My MIL REFUSES to use a wheel chair. She will, however, use a motorized mini-scooter made for the olde person. But it has small wheels and is only really usable on hard surfaces like streets, sidewalks and floors at home.

I have tried to understand her reasoning, and have gotten there with hints from her about other things.

She is afraid that if she starts using a wheel chair that she will lose the walking ability she currently has.

We suggested that it would only be for those times when she could not walk for what ever reason. But she holds firm.


What to do? How about taking her to the river anyway. let her get as far as she can using what ever aids she uses now (walker, cane, ???) Take a chair with you and then have her sit there while you and your DH go look at the river. Or take turns going to the river while one of you stays with mom.

Then, on the way home, talk about how the river looked. Don't be afraid to "hurt her feelings" as it would be natural consequences for her decision to not use the wheel chair.

Keep doing things like this, and at some point she will have to either give up going, or admit that she will use the wheel chair for the 'hard parts'.

Most people equate a wheelchair with being old and death. Not necessarily true and as you pointed out there are so many more things you can do if you accept it.

How about getting what they call a transfer chair? It's a smaller wheel chair that folds up and fits better in a car. You can find them in CVS. Something like this

http://www.cvs.com/shop/product-detail/Drive-Medical-Aluminum-Transport-Chair-Blue?skuId=812615

This will work fine as long as mom isn't huge. You could keep it in the car "just in case" then when you are somewhere mom wants to go but can't walk she might agree.

It's also a good idea for anyone with an elderly person to have a chair like this on hand. You never know when you will need it and if it is there they are more likely to agree. There will be days when they don't feel well or have a sudden weakness and the chair will be a life saver.

Pepper's MIL has a good point. You don't want them using a wheel chair before they need to. Muscle tone disappears every quickly and it's a slippery slope. The key is to use a wheel chair when it will make them safer so they won't get injured. For instance going down to the river would be dangerous because mom could fall. So using a wheel chair to get her there and back to the car is good. But don't use it to get in and out of the house or around the house. That is why leaving it in the car works well.

Good thoughts, guys. Thanks!

Are you sure it was she who wanted to go to the river? Or was it you wanting to take her there? If it was her, did she make the connection that if she had a chair, then she could have done it?

Could it be the money? They are expensive.

Next time, don't make it about that she can't do it; make it about you being nervous and you couldn't forgive yourself if she slipped and fell. You may even want to bring a walking stick for you to show that it's more about the terrain, and NOT her?

What is the cause of your mother's pain? That depends a lot on the type of things she can do. Also, it could depend on if she's a good candidate for physical or occupational therapy. (I have a client who is 96 and works with a personal trainer to keep her muscles toned.) Also, many older people refuse to acknowledge their limitations and don't want to be seen as invalids so refuse to use walkers or wheelchairs. (If a doctor prescribes a wheelchair, Medicare will pay for most of it and the secondary insurance -- if there is one -- will pick up the rest of the cost.) Be cognizant that your mother may also just want to take it easy. All too often, the adult children of aging parents try to push their parents into situations that may no longer be suitable for them. Bottom line: seek the advice of a doctor, mental health professional or geriatric social worker to review your mom's condition and for suggestions.

Good advice, Wendy.

That's what I was getting with the are you sure she wanted to?

My grand both have walkers. I don't know if they'd want to be wheeled around at this point. It may not be worth it to her right now.

I think a lot of old people think wheelchairs are for the drooling stage. But if you explain that it's so you can share more moments together, she may agree?

My 94 y.o. mom did the same thing!We were able to get her a lightweight transporter w/c,that way she could walk behind it,and push it,then when she got tired ,she sat down in it ,then we would push it.I guided her to use by gently suggesting "its for your safety,mom its only temporary"Now she really appreciates it.Good luck.

@DeliAmmen - yes, it was definitely her idea to go to the river. We've been in such a drought here that she really wanted to see how low it was. But I think she thought she could see more of it from the car or from one of the parking spaces than we could. I think her walker was in the car (trunk) but she just really resists using it. I think she thinks it makes her "look old" (she's 94, gees!!) but actually the way she hobbles along (I think) makes her age more apparent.
@PepperMan - I do understand her desire not to lose what mobility she now has - but using a wheelchair or even her walker for just the occasional time seems like it wouldn't have that effect. E.g., in the grocery store, she REFUSES to use the riding cart... NO, NO!! She instead leans on a regular cart - or now that we are here, she just lets us do the grocery shopping.
As she always has been, she is still WAY too concerned with what other people will think. Drives me nuts. Even people who don't know her - never will know her... tremendous pride. As I sometimes say to her: Pride cometh before the fall.
I really DO worry about her falling... but I also think of what some have said here - it's HER life and I must let her live it as she wants to. Hard to do but I know I would want the same...even if I'm wrong.