He told you not to think?!? OMG i almost fell off my chair! My exOM ALWAYS said that to me. Said im such a goody two shoes and i think too much. I shoud just relax and enjoy our time together and what we have.

PLEASE. I ask you, from my own experience, REthink what you're doing. He said nothing that hurt you today. But wait, bc its coming. In fact, what he said should hurt you somewhat. Telling someone not to think?! You're your own person. You have valid feelings and should not allow him to control you or your thoughts. The longer you allow him to do this the more you will lose sight of who you are and what you want.

Its Never to late to tell them to Fck off. Go. With. Your. Gut. Dont let him control the strings and control you. Stand up for yourself and consider doing whats best for YOU. Because its obvious HE is not considering whats best for you. Hes looking out for himself.

Hugs to you

Please get away from this jerk.

notmyself...he told me that he didn't want me to think he was only talking to me for sex. he has never told me not to think...but he has said, at times....'Shhhh, let's just have this moment' when I question something...

I guess it wasn't too clear...He wanted me to know that we are friends and that he is NOT only talking to me for sex. That is what that meant,

Mine always tells me I think too much. Well someone has to lol!

I just hear so many similarities in the stories. Its so frustrating.

I know. In my gut, I do know that he will hurt me again, even though he didn't today. He has already hurt me so many times. I just love him and want him so much.

Did you reach a tipping point where finally enough was enough, or how did it end for you? I don't want mine to end like fibre's...being choked and thrown out of a vehicle...

Thank you for the hug, too.

Hi Cindy, today was the first time in three months that i heard my ex''s voice.. he called me about a phone, but his voice sounded so good that i couldnt wipe the smile off my face for hours. :)
my ex was constantly telling me to calm down, and just enjoy the time we have. when he knows im hurt about something he will crack a joke to keep me laughing.. the worse feeling in the world to him is when were not getting along, so i understand just what your om is saying.. he wants it fun, who doesnt???
BIG HUGS Cindy

Rosewater, omg you cracked me up with your comment!! see, maybe its me who likes to laugh.. im pretty happy, and a very positive person, so maybe my ex really does know what hes doing when he tries to get me to laugh and smile all the time..

hugs, heard

Thanks for the hug, :). Yes, he made a point of saying that he was trying to behave and not talk about sex so that I wouldn't think that was all he needed me for, but I do think that is most of what he needs me for, lol.

And, yes, he likes to shhhh me whenever I bring up anything that is uncomfortable to him.

Tackling those things that aren't fun or easy breaks the spell. If the intent was to deal with reality, people would stay home and work on their marriages. Escape is a huge part of the draw of an affair. You are dealing with a single guy who wants the benefits without the reciprocity of a real relationship. He knows how to set up and maintain the fantasy in such a way that his needs get met, whlie you fall more and more 'in love' with him.

You say you love him. Does he say that he loves you? How do you tell the difference between excitement/love and steady/healthy love? Which one feels like a drug and which one feels safe? Engaging in logical trust, (trusting a person to behave according to their basic nature as a person) where do you invest your emotional energy?

If you're bored by your husband and the grass looks greener on the other side, remember, the grass is always greener where you water it.

This last time i ended it because he lied to me. Again. He said he was leaving work for the day so we can spend the afternoon together. I took the day off, drove 40 minutes to near his job, and afterwards he checked his phone and said his boss emailed him theres a meeting. He left and made another mistake by txting me that hes so late. I called him out on it. Why would his boss txt him an hour after he left for the day "because of a family emergency" and expect him to come back to work for a meeting?? Didnt add up to me. I told him i was tired of his lies. He swore he didnt lie and said he also got written up for being gone so long. Again, i ask, IF he said he was leaving for the day, how cld he get written up?? It became obvious to me that he just took his lunch hr to see me, was gone 2 hrs and was written up. I told him if he cld lie about something so trivial im left to wonder what else he lies about. I had had enough. It wasnt the first time he lied like that. What threw me for a loop was that just 2 days earlier i tried to break it off because he told me his W asked for a divorce. I told him we have to stop seeing each other during this time to concentrate on our M. Things may be salvageable. He bad mouthed his W and claimed he no longer loves her and wants to M me and listed a bunch of reasons why im the one for him. We talked about a future again, moving, having time apart after divorce to be sure the kids are ok and help them work through it. He talked how we would take baby steps and not rush into anything so we have time to ourselves to deal with our divorces. The whole nine yards. Then, he goes and lies about taking the afternoon off. Just didnt understand that. I felt i couldn't trust him.
He was never violent with me. I just felt he mind fcked me alot. So i called it quits. Again. But this time im gonna make it stick. It isn't easy because our A was not exposed so people might say, whats gonna stop me from going back. And to be honest i really did fall in love with him. Or the person i thought he was. I detached from my M and my heart was with OM. I felt we were meant to be bc i had never cheated before and i figured my M must not be right for me anymore.
My answer to that is, I've realized just how wrong it was. I broke my vows, disregarded my morals, walked right past my boundaries and nearly ruined my children's lives.
Dont get me wrong, we have issues in our M but i am trying to refocus my energy back here to tackle those problems head on instead of running from them. Ive been M for 17 yrs and we're together for 22. I realize I've changed and my H hasn't We've lost our footing and we're no longer on the same page. I honestly dont know if we can work thru our issues because they are difficult. But im trying.

Fiber is asking great questions. And Notmyself1 is going great guns! Come on, Cindy, you know we care!

The grass is always greener where you water it....I can't believe I have never heard that expression before. I will have more to say later today when I have the time. Thanks, as always, for all of your support.

Of course he tells you to shhhh. If you question, think out loud, and call the A for what it is, he won't get what he's come for. You know what's happening and you are sitting there with the devil and the angle on your shoulders. When he shuts you up to have his moment, imagine that he gagging the angel and taping her mouth shut so the devil wins.

If I'm driving down the road on my way to a weight watchers meeting and I pass the cheesecake store, I think mmmmmm, that would be so delicious. I would enjoy every last bite, infact I may even change my route so I can pass this store every day, maybe I'll stop going to weight watchers. Now that doesn't mean the cheese cake wasn't good but it was not good for me. I should have never stopped there and once I knew it was there I should have changed my route to pass the right stores, maybe even the gym.

So there are my 2 silly analogies. I think you ate playing with fire and thinking well I'll get burned but somehow this time the burn won't hurt as much because I'm expecting it. (oops one more analogy). You know the outcome of all of this.

For your H sake I really hope you wake up and realize that this whole thing will only cause pain to you, him and your marriage.

Like fiber said the grass we care for will always be greener.

Fibrejunkie: he has only ever said he loves me on one occasion. He said he both loved me and needed me. I do not really believe him, as actions do speak louder than words. If he loved me, waiting 30 minutes for me to arrive would not matter. He would wait as long as it took.

Then, again, I am beginning to believe that he prefers masturbation and cybersex to actually being with someone in the flesh. It may be that he wants to avoid a real connection.