Caring For Aging Parents Support Group
Caring for aging parents can be a difficul time as we become the caretakers for our parents. This broad responsibility can encompass such services as assisted living, adult day care, long term care, nursing homes, hospice care, and in-home care. Whether you have just started caring for your parents or just need a place to talk, we're here.
Hi Everyone,
I'm new and I joined because I'm really struggling with looking after my mum. As it says in my profile, she's in her 70s and after a couple of years with bad arthritis in her legs she has pretty much lost the use of them. She's currently in hospital waiting for a bed in rehab.
She's extremely depressed and won't really see or speak to anyone except me. My brother died unexpectedly last year, so I have no siblings either. My dad tries to help as much as he can but they separated about 15 years ago and he has a new life now.
I feel incredibly alone in dealing with this and I have my own problems with anxiety and depression. I've got a referral to see a Psychologist to talk about it but that will take a few weeks and I need support wherever I can get it. I was just packing her bag for rehab and I felt like crying with how stressful it all is.
Thanks for reading,
Gypsy
I'm new and I joined because I'm really struggling with looking after my mum. As it says in my profile, she's in her 70s and after a couple of years with bad arthritis in her legs she has pretty much lost the use of them. She's currently in hospital waiting for a bed in rehab.
She's extremely depressed and won't really see or speak to anyone except me. My brother died unexpectedly last year, so I have no siblings either. My dad tries to help as much as he can but they separated about 15 years ago and he has a new life now.
I feel incredibly alone in dealing with this and I have my own problems with anxiety and depression. I've got a referral to see a Psychologist to talk about it but that will take a few weeks and I need support wherever I can get it. I was just packing her bag for rehab and I felt like crying with how stressful it all is.
Thanks for reading,
Gypsy
Meanwhile, rehab is great, because you won't be on duty 24/7...try to be good to yourself...a walk, bubble bath...screaming in the closet...whatever it takes to make it through.
I too am an only child (my brother past away almost 40 years ago and my dad checked out 3 years ago). I am left with all the responsibility of my mom who is like a 5 year old....digs her heels in and lives mostly in lala land of denile and disillusion. I'm always frying the wrong egg!!!
I've learned how to set boundaries and keep them. It becomes overwhelming at times, but without the boundaries and keeping them.....I'd probably be dead.
I also limit my visits with her. She lives in an Independent Living Apartment facility to try and keep her as independent as long as possible and to keep my own sanity. My mom is in a wheelchair due to a very bad back and a few other health issues. So far, she can do the basic stuff such as bathing, dressing, feeding, and taking her medications. However, she is terrible with her money (what little she has left) and can't balance a checkbook to save her soul. I pay her bills and take care of her checkbook. I took away her car (she threw a fit.....even to this day 3 years later), so I have become her chauffeur which is fine....it's better than her driving.
Are you POA (power of attorney) over her health? estate? If not, you may want to have that in place asap.
I have given my mom's doctors the paperwork, but was told to keep a copy in my purse just in case (I found this out the hard way the other day in the ER).
If you can, make sure you get plenty of rest, eat right, and step back if necessary (go for a drive, take a bubble bath....watch a funny movie, etc). It's a take care of yourself first or else you can't take care of her.
Ok.....take a deep breath. You are not alone (it just feels like it). You can do this.....one day....or one hour at a time (((((((Hugs))))))
She needs to get used to letting other people help her besides you.
Much of what is going to happen in the future is stuff you will have no control over anyway.
Like Ms Blank said get the paperwork and legal stuff in order.
That is ALWAYS job one.
The POA is very important. I don't know how Australian laws differ, but here in the US people POA for Medical and Financial things are not part of the same deal. You can have one but not the other.
So make sure you are on the list to speak to your mother's doctors.
Once you have the legal right to talk to her doctors, start to do so! Your mother could be depressed, and as such there could be options given to her that she ignores, does not see, or refuses.
My father enjoys a swim exercise class he takes. He is much more mobile in that class than he is on dry land, and it works wonders for him. Perhaps there is a water based class your mother could take.
Sooo, welcome to the group!
I'll have to find out about the legal stuff. The doctors seem to talk to me anyway if I'm around. I'm executor of her Will though and we have that all signed and sealed. At least she's realistic enough to have sorted that out already.
It's great to hear from people who have been through this or are going through it. It's like a nightmare atm and I'm praying rehab can help her. She's soooo stubborn though I just don't know. I'm also scared her mind is going, which so far has been pretty good other than the depression.
Thanks again for the advice and support!
You are not alone.
jazzy