In going through all the piles and boxes of "stuff" of my mom's up here in the 2nd floor (an attic re-done into low-ceilinged rooms long ago), we just had to deal with a lot of things. One category was Xmas stuff and craft stuff. We asked her what to do and she said Cathy, my step sister-in-law, would like to have them so we put them out in the garage for Cathy to come pick up. Well, yesterday she and her husband came over, sat and chatted awhile and then went to see what all was in the garage. Now Cathy KNOWS just how much of a "hoarder" my mom is and has been... so she knew we needed a graceful way to get rid of some of these old, dusty, useless items. But Mother went out with them and apparently felt really bad about all we had put there for Cathy.
So late in the evening last night when I went down with the dog, Mother stopped me and apologized for being "weird," saying she was perhaps more attached to her "stuff" than other people but that it was really hard for her to have us going through her things and throwing things out, etc. In particular she wanted a Xmas wreath that she had seen in the garage. She used as an example a MUCH younger friend of hers (my mom is 94) who told her son "Don't you touch my stuff!" But of course, the situation for her friend is so very different as she's probably in her 50's or maybe 60's.
I tried gently to explain that we HAD to do something with the things up here in order to be able to live here. At one point, I said, "Mother, we can go back to Costa Rica if you don't want us here but I don't really think that's what you want." Her reply was something like, "Oh, you can't afford to do that.' As if she would prefer that if we could afford it!!! Of course, we can afford it - but the fact is she NEEDS us here to help her with so many things that are just so painful for her. And the fact is we have gone to great lengths to preserve her things -- Layne has taken photos and we have packed things carefully in numbered boxes. Our plan is to show her the pictures, get the provenance on each item and who she wants it go to on her death. She seems to think we are just carelessly throwing things away... and that is not true.
But now Layne and I both feel really strange... here we are, having given up a wonderful life in CR, spent lots of $$ to come here, done ENORMOUS work up here and spent $$ to try and get these 2 1/2 rooms livable... and yet she resents the necessary cleaning house that we just had to do.
We're both sort of wondering what the heck are we doing here? My mom just seems to be in complete denial of her age, infirmity, and just how hard it has been for us to move in with her. I feel pretty unappreciated....