Caring For Aging Parents Support Group
Caring for aging parents can be a difficul time as we become the caretakers for our parents. This broad responsibility can encompass such services as assisted living, adult day care, long term care, nursing homes, hospice care, and in-home care. Whether you have just started caring for your parents or just need a place to talk, we're here.
I saw an ad for 74 cent per pound turkey this week. Good price for this and so began planning in my mind.
My sister came by and announced her plan to eat out inviting anyone who wants to go,
Who knows what my Mom says out of ear shot about Holidays. She has always told me my sister spoils them. Never knew how since I was always the clean up crew with Dad helping after he retired (That was cool!)
On one hand it would be nice to just go out and etc.. My Mom is confrontational and I realize my sister may spoil her own party by inviting her.
My sister does not need the upset now that she is getting to the settling of her divorce, finding out if she loses her home, and getting her mania to settle after 4 months of finding new doctors and suitable meds. Shew...
Now I get back to what I want. Just for a day I was able to delight in the food sales and think about going out for a few Black Friday specials this year. It is something I never ever did until Dad passed (Thanksgiving Day 2009). My closest person in the world took me out just to get me away from the newness of Dad being gone...also knowing that my whole life would change as my Mom needed me to move in and care for her. Realize my Mom complains about everything. Is controlling and it is so difficult to have the ruckus of preparing a sandwich least a Turkey, LOL
So while I miss Dad it is my freedom to have a turkey, be with my family of choice, and avoid turmoil that I consider. How can I have my turkey and eat it too??
Oh remember me..always a sense of humor through my doldrums.
Any thoughts??
P
My sister came by and announced her plan to eat out inviting anyone who wants to go,
Who knows what my Mom says out of ear shot about Holidays. She has always told me my sister spoils them. Never knew how since I was always the clean up crew with Dad helping after he retired (That was cool!)
On one hand it would be nice to just go out and etc.. My Mom is confrontational and I realize my sister may spoil her own party by inviting her.
My sister does not need the upset now that she is getting to the settling of her divorce, finding out if she loses her home, and getting her mania to settle after 4 months of finding new doctors and suitable meds. Shew...
Now I get back to what I want. Just for a day I was able to delight in the food sales and think about going out for a few Black Friday specials this year. It is something I never ever did until Dad passed (Thanksgiving Day 2009). My closest person in the world took me out just to get me away from the newness of Dad being gone...also knowing that my whole life would change as my Mom needed me to move in and care for her. Realize my Mom complains about everything. Is controlling and it is so difficult to have the ruckus of preparing a sandwich least a Turkey, LOL
So while I miss Dad it is my freedom to have a turkey, be with my family of choice, and avoid turmoil that I consider. How can I have my turkey and eat it too??
Oh remember me..always a sense of humor through my doldrums.
Any thoughts??
P
Do you want to go out with your sister for turkey day? If so, then go! Your mom should be OK by herself (at least from the tone of what you wrote it sounds like she should be OK for the time you would be gone.)
Don't let your mom guilt you into doing things here way. My brother in law buckled under his mom's wishes until he finally announced to her that this was his house (she did not live with him) and that he and his wife were going to invite people over for Christmas based on their friendships and not do the family limited thing she wanted to do.
Do let us know how it turns out!
The Thanksgiving after my FIL passed my husbands whole family went out for a family style dinner. Unfortunately it was a late afternoon and the turkeys weren't completely cooked. We also had a few little kids who were not happy sitting for this long meal.
Soo I don't know what to tell you other than try to do what will make you happy. Maybe go out with your sister and if mom wants to come she can. Then if you want to make a nice dinner do it on Saturday and invite some friends to come by for a buffet. That has always been my dream but everyone seems to be tied up with their families.
Please let us know what you decide and why.
Give everybody jobs, don't let anybody get by without helping. If nobody wants to do dishes, then paper plates sounds good! Likewise for paper cups, or those plastic things.
Too many leftovers? Scale back on the food.
Nobody wants to cook? Cater it and get everybody to chip in money to cover the expenses.
We have some grocery astores that have turkey and all the trimmings in the deli section. Just take it hom and warm it up!
Cutting down on the work may be an idea too. I am all for NOT washing so many dishes. By hand mind you as my parental units would never allow a dishwasher(machine that is, human variety approved hehehe).
It is never known if my Mom feels OK to go out. So that will be open ended. A given. But I really dont need a day of hearing her nasty remarks about my efforts. She will not allow me to order meal from a grocery. That is a good idea.
So, still thinking. Perhaps cook the evening before T giving when she is tired from the day and will be in her TV room. Find a movie for her of something I know she will be happily distracted with.
I would love to invite some people I use to see. I have been skipping parties and invites 3 years now. I dont want to leave Mom
alone on holidays. And taking her is a mess. Her dementia is not a friendly experience for others. I am stuck really. You know what I mean?? I choose it admittedly.
I will update next week as the day gets closer. Have decided to get my 74 cent bird no matter when it is cooked. Can check that off the list!!
P
I love the idea but she has always been a firm no. She insists we will have food poisoning.
Dementia drives me nuts sometimes. I want her to sign a contract tonight that it is ok to do this so that when she forgets and complains I can show her the agreement. Would that really work...? Ah probably not...
P
It sounds like you are at the point where you need to take the lead. Give mom fewer choices and make sure the choices are ones that you are happy with. Make it a win-win for you.
YOU WILL PURCHASE A READY MADE MEAL AND THAT IS JUST THE WAY IT WILL BE.
She can eat it or not, that is her choice. Then she can watch you NOT get food poisoning.
None of it was my doing but since Mom made the invite list I just went along with it. Made younger folk do the dishes.
So we lived through it. My sister is organizing Christmas already.
It will bring a lot of anxiety to Mom. Gonna spike the eggnog for certain!!
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Have you been educating the children (the ones who cried, how old were they?) that this lady is always going to be like that, and their best defense is to not give her the power to make them feel bad.
Even crying she copes some how. Now if the dogs bark...look out !!
She hates it.
Would love to send her to her room but it is her house...hehehe.
If we just ignore her it usually stops though.
Christmas is coming...everyone ready??
LOL
P