Caring For Aging Parents Support Group

Caring for aging parents can be a difficul time as we become the caretakers for our parents. This broad responsibility can encompass such services as assisted living, adult day care, long term care, nursing homes, hospice care, and in-home care. Whether you have just started caring for your parents or just need a place to talk, we're here.

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When to call for Professional help???

Willow215
Willow215
I'm the sole caregiver for my mother and s-father. It's not a good situation. I'm a nurse, but am on disability myself for severe chronic pain conditions. I moved in with them a few years ago when I lost everything b/c I could no longer work and lost everything including my home. They were in good health then. Now they're both in VERY poor health and do nothing. I've tried to keep up with their house, but my pain is so bad. I'm also VERY depressed and now having panic attacks. I can't have any friends come into the house or date. My mom doesn't like people (lol...) and my s-dad is very verbally sexually inappropriate to anyone (esp. female) who comes into the house. It's a mess. My s-dad has stopped doing anything around the house and lays on the sofa ALL day every day until he goes to bed. My mom sits at the kitchen table ALL day every day, smoking and drinking Diet Coke. She no longer seems to have any emotion and doesn't talk to me or anyone else anymore. I'm an only child but do have two step-sisters, neither of who will help at all. I'm totally alone! My health is failing me terribly. I'm having stomach pains, feel so weak, exhausted, anxious, etc... I'm not functioning anymore. I've become mostly agoraphobic! I feel I have NO life of my own and never will again. I want to move out so badly but have no income to speak of to do so. Disability doesn't pay much. I'm not eligable for ANY Assistance. I've tried 4+ times and have been denied. I'm $200 over the poverty level income limit. I have no will to live like this anymore. I'm going to call the Office of Aging very soon. If my mom and s-dad cannot stay in their house and need to sell, I'll be homeless. I have no other family. Still, they need help badly. I did have Meals on Wheels for them but my mom cancelled them. Now she agree's that she needs them again, so I'll call to arrange that again. I get SO anxious when I have to go out of my room that I rent from them.... It's not tha I don't love them, but I honestly feel I can't take much more. I also have a dog and a cat that are my lifelines, that I know I'll be heartbroken if I lose them. I'm at a loss. Any support, suggestions, etc... would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks,
Willow
loveyorks
loveyorks
So sorry you're going through this. I don't really have any real advise to offer since I live in Canada and our system is very different to yours. However one thing that is very obvious is that you are probably suffering from depression (very normal) and you should go and get something prescribed by your doctor. It would help you deal with this a lot better. Sorry I can't offer any concrete advise but I do feel your pain. Hopefully others will reply and offer up some suggestions. Hang in there. Hugs
Willow215
Willow215
Thank you for replying!!! It means a lot to know that others care. I am on an anti-depressant and anti-anxiety meds, along with pain meds for the chronic pain and musculo-skeletal conditions. I can't afford any other medical help for myself. I do have Medicare, but a lot of drs. her in America have stopped taking patients who have Medicare only, without a secondary health insurance. America's healthcare system is VERY bad!!! I really appreciate your concern!!!

((((Hugs))))!!!
Kathy
deleted_user
deleted_user
Wow you are holding up a lot on your shoulders. You sound very isolated, even with them, which would lead to depression and anxiety. I am in a similar situation-not as severe-but I am an only child responsible for my ailing father. (my mother passed on a long time ago). I do have a supportive husband, but he is out of town from time to time. I am also a nurse but not working right now-was laid off. I can't really imagine working right now I am so busy with my dad. I feel isolated, all of my friends work full time and it is hard to socialize. I have time but nobody else does! Maybe there is a type of respite care you can look into? Maybe like what people do with little kids-they trade elder care so a caregiver can go out? I know you don't want to go out but how about just small do-able outings to at least get out and see people? I bet it would help, consider trying it. I am trying to figure out how to get out and feel like part of the living world again-I am beginning to feel anxious and depressed too. Take care, Gina
deleted_user
deleted_user
It sounds like a very desperate situation, and certainly more advanced than what I deal with at home. You do have choices that involve a lot of adjustment in order to get yourself back to where you need to be - even if your parents can't get themselves back to where they need to be. You need a social worker for yourself, and one for them (or maybe Adult Protective Services for them if it's getting to that point.)

But my strongest feeling is you will have to flee the environs of this situation first in order to get any ongoing perspective on how to care for YOURSELF long term. First step is getting a counselor and a support group in real time, esp. if all the illnesses combined are completely snuffing out any kind of social life you used to have.
gardensparrow
gardensparrow
My heart went out to you as I read your post-it certainly seems like you're dealing with a lot right now and could use some help! But, it's tough when it's our parents we have to make decision about. However, there often does come a time when you can't do it on your own. And, probably the best one to help you determine if this is the case is your doctor or your parents' doctor. Have you had a chance to discuss this issue with them? They might have some suggestions to offer you... Also, I found a few articles at http://bit.ly/IDLfJC, http://bit.ly/ImnFP9, and http://bit.ly/Jx11dn that might help you decide what to do here. They cover some of the organizations you can get in touch with to help care for your parents-particularly when money is an issue. Lastly, if you're able, you might want to look into some counseling for yourself. It seems like you're feeling pretty overwhelmed (understandably) and it might help to talk this through with a professional. The links I mentioned above also have info about free counseling (http://bit.ly/mzCFv) if you're interested. Well, hang in there and don't go through this alone!