out the central door and into the elevator. I was about 40 feet behind. One of the beneficial aspects of my sudden and drastic weight loss (25 lbs in 2 months from stress, depression, and basic loss of will to live) is that I now move like lightning. I was fast before, but now, wow! I accelerated, slipped through the side door, and got to the first floor and out the northwest door before the elevator even reached the first floor. I didn't run and I wasn't breathing hard; I just take corners and change speeds really fast. Evasion successful.
3 - I was speaking with a woman who knows about 2/3 of the situation near a bay opening by the copier room in hushed tones. We were on the subject of the affair partner when who should suddenly appear to retrieve a hard copy? Yup. We moved the conversation to her desk before the affair partner left the copy room. Evasion 40% successful.
While it would be very satisfying to let the affair partner know that she has cost me over half a million dollars in alimony (35% of my current gross salary for the next 30 years plus half 401k plus half pension) and that I can't even start to think of retiring until I'm at least 83, not to mention the loss of the love of my life, I am honoring the pact of non-contact.
My solace is that my wife will be safely living in her dream house that we built together in love and could barely afford. I've been poor before, I can do it again.
One day at a time, my friend.
I have. What is the joy you find in my situation? You should be raging in jealousy over the love I still hold for my wife that you will never know.
Also, I've shown light on 3 psychic vampires here in the last week. They are in collusion with a couple of others and coordinate multi-directional attacks, it seems specifically against males, and create a generally hostile environment here. Check their profiles and their hug comments. They congratulate each other on their cruelty. Check other threads to see who casts the first stone. You will recognize them too. Check their friends lists. When you run into a privacy block, observe behavior. This time they played their hands too quickly and got caught in the floodlight. Yeah, my wife says I should be more assertive. There you go.
My conscience is now clean and I've restored my wife's and my own respect for me. It's called atonement. And I've only just begun to make things right for my wife.
Divorce court was the beginning of something wonderful for us. I wish everyone could have the opportunity we have.
My x H is also paranoid about womyn. He has made statements that womyn are not as trustworthy as men. I pointed out the facts about rape, domestic violence, etc., out to him and he had to agree.
Also admit that you are responsible for your own actions, not your X OW. No one forced you to have sex with her. Just like no one is forcing me to to hope Eric contacts His Christine again, and no, those are not our real names. Hoping He contacts Me again, even while I curse Our Love. And no, those are not our real names, we just both both happen to really like The Phantom. And yes, I do scream out his name to the night, hoping, praying, that he'll come back to me. I know he is poison to me, but I crave my poison.
Focus on you and your now X wife and trying to earn her back and stop being so vindictive towards the OW. Think of how to earn her back, not on how horrible the X OW is. I am an X OW. Do I seem horrible or coniving to you?
The trouble I'm having is finding out that someone I thought was a good friend was really anything but.
And I am focused on starting fresh with my wife. Our second date was yesterday. You have no idea how grateful to you, specifically, that I am. I think you're just the awesomest tippity top yeah go gal. Please don't take it personally when I vent over some of the rotten things i discover about my xAP.
I guess all of that vitriol was aimed at me, though I'm not sure why. To say that I should be jealous of the love you have for your wife when you betrayed her is not only delusional but completely off base. I hope I never experience that kind of "love." Instead, I have given my heart to a man who would never hurt me. Who is completely faithful and honest about everything. I am engaged to a man who makes nearly half a million every year and treats me like the most important thing in the world. There is absolutely nothing in your life that I'm jealous of.
I appreciate what you intended to say, just know that good intentions wrapped in a fist still hit like a fist.