Happy Valentine's Day all....I have been thinking quite a bit lately on my choices for AP's. Though we do not think we go about choosing them (well some of us do not), I have been looking at each partner (yes Ive had more than one...or two, or three).  I noticed a very startling similarity among all of them...except for one. They all kept me at a distance, ran hot and cold and never went out of their way for me. None expressed any feelings really except sexually wanting me. Oh I am sure they "liked me" although I told the last one I didnt even know if he liked me and he responded with "what, do you think I hate you?" Nice avoiding the question with a question.  

So why did I chose these particular guys? I've read around enough to see that many women have Ap's who call them or at least are in contact every day, they feel loved, they feel special. they feel like they MATTER. Here's the weird thing with mine..all but one ever made me feel like I mattered or I was special or they really cared all that much. The more they pulled back the more I chased. I hated the feeling of being ignored, of not mattering. The newest one who I've barely gotten to know and will not be pursuing (due to many reasons, one being I am done with A's for good) from what I have seen is exactly the same. How is it that barely knowing these men they all seem to have these same traits? Just weird isn't it?

I have issues regarding this. Anyone who ignores me or makes me feel like I do not matter, less than, etc., flips some sort of switch inside. It hits a nerve like you cannot believe. I think all along this has been my problem and why I have sought out other men. I set out to prove I matter because I obviously clearly did not feel this way as a child. I know I matter to my husband. I do not doubt that for one single minute. So, why do I need to prove this with other men? Why have I flirted, chased and become involved with other men to prove something only to have it fail over and over again? The last guy basically treated me like a booty call and I allowed it. I continued because I was determined to make that change. I was going to win him over an dprove he would love me and care about me. Never happened.

I do not blame him because I accepted the behavior. He enve rpromise dme anything nor did he ever lead me on to believe anything different. I refused to see it or accept it.  So, how is it that some find men who adore them, shower them with love and feelings and I picked the non feeling asswipes? Just curious...