So many things to say, ...

First of all, welcome back!

Secondly, yes it can be very hard.

For many of us our parents have always been the "same person" all our lives until that moment when we realize that they are no longer that person. It can be very hard for us, because in a way we have to admit that we have lost that person who taught us about life and love.

Now we see them regressing; things they used to do all the time become hard, then difficult, and finally impossible.

Gentle hugs

Unfortunately, not many of us are prepared for taking care of our aging parents or ourselves as we advance toward our senior years. Our culture celebrates youth and ignores the elderly, with an occasional commercial for a face-lift remedy or walk-in bathtub being the most exposure people have to the problems facing seniors and adult children of seniors. There are resources out there but you won't find them advertised in the mainstream media. First, check with your local county social services for referrals to agencies that can help you and for support groups you can attend in your area. Good luck!

Sometimes what we theorize or imagine in our minds in relation to caring for our parents isn't what actually happens when the time comes. It's not easy and every day can bring new challenges.

I thought things would be so easy when my mother moved in with me but it wasn't very long after the move in; we discovered that spending a lot of time together was quite different than actually living together.

I have days that she and I have so much fun together; my DH thinks the same way and then there are days that we wish we'd never opened our moves to invite her.

My DH sounds likes yours; he's always supportive of me and for the most part gets along great with my mother. She's tried his patience a number of times though!

Thanks, everyone, for your supportive and understanding comments. ThePepperMan, you hit the nail on the head: she is NOT the same person that I knew all my life as my beloved mom.
Now we face another problem with her cats. The indoor cats hate our dog - who is a sweetie and very gentle - even slapped and CHASED him the other day. Totally intimidated him. Now the outdoor (read: feral) cats are peeing in the bathtub and on the living room rug, even though my dear husband (is that a DH?) cleans the litter boxes every single morning. So now we're telling her that probably the male feral needs to stay outside. Her response: "This isn't fair what is happening to me." ... no, it's not. Poor Mother

Moving to a new area is hard itself. I moved from New England to Tenn for retirement. It was a culture shock but with time I have come to love the move. It is also hard to do for parents. Giving you independence is real but she is doing the same. Be prepared and looked to whom ever can support you. You are not alone.

Penny why is a feral car indoors? This sounds like mom is very confused. The other cats and your dog will become friends eventually. Always hard to introduce new animals.

Your mom will also settle down. It is hard to accept the changes. No one wants to get old and lose their self. The sad part is that before long she won't even realize that things are changing. For now try to do things that mom loves. Make memories and good times.

@Tigg2 - The "feral" cats are semi-wild and are friendly with my mom, who feeds them. But most of the time they are outdoors. One of them has a horrid "whine" and that is when Mother lets him in. The other is his mother, who I managed to capture and have neutered last year or so. The male I haven't caught yet. Too much to do trying to get settled in to worry with him at this point. I think neutering would help.
It's just so stressful trying to get this small space upstairs (2 small bedrooms, 1/2 bath and a "ladies' sitting room"... this is an OLD house) cleaned out enough of Mother's "stuff" to live in. She has kept EVERYTHING!!! Even today just showed me a broken plastic bead necklace that she doesn't know where it came from, can't wear it, it can't be fixed and yet she doesn't want to throw it away! It just makes me crazy. And now because of her (almost) hoarding, my husband and I are having to go through boxes and boxes and chests of drawers and ..... sorting through, taking pictures of and packing away all this junk, much of which has been water-damaged over the years from her swamp cooler up here. (We are replacing that with a/c,.) Something she embroidered years ago has age spots, water damage, and I was ready to give it to the nursing home for their craft stuff, but she pulled it out saying "oh, I made that!" Yes, but it's damaged, I said. "I don't care. I want to keep it." This is one of the worst parts of our time here... only about 2 1/2 wks so far. It's all very exhausting. Thanks for listening....

I think it's okay to continue to feed the cats but you need to protect your animals and they are your family too. Stay strong there. As for all the stuff how about telling you mom that for all of you to fit into this some of the things not being used need to go to storage. That could be a real storage unit or disposal of things that need it. I think she like you is feeling a terrible loss of independence and hanging on to stuff is her way of fighting it. Hope you can find a way so you both hurt less.

Stuff....that's a hard one. Some people take comfort from items in their past. But more often than not being surrounded by stuff just causes upset and confusion. Out of sight out of mind is very true. So is Less is More.

When I last visited my mom she was constantly obsessing about some quilts she had made. She was crazed because she didn't want my sister to have them since she found one she made being used as a cat bed at her house. So to stop the constant whining I suggested that she give the quilts to the grandchildren. She loved the idea. It still took almost a full day to take them out, decide who was getting what, get boxes to ship them, pack them up and take them to UPS. But once they were gone mom calmed immediately. I also used the opportunity to clear out her sheets and pillow cases. She had sets that were several decades old. Now she has an extra set for her bed and that is it.

If mom isn't ready to part with things you might try moving them to a small storage unit. Just mark everything very well and if she doesn't say anything after a few months you can throw it out.

We fought with my parents over a period of three years to get their house unhoarded but I knew someday it would have to be done and was not about to let them think they could move all that junk into my house!

It was not like the TV shows with garbage all over the place but it was close, mostly the living room overcrowded with every little piece of furniture my parents moved from a much larger house piled high with magazines and books that were never going to be read.

The last summer we were down there we just hauled it all off, ignoring the screams of protest.

After all the clutter was removed it changed the whole feel of the place. Even my parents finally had to admit it was a lot easier to get around in that room without tripping and falling over something!

Now getting them to cooperate in taking over the finances involved a lot more kicking and screaming but had we not done it this family would have been in dire straits.

My dad was declining into dementia and was paying the bills twice and not being able to keep track of the bank balance.

They were about to sign a contract for an assisted living facility they did not understand and could not afford.

That's why I urge adult children not to let this sort of thing get out of hand because it could come back to bite you in the butt REALLY hard if you dont

Yes, watching her finances does seem to be on my agenda. When I was here in Jan. I discovered that her group health insurance had jumped from $151 to $561 as of Jan. 1st. I know she got a notice and just set it aside.
So I quickly jumped in and got her an individual plan for less than half as much and a good Rx plan. She's good about giving me the mail --- I think she's happy not to need to read it or deal with it. But it's a terrible responsibility I feel. Same with the improvements on the house that we MUST do in order to live here. So many decisions, her money, our comfort ... wurra, wurra.
Happily, the "evil" cat seem to be coming to an armistice, a cease-fire, if you will, with the dog.

Thank you for the update. It is good to hear when hard times get better!