What do you and your brother think about her driving? If you don't think she should then I wouldn't give her any opportunity to try. It would just be harder to take it away again. Your mom doesn't sound like someone who would admit she shouldn't.

What helped me when my parents had to stop driving was finding a replacement. They moved to an independent living apartment where there was a car service included. So they didn't need a car. Can you and your brother take mom where ever she needs to go? This can be a huge burden depending on your situation.

The other thing is to talk to her doctors about her ability. I would send a note to the doctor about the feelings mom is not sharing. You might even want to record her saying these things so he can hear it for himself. Keep in mind that most doctors are chickens and won't get in the middle of this discussion. They don't want to spend the time it would take to reason with your mom. It also puts them in a difficult legal situation if they say she should or shouldn't drive and something happens.

Another helpful trick, if it comes to that, is disabling mom's car. Disconnect the battery so it won't start. Send it to the repair shop and tell mom it would cost a fortune to fix. As time passes mom's need to drive will decrease. Just make sure you fill her needs to do shopping and whatever else makes her happy.

My mother and father and I live together-My Bob who lives on the next block and I have been chauffeuring her around for the last 8 months. It is her car, and we use it all the time (I use it too, so I can't disable it).

Well then just change the subject when she asks. Don't tell her yes or no just divert her attention if you and your brother agree it would be dangerous.

You can also send a note to the doctor asking him to support your decision. Then when mom asks him he will either divert her attention or if he is nice he will say she should wait.

Generally if you keep her happy she will probably forget about driving. So try to be a step ahead of her asking.

Changing the subject is a good tactic. So is just keep saying no. If you think she should not be driving you are probably right. If there are things she is not telling the doctor there could be things she is not telling you too.

With my Dad we just kept telling him NO until he finally gave up.

Preserving dignity is not worth her going out, crashing your vehicle and possibly taking someone else out with her

Oh Gosh, I went through this with my father before he passed away; There was no way I would get in a car with him. He was a menace on the road. It's one thing to take them out and evaluate their skills in an empty parking lot but the day will come when she's out on the roads alone and you don't know what her reflexes really are under different circumstances.

I don't envy you and your brother on this decision. We had to finally hide the keys and just flat out tell my father, NO.... I didn't want to see him getting hurt or maimed and certainly not some other unsuspecting driver, any driver but especially not a driver with children in the car.

Best of luck on this venture; I've been there; it's nerve wracking!

My father was stubborn in the beginning I would offer to go with him on his errand to see how his driving was during the ride my father got lost and was unable to find his way this was a road he had traveled 40 years. This was a heads up! But still he was stubborn .

One day my mother called me and told me dad had left and taken the car and had not returned I said why did you let him leave? It was a wasted question she never denied him anything! He left just to go to get gas! Station one mile away he left at 4:00pm by the time she had called me it was 8:00pm I frantically drove around the places he frequented searching in fear that he would be found on the side of the road I found nothing! After driving for what seemed forever I went home ! Just about to contact the police dept I decided one more time to call the house he returned at 10;00pm

I know he got terribly lost and could not find his way back home he never told us where he was my father had CHF HE himself never drove again! Secretly I knew he had discovered he could no longer drive I guess he had to realize it himself.

There is nothing more agonizing then to be in this situation search for a lost parent who are driving out in the night or day for that matter

That's my story on the subject
God bless

Shurt, that's a sad story. He must have been very scared when he was lost. He's lucky he found his way home..

You might inquire if there is a rehab unit in your area that can test for driving skills. It is assessing coordination and reaction time. Where I lived it was done by OT but you could check with the Reg of Motor Veh or rehab hospitals in your area. Elders often accept difficult information from professionals instead of their family.
It is a very serious consideration. I know a 90 plus year old that lived alone in her own home and continued to drive. She was in an accident that resulted in a death.
You could also ask neuro what kinds of things would suggest that you are not ready to drive and see if those symptoms fit your mom.
It is a very difficult thing and some elders do not go gently. Good Luck

One of my dad's aunts was stubborn that way.

About ten or so years ago all had met to have lunch together.

Aunt pulls out in front of a garbage truck.

Her troubles instantly over. She prolly never knew what hit her.

Thank god no one else hurt, but that poor man driving the truck will have to live with that image in his head for the rest of his life!

Just flat not worth the risk and it sounds to me as if your family needs that car in one piece too.

Just keep saying no and one of these days it will sink in

Alayna become a observer know the hints that come to you your heart will guide you through this journey know first how mom drives if it is unsafe for her bare your heart to her of your concerns learning to expose your heart to them can at first be filled with thorns and vengeance because of pride! Keep at it and chip away the layers of the onion which is bitter but when cooked becomes sweetened in time!

God bless

I was remembering the night when I had to tell my mom straight out that she had to stop driving. There were lots of tears for both of us. But I kept telling her the bottom line is she has no right to kill someone else. I remember her arguing that she has rights but I kept telling her that someone else's life comes before her right to drive.

The next morning she wanted proof from my insurance agent that I was covered if I drove her car. Neither mom or dad drove again. When I came back two months later we transferred the car into my name and after dad died I brought it home with me. My daughter learned to drive in that car and I often felt like my dad was there in the car with us,

Accidents can happen to anyone...but it's not an accident when you know you shouldn't be driving.

Guess we have been pretty lucky in this regard. Mom stopped driving without much fuss when she realized she could not see well enough. Dad was a little harder to convince but we managed to get him to give up the fight before he killed anybody. Just keep saying no.

Glad you have the PT going. Hopefully, they may include occupational therapy to be able to address the idea of driving. It puts it in writing and may be handy at some other point. So that if she really can not drive anymore it wont look like its your opinion.

My Mom drove until 86 so very happy to say it kept her mobile. Dad gave up driving only months before passing. Did most of their housework until 4 years ago.

Having a brother who would take Mom out to practice driving is great!!

P