It is active, not like some of the larger boards.

Most people caring for their elderly parents only find this group by chance. This includes me.

You are not alone!

We certainly comment if we see a post but it's not really active ... I cared for my folks and I know how very hard it is.... Big hug... xo

Well, sometimes it seems like many people respond and other times it seems slow. It takes people both posting and then responding to others to make an active board so you'll find some boards are busier than others. Feel free to post something on here. I also took care of my parents and in-laws.

Thanks all. My mom is clearly suffering from dementia. Just wondering how you all show the love of Jesus on the most frustrating days. I try my hardest, but she’s recently begun being fixated on certain things ( usually the wrong things). It seems like stubbornness to me, though I know it isn’t. Any thoughts? God bless you all.

I am sorry to not respond so quickly but this forum does not pop up in my feed. I finally just clicked on it and saw your post. If your mom has dementia, her behaviors are not her doing it on purpose. She is not being stubborn, it is a brain disease. Consider this a brain health disorder instead of her having personality issues with you. Please go to the Alzheimer's Association website and read up on dementia. Have your mom diagnosed properly because it could be other things than dementia.

A book I found invaluable with my in-laws and their dementia is called "Loving Hard-to-Love Parents" by Chafetz. It talks about understanding the brain health disorder and then redirecting not getting into control and conflict. Redirect or go with their discussion flow instead of fighting them into "reality talk". If mom is fixated on something like waiting on the plumber and where is he, when the plumber isn't really coming, then just chat about it. Go with her "fantasy" instead of fighting her and getting her anxious and upset and angry. Don't get yourself angry. I would handle this with my in-laws like "we are waiting for that plumber and he's always late. Let's play cards while we wait." My MIL would be doing her work life instead of recognizing she was in her chair. I'd just go with it, "who did you say your client is today, mom?" stuff like that. The book recommends doing redirections, so back to the plumber. Say something like "oh, they just called and they are coming tomorrow so we'll deal with it tomorrow, mom." If she frets about that, then talk about her feelings, "you feel angry the plumber isn't coming" (this might backfire on you or it might help depending her her dementia). It is real to them even if its not real to you. And we can't argue them back into reality.

The book recommends saying the redirection with confidence and good cheer and then moving along. Don't stay stuck in arguing with them. Understand that reluctance to bathe and brush teeth and eat are common and part of the brain health disorder. Sometimes they become frightened by not knowing how to do things and if you insist she does these, she becomes anxious and angry. It seems normal to us to use the toilet and take a shower but to them its frightening (or they think they already did it) and their brain no longer processes that information as we do nor remembers the actions necessary. This is the disease.

Also get yourself some respite. Have others care for mom at times, even paid caregivers who are trained in dementia. There may be a day care thing for people with dementia in your area. Get family members to understand what they are dealing with also, if you can. Some of our family members would get so angry at the fantasy talk and the fixations and make it worse, get MIL to be out of control angry and raging. They tried to force her to be in reality but her brain health disorder didn't allow that.

Sigh, this is not an easy thing and you are a loving daughter to care for her.