There's a new caregiver here at home (for those who don't know, I've lived in a group home since May 2010, after I'd abandoned my car at a busy intersection and was picked up by the police...I suffer from bipolar, and my family had to drive to the town I'd left the car in and get it out of the impound lot while I was hospitalized in a psychiatric ward of the local hospital). I'll call the new care nurse Casey. For some reason I can't explain, I feel intimidated by her, though she's young enough to be my daughter. It turns out that Casey is a good friend of a former caregiver whom I'll call Janetta.
For some reason I never knew, Janetta disliked me. I tried hard to befriend her, bought her flowers etc etc. It was just one of those things. I lived in fear when she worked here because she was always insulting me and treating me like a prisoner. To make a long story short, she quit and moved to Florida with her boyfriend (there had been a lot of complaints about her but the owner of the home was good friends with her and said she was one of the best workers she ever had).
This is a very strange situation: this house is my home, yet it's also a business, with an office and rules and a fax machine etc. I pretty much keep to myself, but I manage to get along with the other 15 residents, and the owner, Carla, is very fond of me (she told me once that she wished the other residents were clones of me). Everyone knows I'm a Christian. But I have a fear of Casey, so bad that I cried the other day when she was here. All the pain from my relationship with Janetta has come back. I know she's forgotten about me and in all likelihood never mentioned me to Casey. But my fear is such that it never goes away no matter how desperately I pray.
This seems trivial and yet it's important to me. For good or ill, this is my home and my life. Casey hasn't even done anything to cause me to fear her. But I would like for you all to pray about this situation. (Many times I've thought of leaving here and getting my own place, but the answer seems to be "no".)