Caring For Aging Parents Support Group

Caring for aging parents can be a difficul time as we become the caretakers for our parents. This broad responsibility can encompass such services as assisted living, adult day care, long term care, nursing homes, hospice care, and in-home care. Whether you have just started caring for your parents or just need a place to talk, we're here.

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Penny45 11/08/2013

I have just joined this forum and I must say it is very comforting to hear the stories here and to realize how many others are facing similar (or worse) situations.
My husband and I have one more week left of a 2-month visit to my 93+ yr old mom to assess if it's time for us to move in... and it is. We plan to return here by at least March 1st.
I recognize many of the symptoms/issues/concerns voiced here as I already can see how they relate to my future here. But I also appreciate the sympathy and good coping ideas that I have found here. I need to take her out with me more - not just take the car and run the errands - keep her in the decision-making as much as possible (which we actually do already but she just sort of clams up if it means spending $$) and also need to remember to appreciate my wonderful loving partner/husband who is willing, even emotionally eager, to walk this path with me. He feels some guilt for NOT being there more for his grandma... so he's with me on this. Plus, he's just a wonderfully cheerful, happy person so I am truly blessed with him in those ways.
I thank all of you for your contributions, I send all of you good strong energy to deal with your challenges and I look forward to communicating with all of you in months to come.
Thanks.
Penny Kat

Penny45 11/08/2013

I should mention that we are leaving a WONDERFUL life in Costa Rica to come here... no small thing, but I'm the only remaining child (my sister died 3 yrs ago of pancreatic cancer) and we just feel that this is where we need to be.

deleted_user 11/08/2013

You are truly caring people to make this decision. I look forward to getting to know you and you family over the next months!

ThePepperMan 11/08/2013

Welcome to the group; as you say we have a lot of experience here.

Don't forget to have some alone time with your hubby.

Penny45 11/09/2013

Thanks for the supportive comments. I can tell I will turn to this forum many times in coming months and years. One of my own personal challenges is that I have suffered from pretty bad eczema for the last 2 years or so. I belong to a Facebook group called Adults Who Itch and it also has been a helpful source for me. I've been on a steroid for the last 2-3 weeks but now that I am stopping that, the eczema is coming back full force. It's SO difficult to be under stress with my mom AND be itching crazy all the time. I hope I have the strength to deal with all of this.

TroJanThunder 11/09/2013

Have you considered moving your mom to Costa Rica? She might not want to leave her home but help is cheap down there and once she got through kicking and screaming she would love it just as much as you do.

Penny45 11/09/2013

Hahaha... so many friends have suggested that but seriously, she's not like our dog: we can't just put her in a crate and take her down there. No... she has a rich history here in San Angelo and many friends, and in fact a paying job!!! once a week at the Visitors' Center (not sure how long she can keep it...). She categorically does NOT want to leave her home. That's the reason we are coming here, to help her stay in her home. I would love it if she were interested in moving but she is not. And she is still fully competent to make such decisions so... there ya go. And indeed there are a number of obstacles to her enjoying a full life there - language, particularly. So no, moving her there is really not an option.

TroJanThunder 11/10/2013

Maybe not right now, but keep it in mind. My Mom was in a very similar situation where she was living. OH the screaming contests we had trying to convince her and my Dad it was best for everybody for them to move in with us. The process of making it happen started about three years ago and I spent four LONG LONG months with them getting it engineered!

Mom also had HUGE
community ties and a job teaching Sunday school she loved.

Anyway whatever you finally decide good luck. Its a tough row to hoe no matter how you slice it!

peaceful 11/10/2013

Hi there, I think you will find a lot of support and help from this site.
All manner of situations arise when moving into the parents den. They are the boss you know :)

I am so happy to hear of your Mom and her job, independence, and strong ties to people around her.

LOL re the dog crate. It would be so much easier this way :)

See you again,

Peaceful

Penny45 11/14/2013

Thanks to everyone for your comments. We are now down to just 3 more days and it is getting VERY hard to think of leaving her for the 2-3 months we think we need to wind up life in Costa Rica. Meanwhile, we called Social Security today to get our Part B Medicare started up for when we return next spring. BUT we learned that the earliest we can get it going is next July!! which means we'll be without medical insurance for some 4 months. Not good. We wish we could stay longer in CR, where we have socialized medical care (very good, too). But that just doesn't seem like an option. She really should not be alone. She needs help and she is also making sounds now (unlike before we were here) that she is really going to miss us and is glad we're coming, etc.
So... the stresses continue. But my situation is so much better than that of others on this site. My heart goes out to them.

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