It really sounds like the stress of constant worry is starting to have a negative effect. If you can afford it, take a vacation. Or just give yourself time off from staff calls. Tell them you are out of town for a couple weeks so you get some rest.

Just because mom is waiting for you or thinking you forgot her is not reason to cause you more stress.
Mom needs you to care for your health so you are there when she can't make any decisions at all. It is really important to tell the doctors the amount of stress you are experiencing so they can offer advice from a more specialized perspective.

Or you have to realize that mom will wait for you all the time no matter how often you visit and stay. That is the illness. Do what you are able and let the rest go to others who are present.

Some things that you can do right now:
>Start taking a multi vitamin.
>Extra vit B are very helpful when you are stressed
>Iron may be necessary (depending on tiredness, you culd be low on iron)

Be sure to eat high protien meals and snacks thru the day. Do not allow yourself to become so hungry that you tire from lack of nutrition. Even OVERWEIGHT people need constant nutrition to maintain energy levels. (I am not saying you are over weight - just in case others read this).

The best that you can, try NOT to think about mom when you are not visiting with her. The constant worry is creating stress that raises cortisol levels and drains energy reserves. It is not about stopping the loving feelings for mom. It is like leaving work for a vacation and just taking a break from worrying about a project that is due.

I pray there is nothing seriously wrong with you. If you can take time to stop and breath deeply at least 5 times calmly and deeply. This refreshes the oxygen levels in your body, brings fresh blood to the muscles and organs which helps with healing.

At night, try to relax your entire body starting at your toes relax muslces working up to the head while you fall asleep.

These things will help your body deal with stress, distract your mind from the worry about mom and help heal things that are minor before they become serious.

Mom needs you well now more than ever so you really need to take care of yourself. Forgive yourself if you need to take a day off from visisting mom if that will ease the stress. Leave the vacuming until tomorrow and visit mom if that will ease the stress.

The last thing is to start a journal. Write what you feel when stress is bad. This is just for you! No one should ever read it. This is a great way to release stress. Don;t worry about punctuation, language curse if it helps. This is to help you! Try to NOT judge how you feel, just let it go until you feel peaceful or less stressed.

Please let us know how you are doing.
Keeping you in my prayers

Thanks for your replies Sunny.

Your suggestions sound really good. I will do the breathing and also the relaxing at night.

Many years ago, I used to keep a journal but stopped because I was afraid that someone might read it. Mind you, that was in the time of thoughts being written down on paper. I guess using an on-line journal is pretty safe.

As for how I am feeling today. Not too great. I was sick in the night. Stayed in bed this morning and after eating my lunch, promptly threw it back up.

Did go to see mom for a bit this afternoon. Not long and I went just before supper. I usually go in the morning but if I go in the afternoon it is best to go around a mealtime. Then there is a distraction when I leave.

Came home. Ate supper. Almost threw it up. I usually get together with a group of friends, every Tuesday evening. Not often that I miss but I feel so awful that I just went to bed.

Feeling a little better now. Someone texted me so I got up to reply and thought that I would check on the computer to see what was up.

Was nice to find a message from you.

Starting to feel a little green again so will head back to bed.

A close friend passed away last week and the funeral is tomorrow afternoon. Her daughter is also a very good friend. The daughter is someone who took great care of mom while she was still at home and also still goes to visit mom and paints her fingernails for her.

It is important to me that I go. Will notsee mom tomorrow morning. Will lay low until I have to leave for funeral so will feel up to going to it.

Hi. Sorry you are not well. I am diabetic and also had ulcers. Sometimes I am just off. Like the flu. When I do too much. Not just from lack of sleep but the worrying going on from the demands on me. I often need to go easy on food. Boiled foods and easy to digest wholesome. I always have to eat a lot of protein.
The vit B works well. There is a brand call Alive that has more than just B however it is in there with others. I get sick from iron but have had to take.
Heating pads to help muscles stay supple not tense.
My sister is sick every morning from one or two meds. Started with thyroid issues. The Synthroid makes her ill so she eats a bite of food with it and that did it.
Next is one for suppressing dopamine. He only med to treat bi polar. I think the change in dopamine makes her ill. When she is on lower doses she is sicker. But she hates the whole thing as you may remember.
So, meds too when stressed.
Your doctor will run blood work and check urine right??
As for Mom, can you leave things after your visit for her to receive the next day from you. A note maybe on a blank card with pretty picture. A verse that she reads in the a.m. that says will see you this afternoon Mom. Etc,,,
Even if it is the same basic note it will give her a new cue. Let the staff remind her to see the card.
Losing a friend with all the other stress could wear you out too. It hurts so and we tend to loose focus during this time as a way to forget the reality for awhile.
I certainly hope you find ways to feel better again and that your DR finds good solutions for you.
Just want to add that I thought of you last weekend in the store. For sale were Mylar balloons. Several of picnic theme. In that group was a hald watermelon made to look like a head with a smile face. There were a few other food group heads too. Chuckled to myself knowing I would remember to tell you.
P

wow...typos and I can not fix. Hope you get the half not hald watermelon shape of balloon.
Whew...got up 20 hours ago and worked too. Off to bed I go...Zzzzzzzz

:)

P

The stress is probably also contributing to feeling so terrible.

Was sick again this morning so stayed in bed. Couldn't eat lunch. I am also diabetic so that is not a good idea. Will make sure I put something in my pocket to nibble on in case I get feeling faint.

I sent a text to my brother, in case that mom's care home tries to get a hold of me this afternoon while I am at the funeral. I will be turning off my cell phone during the service.

Will probably stop by and see mom before supper since I didn't go this morning. I might have missed going today if my brother was planning on going tonight. He doesn't go on Wednesday evenings.

Odd that you mention Synthroid because I am also taking that. Actually I take a lot of stuff.

Metformin, avandia, seroquel, synthroid, zopiclone, clonazepam, b12, ramipril atorvistatin, and lamotrigine. I used to fill one of those pill things, every week. My pharmacy puts the drugs into those bubble packs, for free, so is easier for me to not have to fill them up myself. I have made mistakes in the past.

Several months ago my gp told me that he was going to refer me to a doctor that specializes in drug interactions. Maybe I should ask if if he has done that yet.

Better go off and get dressed. Not that any memorial service is easy for the family. As I said Mel's dad was a good friend, as is she. Should be a tough one.

With staying in bed I hope that all will go ok (stomach wise) this afternoon.

Oh MY!!! I did not realize that you have so many health issues yourself.
Just the stress of constant worry about mom is enough to make you really sick. I know. I have serious health issues too.

Somehow you have to allow yourself to take days to relax and make it OK to be away from mom. Otherwise the stress will only destroy the cortisol and cause you to continue to be very ill.

You have chosen a good care facility. Mom is safe. Mom is well fed. Mom has people around to care for her if she becomes ill. In fact, in some ways she has better access to medical care than you do.
You cared for mom at home for as long as you could. Then you carefully choose a place where she would be safe.
These are the actions of a loving daughter.

Now mom needs you to protect your health with some rest from stress. She will really be alone if you end up in the hospital. Then you won't be able to visit for a very long time.

No one is suggesting that you cross over into selfishly never visiting mom. We are just suggesting that it is OK to take a day off when you need rest. It is the loving thing to do so that you are well for mom as her health worsens. She will need you rested and able to think when the inevitable medical crisis comes up and you have to make choices for her care.

Please feel better.
Sunny

Sorry, thought I said this:
When I am stressed, I end up sick everytime. I had to get a handle on my own limits or plan on allowing the stress to kill me.
Since I really don't believe that would be helpful to any of my family and I think God gave me limits to learn something in His plan, I worked hard on learning and realizing that what works for one person does nto work for others. We each have our own path to walk thru life.

It sounds like stress causes you harm too. I don't know much about your particular situation so I can only compare it to mine.

If you have raised children, you know they want what they want and they want it NOW! Older adults can become this way too even without dementia coming into play. Children want to never have mommy leave but we all know this is not good for them.