Wow, you just opened up a HUGE dilemma here; I am so sorry you are enduring this right now.

Giving decent advice requires a better understanding of all the dynamics, which takes time. So I'll break down things into some really "standard advice" we talk about here all the time.

First of all, it sounds like your mother is abusive. One of the best things to do with an abusive parent is to set limits, and to enforce them with consequences. Unfortunately with your mother, it sounds like she wants to be left alone. That makes consequences on your part hard to deal out.

Talk to adult protective services. Let them know your mother's actions about rejecting medication, forgetting meds, etc. They may be able to send somebody out to investigate if she really is of sound mind and capable of managing her day to day affairs.

You can't control how your siblings act. Can you talk to them about why they won't do things rather than asking (or begging?) them to do things? A softer approach may help you understand why they are acting this way and perhaps find a way to get them to help.

You always have the option of walking away and letting her fend for herself. Many people here have done that, well, perhaps just for a day or so. Or a couple weeks. But it is an option. Your mom may not want you visiting, but if you stop calling for a while (you get to define this!) she might change her tune when you do call her.


Now here is one of the most applicable observations I have of what others have done here. There are several people here who have had really REALLY terrible parents. But they stayed and helped them. Not because their parents deserved it. Not because they love their parents. But because it was what they had to do to be true to who they were as a person.


Are you doing what is the best thing for your mother? That is hard. Obviously she will harm her health if she forgets her meds. But you are suffering your health and your sanity trying to protect your mother.


Sorry to be so disjointed, I hope that as we get a better picture of you and your mom that we may be more able to help you.


But we are GREAT at letting our friends here vent!!!!!

Gentle hugs

Can't do better than Pepper. I am only living child of a mom gone mean (normal, but mean) and... Well, adult services, local aging agencies with volunteers, ask her if you can talk to her doctor (my mom agreed, then ignored me, her doc, but hey, I tried).... the usual.

It got me nowhere, and I am stressed to the max, since my elderly mom lives with me in the in-law suite I now wish I had never ever built into the house during renovations.... And my mom and I were close. (Once.)

Control what you can, and take care of you, okay? When a parent decides to just shrug off self-care (for whatever reason), it's.... well, I'm going through it. And my sister died of not self-caring when she was in her twenties. So I have seen it more than once. Softest sympathetic hugs of support to you.

my mom has a circle of a few older friends left alive, and they kind of follow up with each other...any chance that could be for you? what about a home health aid to come in once a week and set up meds...and record if they are not taken? would she let an outsider in?

Pepper said it very well. If she does not want help fine. I would suggest letting her rot for a week or two and see if she comes around.