Cheaters Anonymous Community Group
This is a support group for cheating spouses looking for understanding and strength. Betrayed spouses are welcome to post ONLY if they can do so in a supportive manner (no bashing...these posts will be deleted), and please do not comment on 'Cheaters Only' posts.
i had a 3 month long emotional affair with a coworker that included some kissing but not anything else physically. However, my feelings for him were very strong...I thought even love. My husband found out and after the initial anger and shock wore off, my husband and I have both decided to work on our marriage and most of the time, it’s pretty great. For the first two months after my husband found out, I didn’t go out of my way to avoid my coworker. But I could see this was causing my husband pain and it was hard on me. Now, I work to actively avoid my coworker everyday which is not an easy task. I feel like the affair was an addiction and I found the longer I avoided my ex-affair partner, the better I felt. So like a recovering addict, I started keeping track of “days sober” aka, days without seeing him. I was at 19 when an accidental bump in occurred which messed with my mind for two days. Now I am back to “1 day sober.” It’s hard but I know it’s the right decision for so many reasons. I needed a place for support in my recovery and found this site. Thanks for “listening.”
Hang in there! It sounds like you’ve got the mindset.
I was 2 YEARS “sober” (we call it NC or No Contact here) until he reached out to me one day out of the blue. Now after 2 years of on and off again talking, I’m fighting for sobriety.
Many of us get it an have been there. Hugs to you!
I am sure that was difficult for him. He didn't want to give her up. She wanted him at all costs so she'd do anything she could to make herself available.
As you might imagine this was a living hell for me.
There was a crazy Catch Me If You Can game that went on for months and months. It finally came to a head. I told my H he had to make a choice.
It was me and there are all kinds of conditions attached.
You made your choice. You can go straight to happy life with your husband, or you can do what my H did and that was torture and torment me, the OW and himself.
I still hurt. I hate the OW and do take solace in knowing she hurts, too, plus she got dumped. If my H had just ended the A and the whole relationship, I'd feel better, the damage between my H and me would not be as great as it was.
You can go forward or not. You decide. I suggest you focus on your H and make him feel loved and secure in loving you back.
Alcoholics actively avoid not just alcohol but going to places where there is alcohol....getting rid of alcoholic friends....finding some other way to deal with their underlying problems and work on them.
Can you imagine the likely success of an alcoholic who states the only problem is the alcohol itself and goes to a bar night but avoids buying alcohol while there?
I think you know that working with him is untenable.