Today marks the 1 year anniversary of the day I was diagnosed with stage 3 cervical cancer.  I know that it may seem a little late to be joining a support group but up until now I thought that I could handle it all on my own.  It seemed like as soon as I was diagnosed, that they had all of my scans (CT, PET, etc) scheduled asap and then treatment started 2 weeks later.  I didn’t have much time to freak out, I just went into “get ‘er done” mode and so I did.  The staff at the Kelowna Cancer Centre and all of my friends and family made the treatment process (weekly chemo, daily radiation and then weekly internal radiation) as bearable as possible.  I feel so blessed to be where I am today, cancer free, back at work and enjoying my regular daily activities…but life will never be exactly as it was before.  I still find that every day I mourn the loss of my ability to ever get pregnant and have children of my own.  I also think about dying ALL of the time.  Part of me feels guilty because I know that I am doing a lot better than most of the patients that I met during treatment and that I should be grateful.  I am grateful, very.  I am just also still consumed by the fear of getting cancer again.  It’s a daily process and I’m glad that I finally made the choice to find a support group online.

All the best to you who are just starting your treatment.  I found that everyday felt like an eternity but that somehow it all goes by in a blur and you’ll be back to a new version of your old life in no time.  You’ll prove to be stronger than you ever knew you could be.