Caring For Aging Parents Support Group

Caring for aging parents can be a difficul time as we become the caretakers for our parents. This broad responsibility can encompass such services as assisted living, adult day care, long term care, nursing homes, hospice care, and in-home care. Whether you have just started caring for your parents or just need a place to talk, we're here.

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Negativity

Diane-M
Diane-M
So most of you know mom is in a personal care home. And most of you know she has been involved with Hospice for almost a year now too. Yesterday I got a call from the hospice caseworker who visits her regularly. We chatted and then she asked me "Has your mom always been this negative?" I have to say I am a little relieved that someone else notices it..I thought that maybe i am making mountains out of molehills. She has been negative for years, but it is getting worse. It is affecting me and my depression, and although he will not admit it....i see signs that it is affecting my brother as well. I know she is not happy..she tells EVERYONE who sets foot in that room that she wants to die. But this negativity is pushing me away. i cannot help it. She will not be around for ever and I want to do the right thing. But I have started limiting my visits for my own sanity and she needs to start taking responsibility for her actions and her words.

On another note.....I no longer feel guilty about not being able to arrange for her to remain at home. I needed to strike a balance between what is best for her AND best for me. She is safe. Help is only a buzzer away.
TroJanThunder
TroJanThunder
From what you have shared with us about your Mom I would surmise it unlikely for others not to notice.


You did the right thing getting her to a safe place and you are doing the right thing now to limit your time with her.
Community LeaderThePepperMan
ThePepperMan
A lot of older people are able to put on an act for the people they do not see on a regular basis. This act can be a better person than we see, or a sicker person than we see. (In this case "we" = the people who interact with our parent the most.)

So for you I say "YEA", finally people are seeing what you have known all along. This must be a big relief for you.
gardensparrow
gardensparrow
Well, you sound like you're handling this as best you're able. It's definitely hard finding that balance of being there for our elderly parents, but also setting boundaries and limits for our own well-being. Of course, it's a learn as you go process, and none of us is ever totally prepared for this. So, give yourself some grace as you support your mom. One last thing, if it would help, I've heard of a group called National Association of Area Agencies on Aging that has a website with a lot of resources on caring for the elderly and handling situations like you shared. So, just FYI if you want to see if they'd be of any use to you right now. But hang in there and know you're doing the best you can!

#girlluvs2garden#
HCARD
HCARD
Diane, you are sweet it shows in your post. Your mom is not, it shows in how she treats others, not just you. Your right she is where she needs to be.
blueviolet725
blueviolet725
It is nice to have validation...and she is where she needs to be.
I am glad you are seeing all this from a new perspective.
Getingstronger
Getingstronger
I agree with all of the above responses. You have come a long way in dealing with your Mom.