Awe peaceful; that was very sweet of you! I think it's a great idea to take some down time; I wish I could....

It's the mind corners they take without any prior warning that kills me! One day its this, the next it's something completely off the wall.

My mother just had a full physical the other week and she was just exuberant over her wonderful results; so she claims. She forgets and misplaces everything and then you get the innuendos of where might that be, DID YOU SEE IT.. Were you in my room? Then of course she's off to the siblings complaining to them that I'm taking her things. Oh, she eventually finds all the things that were missing but then suggests that "someone" had to have put it there.....

BUT, the physical was fine; she's in great shape!

I'm jealous; I'd love to take the summer off and just GO AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know my MIL can be paranoid like that, so far we are about 9 months into her living here, and we have not gotten into THAT issue yet. I'm still a lousy cook and house cleaner, but ...

Hopefully Pep you won't ever have to go through that. It's hurtful to be accused or have it insinuated that you're stealing things from their room. She's just forgotten that she brought her children up to be better people than that.

It's always amazing to see what the mind is capable of. When my mom was in rehab I came home to look for assisted living for her. We had talked to the doctor about it and talked ourselves about the fact that she couldn't go back to her apartment. I hadn't told her specifically that I was arranging for her to move back by me.

Well you wouldn't believe the nasty phone calls I got. And I only answered half of them. She would rant for an hour about the same thing. How we were all against her and just wanted her money and she would just get a cab and go live on the street, but of course she didn't have any money since we stole it....on and on.

Take some time to spend with mom. But don't expect miracles. Try to make the best of this time because the only thing for certain is that at some point she will get worse. The good part is usually after the nasties they settle into a mellow state.

I guess we need to look at things differently. Our parents gave us the best years of their lives, now they are going to give us some of the 'not so best' years of their lives.

Tigg,

That sounds exactly like a two year old tantrum. Just goes to show that they are regressing.

Hugs & prayers. I understand I'm in the same boat.

Enjoy your break!

I work in dementia units every week. They start to see things that are not there, talk to people not in the room, try to complete tasks that don't need doing at all.

When their brain imaginings can't be reasoned with, they look to the physical people around them for assistance. However, we can't possibly interact with the images their brains are creating. That creates frustration, fear, anger, and all those negative emotions.

Sometimes they can be redirected. But don't count on this to work much. You have to remember that what the see for them is really there, the person is really in the room. They are trying to fix it like they did all their lives.

Sometimes it helps to walk away.
Sometimes redirection works.
Sometimes staff needs to use medications to stop the escalation.
Sometimes we can only wait it out till their brains recover some sense of reality.
There is no way to know ahead of time which it will be or how to make it all better until it is over.
What worked 200 times before will suddenly be useless this time.

What you need to do is just do the best that you can each moment each day. You can't "fix" her. You can be with her.
In the end, do what YOU need to feel good about how you handled these coming difficult times. Then you will not be burdened with extra guilt on top of the grief of losing her.

Sunny,

That was fantastic! I hope that if I ever have to explain it to my children that I do it as well as you just did.

Well, pepper, what a nice surpise to come back to read your words of wisdom and find a nice compliment. You made my day.

I wonder if we should offer more words like this to support each other each day......

Thanks

Dito to Sunny and Pep!

I've been at DS since January of 2008, mostly in the depression group. Many people, most people I'll wager, do NOT include all relevant information in their posts. This is done for a wide variety of reasons:

Some aspects are very personal, and they choose not to share them.

They do not think that all details are important.

They may not be aware of some aspects of the situation.

They may believe that some details are "obvious" and need not be included.

We really need to keep these things in mind when we reply. Who knows, some of those omitted details could turn our advice around 180 degrees!

So yes, there are times when the best thing to do is to offer comfort, listen, and make casual suggestions!

Enjoy your break, No one will take care of Mom but me. My Mother has only loved herself, not my sister or I. It is so hard to be around someone who constantly finds wrong it what you do no matter how hard you try. Lucky she does not live with me but I cringe each day I have to see if she is all right and listen to what I should have done or should be doing to help her. Yes, I am nice and I do not lose my temper as it would be to no good as she never makes a mistake or does something wrong. She is always right, She says, remember I am your Mother and older than you. She is 95 and has always been this way but not it is worse since she cannot drive or walk any distance.

I must have hit cancel rather than add yesterday with a reply.
People , you lend an ear and more. Really. I take much thought in what you say. And I think others do...or so I hope.

When living in the home assisting someone w dementia the perspective becomes cloudy. Even though much of what we say to one another is repeat it still has to serve a reminder for someone like me or in my situation. Of course some details are different but often strikes a place of union for those searching for someone in the same boat.

It was here at DS that I learned the most about my moms behavioral health. How it ties to the physical. People share personal experience
and readings to help define things unclear.

All the above probably means I do not feel so helpless :)
Hopeless is harder. Yesterday was a melt down for sure but
today Starbucks and a project list have my spirits lifted some.

PS. About Mom. She is mean at times. It is her miserable self.
I long ago removed myself from guilt or the tap dance routine.
My expectation is that we will change meds at some point to
calm her a bit :)